Divorce

[mbeckoff]

Thanks
Life is not about our timing but God;s timing. I am also being sued by my brother over my Dad's estate. My DS goes for counseling and my DD will not go because she says that she will not share her inner most feelings and thoughts with a total stranger. She has a form of autism , called Aspegers. I will get thru this . I do so wish that he would leave because life is so much more peaceful without him here than when he is here.
Thanks for the hugs and prayers

Melissa

Hi Melissa,

I'm so sorry about the timing of this. I hope that things will work out for the better for you. You really don't need to deal with a mentally ill husband right now, so I hope for your sake, that he will just leave so that you can move on. You are blessed to have two teen children who are willing to help you through this surgery. Councilling for you and the children is a good idea if you can manage it. More hugs and prayers coming your way.

Sally

[txmarinemom]

Melissa, I hate to hear of *anyone* with a bomb dropped on them that deviates from the surgical plan. It's tough enough to make the plan in the *first* place.

For your kids, I have no doubt you'll find a workaround.

So your daughter has Aspergers? She's functional - I'm gathering from your posts ... drives ... and your *core* family is happier without a non-contributing family member? That makes things easier - I'd think - for you.

You have some time ahead of you before surgery, right? If you feel the household will be better off without your husband in recovery, MAKE THAT HAPPEN, hon.

YOU have a family to raise.

2 months or 28 years of marriage ... *take charge*. Your kids are counting on you.

Pam

[joyfull]

Be careful with Xanax!

Melissa, Be careful with Xanax! It's really addictive and hard to get off of. I started with that I found I needed more very quickly. The Paxil has been so much better and keeps me very even. I recommend that you ask you doctor about it. All the best, Joy

[mbeckoff]

Really, My Dr told me that I could take when I needed .I did not have to take it on a schedule. Will I still be become dependent on it that way? I really don't want that problem on top of everything else I have going in my life

Melissa

Melissa, Be careful with Xanax! It's really addictive and hard to get off of. I started with that I found I needed more very quickly. The Paxil has been so much better and keeps me very even. I recommend that you ask you doctor about it. All the best, Joy

[jrnyc]

Dear Melissa
i would look into a rehab for the physical help...and a home health aide by way of your insurance...and a support group of divorced women when you ar feeling up to it physically...also if your insurance covers counseling...not cause there is anything wrong with you...just for support & a professional to listen! good professionals are good listeners!!

i was going to have the surgery before i got married, before i was even with my husband...i was looking into those options (minus the support group...i was single for 58 years, so kinda the opposite of you)...but your insurance should cover all options i mentioned...the more physical help you can get the better! because you will need to heal both ways...

will your husband leave when it is best for your health...regardless of "what others will think"...obviously, he isnt gonna look good to anybody no matter what...but there will be friends & others who will have your back...so to speak...there's a little joke to lighten thngs up! seriously, please reach out..friends will be there...so will this forum....

best regards
jess...in CA...for 4 days

[theizzard]

Taking the zanax on a prn basis is not too bad unless you begin to enjoy how you feel and decide to up the dose. You would possibly do much better to get on a good anti-depressant as joyfull said. Zanax is good if you are jumping out of your skin with anxiety but probably not a good idea to deal with this type of problem, which might be ongoing, at least for a few months (your husband). The longer you can stay in rehab the better off you will be.
Good luck to you and see if you can find a way to get your husband out as soon as possible. There is nothing worse when recovering from this type of surgery, than being stressed out by an ignorant spouse or friend or whoever. Better off with just those that really care for you.
Avis

[joyfull]

Hi Melissa. I agree with Avis. Xanax may be fine for an acute episode of anxiety, but soon you may find that you need more to get the same effect. I kept telling my doctor that I was not so much depresed as anxious, so although the paxil is classified as an anti-depressant it is more of an anti-anxiety medication than some of the others. It can help you get through a long term difficult time. I am amazed at how well it works, with no side effects for me. I don't want to disagree with your doctor, but you might want to discuss it with him. All the best, Joy

[mbeckoff]

I will call her in the morning and discuss the situation and see what she feels about which drug is better for me

Thanks for the advice

Life just seems very over whelming at times like now
Like at dinner when he said that he is not buying me a Valentine , which I don't really want but it is very sad because I have been with him since 1977 and since my parents are gone there is no one else that knows me that long

Melissa

[JenniferG]

You have too much to deal with. He's only making it harder, putting the knife in and twisting it. This is just cruel right now, but perhaps his condition prevents him seeing what he's doing? Either way, it'd be better if he moved out, but if he won't, can you keep well away from him? Perhaps you should tell HIM it's over and to stay the hell away from you. Don't cook for him or wash his clothes. Afterall, he needs the practice.

[JenniferG]

Sorry! That was a bit harsh.

But he's harming you by bringing you down right now, when you need as much going for you as you can get right now.

[mbeckoff]

What a horrible morning

He "gives " money from his check to pay for food, gas for my car, drugs, doctors,and anything I and the kids want or need. It is not enough money . SO the balance goes on my credit cards.He also has money taken out of his check for a health care reimbursement plan. Well, I just found out today that the money that I pay out to doctors and drug stores, he now has going into his checking account instead of coming back into mine.

I know that I should go and see the divorce lawyer that I had met with several months ago but I just don't see if anything can really get done in 6 weeks before my suregry

I am just so upset

Thanks guys for listening

Yes it is only 6 weeks before my surgery and yes I asked my doctor for paxil instead of xanex

Melissa

[Doodles]

Melissa--
I think Jennifer's advice was pretty darn good. Seeing a lawyer isn't a bad idea either. Even if you can't accomplish much at this point, you could get some things in place as far as what he has access to in your accounts. You don't want to see other money situations complicated--I think you need some legal advice especially since you won't be in shape to deal with this in a few weeks. It will be OK, just know the big problem--your back--is going to be taken care of soon. Hang in there. Janet