I was a hysterical, raving lunatic last night

[debbei]

my poor husband. Some other medical issues crept up on me that I need to get cleared up before the surgery. Hopefully, they'll turn out to be nothing, but that has me in a frenzy. Also, my husband was sweet and got me a hot tub for my aching back/leg. I started using it last week, and now I have this lovely UGLY rash all over my middle and some on my arms. I'm not sure if it's an allergy to the chemicals or bacterial infection. He brought the water to be checked on Mon & they said it was perfect. I have a dermatologist appt. today at 11, so hopefully he'll know what it is. Sigh... and when I was whining about all of this to my hubby, I said how much I hate HATE my job, and I just lost it, sobbing into my hands and hysterical. It's been at least a few weeks since I was like that. Then there's my nutty dream from last night where I swear, it was the end of the world or something crazy like that. Before I fell asleep last night, I think I was having heart palpitations, which happens when I'm all worked up.

So you see, I AM a raving lunatic. I am somewhat calmed down this morning, and my friend and I are going out for a girl's dinner tonight. We can't seem to ever have a conversation that isn't interrupted by at least one of our lovely children, so we figured we'd go out for a change.

Thanks for letting me whine.

[mariaf]

Debbei,

Your post reminded me of how I was in the weeks prior to my son's surgery.

Because his surgery (VBS) was considered elective, and since he is O negative (which is rare) we had to donate the blood for him since there was a shortage of O negative which needed to be saved for non-elective surgeries (traumas, etc.).

I only found this out a few weeks beforehand and it seemed NOBODY we knew was O negative, including immediate family, parents (yes, that IS possible!).

I was a basket case, could not function at work - heck, I could barely form sentences!

But, we did sort it all out and now we are four years post-op. So, I guess my point is - rant, rave, whatever you need to do to get through this time (going out with the girls is an excellent idea!) - but you WILL get through it and be on the 'other side' before you know it.

Unfortunately, four years ago I had not found this forum - but this is the place for you to let it all out (frustrations, fears, etc.) - that's what we're here for :-)

Best,

[debbei]

Hi Maria,

I know I'm not alone in my craziness, thanks

I also am O negative, but luckilly, so is my husband and all 3 kids. My husband and my 17 year old plan on donating for me, as well as myself. That makes me feel better. I know when I used to donate blood, the blood centers were always after me, but I stopped a few years ago because I have mitral valve prolapse.

I've been wanting to tell you, I have a good friend from Wisconcin whose daughter had VBS at Shriner's hospital in Philly 2x; once last year, and also this past April. The first time didn't work right, but the 2nd one is working like a charm. She also has 2 pictures in that video. The first time I watched it, months before I knew I was going to be in this position, I cried like a baby. I have had scoliosis since I was a teen, and just seeing how much better these kids have it than what I went through touches my heart.

Is your son in the video as well? I watched it another time after I saw the link on your posts.

Thanks for the note,

[Diane BCSW]

I wish I could get in the tub, but if I did, I'd be there forever as I live alone.
Just keep venting to your friends, your husband, but especially in the forum. It helps.

[Susie*Bee]

Debbe-- sounds like it's time for some deep breaths! Just keep reminding yourself that this, too, will pass. You will get through it. Life has many challenges, and you are in the midst of some really big ones. But time goes on and later on you'll look back and remember how strong and brave you were. That doesn't mean you can't be frightened, anxious, and even give in (temporarily) to some of the skirmishes. What is happening to you is big stuff-- and none of us are capable of handling ALL of it ALL of the time, without having our emotions let loose. Sometimes those emotional eruptions, which feel very necessary but can surprise us, have a great cleansing effect, enabling us to get back up and face everything again with even more determination for success. In the big picture, you will do fine. The roller coaster can get even bumpier the closer you get to the surgery date, so be prepared (and prepare your husband!) for some bumpy times ahead.

You have my curiosity piqued-- what kind of job do you have??? You can PM me if you don't want the world to know... or just leave me wondering! I will be glad to commiserate with you on working. I go back in August-- and even though it doesn't make me burst into tears, I have REALLY, REALLY liked being "off" this year and hate to go back. I try to get myself psyched up by saying how much I enjoy the kids, but in actuality, it's very hard work and there are always challenging kids. Oh well! Just another challenge to face-- and we scoli people are strong enough to tackle it all and come out on top.

[debbei]

Susie,

I'll have to warn my husband about that, thanks for the heads-up.

I am a systems analyst for a large company, and mostly I work from home. I used to be an employee, but 4 years ago I was layed off. Last year I went back as a contractor, which is also part of my stress. When I am not working, not only will I not get paid, I will not have a job to go back to either. Sigh..... but we will figure it out somehow. I will be able to get state disability, but that is so low.

I'm really not crazy about this job I am doing in particular. When I was whining last night, I told hubby that I hate this job more than I've ever hated any job before. Maybe I exagerated a wee bit but I swear these people I work with ARE a bunch of babies and nobody wants to do anything. Don't these fools realize if they don't have work to do, they might not have a job for long?

Are you a teacher? I wasn't sure from your post.

[Susie*Bee]

Thanks, Debbe-- now I understand. I remember reading in the David Wolpert book about warning your close friends and family that you might be emotionally "not yourself" for awhile, etc.

Yes, your job situation doesn't sound the greatest, but work is work. I didn't get paid anything this past year, so that part will be good (about going back) for me, but then again, the pay isn't very good. I'm the media coordinator at an elementary school, which is basically a glorified name for being an aide who is in charge of the library. I do have a BS degree, but in wildlife management (!) -- but also have extensive knowledge in children's literature, as that has always been one of my main interests. I don't have to work with acquisitions, or very much book mending-- because I just don't have the time, etc., but am totally on my own to plan and run the day-to-day workings of the library. It's K-5, and I usually have 4 classes a day for 45 minutes, where I either read a story, teach library skills, have book-related activities, or work on something else media related with the kids for about half the time, then they pick out books and get them checked out. It takes a lot of planning for the 6 grades levels, a lot of prep (especially for the younger kids), keeping order (which gets tricky when I'm checking out books--the library is a huge room...) and there are lots of extra things to do like bulletin boards, etc. And twice a year we have humongous book fairs-- and the work and time that go into them is overwhelming, even in the best of circumstances. We usually sell over $5000 worth of books, etc., at each book fair. Plus, with the book fairs, there's so much to do in the way of decorating and setting up and dealing with all the people. The time during the school day that I don't have classes, I still have kids coming to exchange books, teachers needing help, etc. I think it's safe to say there's a circulation of about 400+ books each day. We have about 14,000 books in our library. Never a dull moment-- very fast paced and demanding. And with kindergarten, it's hard to keep them occupied and happy for 45 minutes... So that's what I do, in more detail than you wanted!

[debbei]

Hi Susie,

Your job sounds interesting My 9 year old daughter would love you. She's always talking about the "Library Teacher" and things they do in that class. She loves to read, thank goodness.

Thanks again for the encouragement. I do feel better today. One hurdle down, the dermatologist says my rash is from not enough bromine in the hot tub. So we're emptying it out, scrubbing it and starting over. Hopefully my other issues will resolve just as easily.

[Susie*Bee]

Glad to hear your rash isn't anything major major... Good luck with the hot tub! That sounds like a lot of work! But at least it's not as big a job as a pool would be...

Yep, there are a ton of kids who love to read-- and who love "library class"-- and that is so exciting! I'm always amazed with the kids who confide in me that library is their favorite "special" class-- above gym, art, computer, and music. Of course, there are others who don't feel that way too. Just keep encouraging your daughter with her reading... love of reading is truly something that one need never outgrow. I love to see it "click" with kids-- and off they zoom, expanding their horizons. And it seems like it is something easier "caught" than "taught"--

[Ginger W.]

Emotional melt-downs are certainly a part of the territory. We just need to tell ourselves, it's okay, we are ALLOWED to have them during this huge ordeal. Most of us here understand completely.

By the way, maybe you said something really important about your job. Sometimes, during our meltdowns, we can actually see things more clearly.

[debbei]

By the way, maybe you said something really important about your job. Sometimes, during our meltdowns, we can actually see things more clearly.

Hi Ginger,

Thanks. You are right, however, I have always known that I'm not crazy about this job, but we needed the $$ and it pays the bills. Now that I'm under this new stress, it just seems worse. I'll be ok, yesterday was just a particularly bad day and I had no patience for what seems to me like childish behavior. Oh...to be independently wealthy

How are YOU feeling? Your amazing recovery is something else!!

[mariaf]

[QUOTE=debbei]I've been wanting to tell you, I have a good friend from Wisconcin whose daughter had VBS at Shriner's hospital in Philly 2x; once last year, and also this past April. The first time didn't work right, but the 2nd one is working like a charm. She also has 2 pictures in that video. The first time I watched it, months before I knew I was going to be in this position, I cried like a baby. I have had scoliosis since I was a teen, and just seeing how much better these kids have it than what I went through touches my heart.

Is your son in the video as well? I watched it another time after I saw the link on your posts.QUOTE]


Hi debbei,

(OK, I messed up the quote thing - LOL!)

I can guess who your friend is because not many people have had VBS twice :-)

and yes, I was very happy at the results they got the second time!

Yes, my son is in the VBS video as well. I'm not comfortable posting on an open forum which one he is but if you want to chat more about anything like that, please PM or e-mail me. I am SO happy that VBS is a viable option for a lot of kids who would otherwise face years of bracing and/or fusion.

WOW, what a small world!!