Annm,
I've been reading your thread. You are very good natured to sit through the arguing about ethics of this and that. However, it was all very well intended. You are doing the best you can do for your daughter and are to be commended. I have a son with ADHD, and he was very difficult to raise without any further health issues, so I can empathize there. I think your daughter's body will determine how she eventually wants to deal with this. If Dr. Gupta says she needs surgery and she's not ready, then I believe she will be thinking about the idea whether or not you EVER bring it up. If she has quit swimming competitively, it may be a physical limiting factor that she just doesn't want to talk about. If she is in pain, she may eventually realize that this is what is best for her. She has a lot of time to mature.
My only concern is, as in the case of my daughter, I wasn't aggressive enough with her scoli. She was diagnosed at age 12 and sent to a "regular" sports ortho who said she never needed any more follow up. I stupidly listened and now she's 22 and I can't even get her to go to a "real" scoli doc to get it checked to see how bad it is, even though she has insurance. She has a lot of back pain and I can see her curve, although I think is subsurgical, but am frustrated that I have NO say because of her age.
The reason I bring that up is that YOU are the MOM and she is the CHILD. Right now you have the authority to make her medical decisions, even aside from what she may want. I'm not implying at all that now is the time to get pushy, as your relationship needs to be good. But there may come a time when the doc really thinks she needs the surgery and you might have to just say, sorry young lady, you need this. I would really talk to the doctor about this delicate situation. Teen mom and daughter relationships can really deteriorate quickly between 12 and 18. Sometimes I think it's the natural progression of things...it gets better, then it gets worse...and on, and on.
The above problem is that IF she ends up needing surgery as an adult, will there be insurance coverage to pay for it? That will be HER problem and there won't be much you can do to help if she is beyond the age for your insurance to cover her, if you have insurance. Kids get care for free. Adults don't. Plain and simple. It's tough for someone who is poor and uninsured to get help. Not trying to scare you or say that your daughter will be poor. We just don't know what life will bring and her opportunity for help is now.
I hope I'm not offending in any way. I am just one of those "poor" adults where literally over half of my husbands paycheck goes to paying for insurance for me and taking care of my medical bills. I'll be covered when the time comes if nothing happens to him or his employment. But it's something that I'm more than a little concerned about. My intentions are all the best and I'm certainly not trying to scare you into getting your daughter a dangerous and risky procedure. I just wanted to give you some other things to "think" about.
Rohrer01
I've been reading your thread. You are very good natured to sit through the arguing about ethics of this and that. However, it was all very well intended. You are doing the best you can do for your daughter and are to be commended. I have a son with ADHD, and he was very difficult to raise without any further health issues, so I can empathize there. I think your daughter's body will determine how she eventually wants to deal with this. If Dr. Gupta says she needs surgery and she's not ready, then I believe she will be thinking about the idea whether or not you EVER bring it up. If she has quit swimming competitively, it may be a physical limiting factor that she just doesn't want to talk about. If she is in pain, she may eventually realize that this is what is best for her. She has a lot of time to mature.
My only concern is, as in the case of my daughter, I wasn't aggressive enough with her scoli. She was diagnosed at age 12 and sent to a "regular" sports ortho who said she never needed any more follow up. I stupidly listened and now she's 22 and I can't even get her to go to a "real" scoli doc to get it checked to see how bad it is, even though she has insurance. She has a lot of back pain and I can see her curve, although I think is subsurgical, but am frustrated that I have NO say because of her age.
The reason I bring that up is that YOU are the MOM and she is the CHILD. Right now you have the authority to make her medical decisions, even aside from what she may want. I'm not implying at all that now is the time to get pushy, as your relationship needs to be good. But there may come a time when the doc really thinks she needs the surgery and you might have to just say, sorry young lady, you need this. I would really talk to the doctor about this delicate situation. Teen mom and daughter relationships can really deteriorate quickly between 12 and 18. Sometimes I think it's the natural progression of things...it gets better, then it gets worse...and on, and on.
The above problem is that IF she ends up needing surgery as an adult, will there be insurance coverage to pay for it? That will be HER problem and there won't be much you can do to help if she is beyond the age for your insurance to cover her, if you have insurance. Kids get care for free. Adults don't. Plain and simple. It's tough for someone who is poor and uninsured to get help. Not trying to scare you or say that your daughter will be poor. We just don't know what life will bring and her opportunity for help is now.
I hope I'm not offending in any way. I am just one of those "poor" adults where literally over half of my husbands paycheck goes to paying for insurance for me and taking care of my medical bills. I'll be covered when the time comes if nothing happens to him or his employment. But it's something that I'm more than a little concerned about. My intentions are all the best and I'm certainly not trying to scare you into getting your daughter a dangerous and risky procedure. I just wanted to give you some other things to "think" about.
Rohrer01
Comment