Intimacy?

[Megan_aust]

Hi all,

Thank you for your suggestions and support - now I don't feel quite so alone anymore!

I think my drs main concern is that I also have a heart condition and he's worried about a pulmonary embolism. I'm on a low dose pill though, so surely that should reduce the risk??

It's very difficult for me to contact the dr - I call his office, leave a message and wait for days to get a reply.

In Australia I'm lucky to have access to public health care, but the waiting lists are a nightmare and you feel like you have to be ready to drop everything and go when they say.

My doctor is also an older guy (about 75 or so). As an expert in the field I would expect this, but I don't think he knows much about female issues and I feel he's acting too conservatively here.

In the instructions for the pill it says to stop taking it 4 weeks before surgery but the risk of a blood clot is so low (due to the pill) surely its more of a risk to stop taking it.

I think I'll talk to the GP about it rather than my surgeon.

[debbei]

OK, I guess I'll brave up too...

My surgeon suggested waiting 7 weeks and at my 8 week check-up, we had a list of questions to go over, but since I wasn't really 'in the mood' yet, that wasn't on our list, so my surgeon finished my check-up by saying, "Since neither of you asked, I'll tell you that it is ok to have sex again." He smiled as he walked out of the room, turned and said, "just try not to hurt each other." It took a couple more weeks for us to work up the courage and in the beginning, things were VERY slow as we were both worried about hurting me. At about 9 months post-op we could finally have sex without me thinking about my back and analyzing every move we'd make, we could also move more freely from one position to another. Every now and then if I get too excited, I might move the wrong way and realize that my body doesn't bend or move that way anymore, but like every other part of recovery, you do learn to adjust for this part of life as well...sex can be fun once again!

Heidi,
Thank you for this post. Your pre-surgery curves, and fusion levels are very close to what mine will be. This has really been on my mind lately, and your post is very reassuring. As a matter of fact, I sent it to my husband to read.

[JamieR]

My doctor told me to wait two months. We went ahead and tried at 7 weeks post op and everything was fine. Just be careful, I accidently got pregnant shortly after that !! I am 4 months post op and two months pregnant.

[txmarinemom]

I am strongly considering having surgery and just wondered what your opinions are about stopping oral contraceptives before surgery.

I'm on the pill (Lessina - a low dose, non-phasal ... I just skip the last week and start a new pack) solely to prevent menstruation (I had my tubes tied 18+ years ago), and my doctor saw no reason for me to cease it prior to surgery. I took it the morning of surgery, and continued to take it daily after surgery.

Another added bonus was I never got the post-op bleeding many experience ...

Regards,
Pam

[becky331]

Thanks for asking what we all want to know!!

I am laughing so hard at these responses! I have to say, this is one of my biggest concerns...I'm concerned over the 7 week thing. I know, I know, I'll be in so much pain that I probably won't even think about it..but I get crabby after just a few days..so I'm thinking to myself, "7 WEEKS????" Pretty pathetic, huh?? My poor man, I hope he loves me an awful lot!

[Qikdraw]

Well its difficult, (I was going to say 'hard' but too many jokes come to mind about that ) for me to discuss this, specially with a female dominated forum. Also in how to keep it 'clean'. lol

My problem is 'movement'. When I 'move' I feel the grinding in my lower back, and after a short time the pain gets too much. (and the next few days are dealing with a lot of pain) Even the 'female dominant' position hurts because of the bounce of the matress. Other methods of satisfaction for both my wife & I have been ok, but it still isn't the same thing, although enjoyable. My PT gave me a pamphet on positions, but even some of those hurt.

My wife hasn't complained about it, but since activity has been severely curtailed I know it is an issue. At least I feel it is.

Any advice? (without removing what little is left of my fragile male ego? )

[lisanicole]

Qikdraw

LOL - I love that we are so blunt here. Way to be a REAL man and ask for advice from a room full of ladies. I'm proud of you.

What about trying a laying on your side position behind your wife? It's a fairly gentle comfortable position that I wouldn't think would put too much pressure on your lower back. Although some fusion patients have a hard time laying on their side.

I hope that you find something that works for both of you. I'm glad that you have such a patient and understanding wife.

Take care.

[Qikdraw]

LOL - I love that we are so blunt here. Way to be a REAL man and ask for advice from a room full of ladies. I'm proud of you.

Well what better place than to ask than a room full of ladies? Although embarassing, I also want my wife to be happy, so again... Ask women!

What about trying a laying on your side position behind your wife? It's a fairly gentle comfortable position that I wouldn't think would put too much pressure on your lower back. Although some fusion patients have a hard time laying on their side.

Laying on my side without a lot of pillow support starts to hurt pretty quick, add movement to that and I'll be hurting in seconds. heh

I hope that you find something that works for both of you. I'm glad that you have such a patient and understanding wife.

We used the floor with her on top, and that was fine, no problems there. I am also thinking of bringing in a chair from the dining room and sitting on that. I just hope my mother-in-law doesn't ask what we need a dining room chair in our room for. (she lives with us)

And yes, my wife is amazing, its why I moved from Canada (WPG) to the US to be with her. She truely is the one who is meant for me, which is why I am trying to find ways she'll be happy.

Thank you for your response! I was begining to think I wasn't going to get an answer. Thank you for not damaging my fragile male ego too!

[Susie*Bee]

Brad-- I thought that was very brave and "manly" of you too, and with much foresight--asking the ladies...!!! You probably didn't get answers (other than lisanicole's) because most of us just can't come up with any helpful ideas -- not that we don't care. Best wishes to you with this though.

[kassie84]

I thought I'd written this!

What kind of things? Oh, ya know that whole constipation issue everyone talks about? Well they give you a suppository in ICU to help you get back to normal.
He was so nice. He asked me would I like a female or male nurse to do it. I was so stoned I said I don't care and then he just rolled me over and poof, up my butt. *hangs head* I should have said female. Those damn drugs!...lmao

That is my story! The same thing.. Cute and nice nurse asked me if I wanted a female nurse but I just wanted it over and done with.. Ps is it wrong that the bubbling sensation turned me on???? I was getting weird feelings in my body.. Hehehhe!

[JenniferG]

That is my story! The same thing.. Cute and nice nurse asked me if I wanted a female nurse but I just wanted it over and done with.. Ps is it wrong that the bubbling sensation turned me on???? I was getting weird feelings in my body.. Hehehhe!

Must have been the drugs Kellie.