girlie stuff

[Singer]

Azalea,

I thought Linda's post was right on the money. It's tough to face this surgery if you aren't motivated by pain and/or limitation. You are very young and time is on your side if you truly can't do it yet. If your thoracic curve is progressing at a steady rate, though, you will most likely have to deal with it at some point...you don't want to run into breathing problems. It took me almost two years to face up to the surgery...in my case, I NEEDED that much time to face it, even though the wait is very tough.

Best wishes!

[brynnski]

Dear Azalea,

I'm so sorry that your upcoming surgery has put you in panic mode, and I fully understand. Mine is scheduled for May 15. I was doing well, after dealing with fear for several weeks. In my case, I've been going to a medical hypnotherapist who has helped greatly. I realize that you don't have time now to explore new methods of controlling anxiety. And even with the help I'm getting I had a couple of bad days this week. Some people on here have asked for some mild tranquilizers to help them through the period just before surgery. I don't know if that sounds good to you or not. Just a suggestion. It does help me to hear from others who have gone through their surgeries and are very happy they've had them. Bertha from Hawaii, who had hers a couple of weeks ago, sounds like she is doing fine. She is in her 50s and had both anterior and posterior fusions at the same time: 12 hours worth. You may already know this because Suzy, who has met with Bertha, posted here. I love hearing these stories. You are certainly in my thoughts this week!!

Brynn

[azalea]

Thank you, every word written here is inspiring.
I really appreciate all of the advice and thoughts. It helps to know that I am not completely insane, and that I have somewhere to turn when I feel like I am!

A co-worker of mine has told me that I need to plan things to look forward to. Like new pjs that I can not where until after surgery. One thing that I am looking forward to his coming back here and giving someone the same support that I have been receiving. Thank you.

I hope I can do this... it makes me sick to think about it, but you all have me amazed. Your strength, and courage. Beautiful.

[lelc2002@yahoo]

Azalea, Brynnski, Linda W.,Singer, others facing surgery,
As Singer(Chris) can tell you, I am completely 100% happy I had this surgery. No regrets whatsoever..
I personally believe that I had several 'signs' that led me to my surgeon & getting this done. I had no severe pain but a huge curve/hump. Prior to surgery, I felt like my body/spine was collapsing. I coughed every day like I was dying(per my 11 yr old..) & I was scared to death about problems swallowing & feeling the food slowly go down..(all gone now)
seriously, at about 9 mos post-op, I feel great & I must touch my back ever day to feel how flat it is & how thankful I am!
hang in there and look past the surgery as best you can to a month or so after when you will be on your way on your recovery......Lynne

[Lesly]

hey azalea,
i'll tell you about my experiences with everything that you asked about...

i didn't wear a bra for a while, and quite frankly didn't care!! also, i lost a lot of weight so i lost a cup size, which was great because i didn't want to wear a bra, so didn't!
my sister shaved my legs for me while i was on a shower chair. if you don't want help, then you may have to wait a little longer but you'll be able to shave. i had the same fusion as you and lost no flexibility. as long as you're able to lift your leg up (while holding on to a bar of course) then you can shave. this, of course, would be after a few weeks when you feel comfortable in the shower.
showering in general, i used a chair for the first couple of weeks. i don't think i took a standing up shower for 2 or 3 weeks... i was so afraid of fainting, but when i finally did i was fine.
i did get my period in the hospital (even though i had it the week before surgery) but i really didn't care. like i've said before, they keep you really comfortable in the hospital... i was on so many drugs that i really wasn't too concerned about having my period!! (it was light i think, but don't really remember)... after that i didn't get my period for 8 weeks and it lasted 22 days!! so it really gets screwed up. but don't worry.. it will eventually be normal.
these are not stupid things to be worried about- i thought about it all!!
keep your head up. you'll be ok.

Lesly

[Lesly]

Ps....

Azalea,
After reading more, I wanted to tell you that I have absolutely no regrets in having this surgery. It's a long recovery, but the hardest part that I had to get through was the lack of energy and the emotional roller coaster... not the pain! Pain can be well managed.
Don't worry- we were all in the same boat. You are not insane!! I was a nervous wreck.. crying every day as well.
You will get through it and we are all here to support you!
Lesly

[brynnski]

Dear Lynne and Lesley,

Thanks for the encouraging words about your experiences. Sometimes I feel like I've already had my surgery since I've read so much about it already from all of you on this Forum! I plan to read your posts over and over in the days to come.

I'd been doing much better with fears about surgery but I've had a setback this week. Part of it, I think, is because I'm having a reaction to the iron I'm taking as well as other meds I'm on right now (primarily Progesterone, I think.) That affects my mood and energy level, for sure.

Azalea: How are you today? I'm thinking about you a lot, my dear......

Brynn

[azalea]

Lesly and Brynn,
Thank you!
I am nuts today. Absolutely. I had a "Back on Track" course today. I am not sure if any of your hospitals offer such a course, but it is basically a two our tutorial. You recieve a tour of the hospital, including the floor you will be staying on, meet a few of the nurses and OT and PT and get demonstrations on how to use many of the tools that are suggested for after surgery such as grabbers and raised toilet seats, ect. It was all too real for me. I was the youngest in the course and the other patients were very concerned with me. Most of them were there due to accidents or age that is causing disc problems. I was the only one there with scoliosis.
It means so much to me, Brynn for you to ask how I am and tell me you have thought of me. This is the most difficult thing I have ever struggled through, and while I should be thankful for that alone... I am too wrapped up in what monday will bring.
One of the ladies at the class today kept repeating if you don't have to do this, don't do it. This will be her sixth surgery. I do not want to be there.
This morning I was sitting down and twisted completely around to grab something on the top shelf behind me. I cried and cried at the thought that I may never be able to do that again.
Lesly,
As you are very close to me in age, and you have had the same fusion as I am expected to. I would love as much information as you can give me. How long did it take until you felt like yourself again? Do you work, how long did it take to get back?
I just haven't smiled in weeks...
I do not want to live this way.
Thank you for letting me ramble on again.

[geo]

Hi Azalea,

Thank you for asking these "girlie" questions; they are the same types of things I've been wondering about. I've read David Wolpert's book twice now, and it is so great, but he doesn't have the same insight into bra issues, etc that I can find here!

I have been thinking about you since your last several posts. I definitely understand the fear you are feeling, especially since your surgery is scheduled for Monday. If you decide to follow through with it, I really hope you will find some peace with your decision. The physical therapist I was working with told me that she had two ladies, one in her late 60's and another in her early 70's, both with scoliosis, tell her that if they could go back, they would definitely have had the surgery when they were young. They both said avoiding it has not been worth the pain and other hardships.

I'm not trying to push you towards something you may not be ready for at this time. But for me, surgery is something I have come to terms with over the past year, mostly because I feel like if my curve is 52* and causing this much pain at age 30, where will I be in just 20 years? As others have said, it's so important to not just focus on the surgery, but on the after-surgery -- standing straight in front of a mirror, knowing that you've taken a pro-active stance, a decrease in pain (which may not be an issue for you yet), and just getting on with LIFE! I, for one, am so tired of thinking about my scoliosis when I wake up and when I get dressed and when I sit in a chair and when I'm walking....

I really, really wish for your peace of mind in this, and know that there's a whole bunch of us who would be there to hold your hand through all of this if we could!!

[SandySo]

Bathing/Showering:
I was not allowed to bathe/shower until 2-weeks post-operation after my surgeon examined me and gave me the 'ok'. While in the hospital for 8 days, the nurse eventually gave me a gel for body and hair (after complaining and whining for permission to shower) to use... It left my hair very dry, nappy, and flaky. After being released from the hospital and following up with my surgeon, it was a joy and relief to get the 'ok' to shower because my head was literally flaky and oily. But even when I showered for the first time (with the assistance of my aunt who massaged my scalp with shampoo and scrubbed my backside), the touch of water on my skin did sting a little at first... After that, I showered on my own every other day, but realized that wet bandages were the cause of a stinging sensation on my skin, which eventually caused a rash. I have really sensitive skin and I went back to showering once a week until the scab on my scar completely fell off... By week 6, when I had to return to work, I was showering again on my own daily. I advise you monitor your skin! My skin had a nasty reaction to the adhesive of the bandages... And with cold weather, my skin doctor advised me to put lotion on every day!

Bra:
My back was hyper-sensative after surgery. For 6 weeks, I did not wear a bra until I had to return to work... And even after returning to work, I find myself removing my bra when I come home. Four months post-operation, I find my back not as sensitive as much, but there are still numb areas... (Keep in mind that your muscles will be cut open, and during your healing/recovery process, nerves have to regrow back in its place.)

Menstration:
I had to stop oral contraceptive before the surgery and started again when I got my first period after surgery. Seems normal, but I seem to have late periods because of stress... I was not aware that surgery would have an affect on a woman's period.

Shaving:
I think I shaved once since the operation. The weather has been chilly and I haven't started wearing skirts to the office... Regardless, even post-opeartion, you are still able to bend and bring your legs up! I can somewhat bend at the waist, but find it unnecessary since my legs are very flexible...

Decision to undergo surgery:
When I made my own decision to undergo surgery, I figured it was now or never. Being at a young age, working with a flexible and understanding small company, I made the decision to undergo surgery now as opposed to later. Other than the benefits of having decreased back pain and decreased chest pains, I can work and pay for the costs of surgery while I am young, working, and saving by living at home. Plus, recovery is feasible at a younger age than older... I had the company of my family to take care of me... I had the support from my company, my family, and my (now ex-)boyfriend...

[azalea]

Ladies,

I can not stress enough how helpfull you all have been to me. I know I have concern after concern and I whine and whine as though I am the only person in the world about to go through this. Honestly though, in my off line world I am. In my office I am. In my home I am. Out with friends I am. It is so hard to feel understood until I come here. Thank you.
Geo,
I really appreciate your explanation for why you are having this surgery and your stories about the older ladies' with scoliosis. No, I do not feel much pain now, if any. Which is why this decision is exceptionally difficult. Dressed and out, I look and feel like an average person, one not riddern with scoliosis. Bathing suits, lingerie, are another story. I hate catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I get out of the shower. I hate being touched or hugged by anyone other than my boyfriend. But, are these reasons to undergo such an extensive and horrible surgery? I don't know if anyone can answer that.
Sandy,
Thank you for the warning about your skin. I have very sensitive skin, and I am already concerned about the hospital gowns and sheets. I had not considered the dressings.
For those of you who have not tired by my constant fear and complaining. I have some new ones. It seems that I have developed a bladder infection as well as some fear of malignant cells in my cervix. I have just today been perscribed medication, I have contacted my doctors office but I have been told they will need to wait and see how the rest of my tests turn out before making the decision to continue with surgery. They will not be able to tell me until Monday when i arrive. I do not think I can handle this as well. I am so frightened and sick. Eating isn't even an option anymore. I am run down and exhausted by emotion. I just do not know how to continue with living in general right now. Falling asleep is my only pleasure, which I can only get too experience after crying until my breathing is so severe all I can do is sleep. I just wanted to know if anyone else had these issues before their surgery as well. Should I begin the medication, as it is an antibiotic that will need to be taken up to two days after my surgery, but also has a warning not to take it with narcotic pain killers. Do I wait, and risk the infection for my surgery? Do I cancel? If I cancel, I have a feeling I will not reschedule. This has been too difficult to go through. You all have been so helpful....can I get a little more help? Thank you

[dalmatica]

When we come under a lot of stress, a lot of physical changes as well as emotional ones happen in our body and I think that that is what is happening to you. You said that you have a fear that there may be pre-cancerus cells. Has someone told you that? Your doctors in the hospital will know what to do about your antibiotics post-surgery. You are worrying yourself to death. I am going to say some things here that are not meant to hurt you but maybe to help you see a little clearer: You will still be able to turn around and grab things. No big deal. You will still be able to bend over, probably better than before. I was able to climb back on my show horses one year after surgery, go skiing, lift weights, ice skate, bike.....In other words, live life to the fullest.

Think about those who love you and how they feel seeing you in this state. They want to help but can only do so much. I too am on an emotional roller-coaster because I never thought my rods would break but that is the hand that I have been dealt so until my surgery on the 30th, I continue to exercise to keep my body as healthy as it can possibly be in order to heal faster and get rid of the negative effects of the stress that I am feeling now. I am house cleaning to keep my mind occupied.

It is imperative that you try to improve your attitude because it will make a difference in healing. Sure, no one else around you quite understands but you know that you are not alone. Be thankful that you are not a very small child who doesn't understand this and has to have surgery. Be thankful that you are not one of the older people on here who will have a more difficult time healing. Be thankful that you are in a position to get this fixed now and top notch medical care is available to you.

In essence, you are in charge of you. But at this moment, you are letting that green-eyed monster of fear take control. Take a deep breath, pray, and step up to the plate and hit a home run!

[amber24]

Hi Azalea, I am 24 years old and I am now 6 weeks post op. I had my spinal fusion from T5-L5. My curve was 72 degrees. I had my surgery done 3 weeks after I had my pre-op appointment with my surgeon. I knew if I didn’t schedule soon that I may get scared and cancel the surgery. I have never had surgery before this one and I was scared of not knowing what to expect. I know exactly what you are going through. My surgeon recommended that I have surgery and I had a lot of pain. My surgeon reassured me that the risk and complications were low even with my heart condition. I had total faith in his ability. The weeks before surgery I really tried to keep myself busy and not dwell on it, but still the days before were an emotional rollercoaster. My family and fiancé were nervous of course, but they knew that this would make my life better. Honestly, I really tried to stay as positive as I could because I knew this would help in my healing process. I remember going in on the day of surgery and the staff was so kind in making me as comfort as possible and I tried to remain as calm as possible. I have had a few bumps and obstacles along the way, but I do not regret it at all!!! I had to have a blood transfusion and my blood pressure and oxygen level were low. This caused me to have to stay in the hospital longer. I was re-admitted in the hospital 3 weeks after my surgery because I had a big mass of fluid collection on my back and they were scared that it was an infection. My surgeon had to draw the fluid from my back and do cultures (Thank God, it only ended up being blood). Again, I had to stay in the hospital longer because I started to run a fever and my blood pressure was low. It’s a long recovery, but it has changed my life for the good!!! Amber

[PNUTTRO]

Start the antibiotic today

azalea

If you start antibiotics today, it should be well managed by Monday. If you don't take it, your surgery is likely to be postponed. You will have antibiotics after surgery anyway.

As for the cervical issue, many times a pap smear has a false positive result. (I understand that I am making a grand assumption here.) Don't let that concern you today. Put that on the back burner for now. You will get definite answers soon enough. You have already done all that you can for now.

You have a lot of worries right now. Take this one step at a time. Ask for some help from your family and friends. I know how hard that is. I am so bad about asking for help. Realize that some people want to help, but don't know how. Make your needs known.

I think someone has already mentioned that it might be helpful to find some distractions over the next few days. I think you are dealing with this well, even though you don't think you are.

p

[azalea]

Everyone: Thank you.