First post

[leahdragonfly]

recovery with little kids at home

Hi there,

I had surgery 4 years ago at age 42, and my kids were 5 and 8 at the time. It is definitely more difficult with little kids, because you will not feel very good for …several weeks… at least, and there will be a lot of things you can not do with your kids for quite awhile after surgery. You will not be able to pick up your 3 y/o after surgery. You will probably not be allowed to do that for 3-6 months, or maybe longer than that. For me I was never again able to pick up my 5 y/o after the surgery, due to a 6 month lifting restriction. By the time my 6 months restrictions were up, he was over 50 lb and over my permanent weight limit. This includes not being able to pick them up off the floor/ground when they get hurt and want to be comforted, as well as not being able to lift them up onto the counter if they need a bandaid, or into or out of the car if they fall asleep, out of the bathtub, etc. This was sad for me, and my son was 5. I think it would be even harder for a 3 year old because they just have such a hard time understanding that you won't be able to do all the things they are used to.

I used to spend a lot of time sitting on the floor playing with my kids…games, cards, etc. It is now not comfortable or easy for me to sit on the floor, so we play games and cards at the table. It is difficult after surgery to pick up stuff from the floor, so unless your kids are exceptional about picking up all of their stuff it can be hard to get down to pick up stray Lego pieces, dropped crayons, etc. A grabber stick is good for this type of thing. It can be hard during recovery if you are used to keeping a very clean house, because you will physically not be able to do the cleaning chores for months while you are under activity restrictions. Someone else will need to do the cooking, shopping and cleaning for a few months.

I had my surgery Oct 10, and we went out trick or treating for an hour on Halloween of that year. Lots of meds were involved, but it was good to get out as a family that soon after surgery. Outside of that I did a LOT of reading aloud to my kids while recovering, since I could do it while laying down and still do an activity with them. My husband and I made sure our kids knew that I would not be feeling good for awhile after surgery, that I would be sore and tired, and that they needed to help a lot around the house. They were very good about it but it was still hard. As Linda suggested, if waiting a few years until they are a little older is an option you might weigh this in to your decision.

How much help will you have with the kids during your recovery? Is your little one in preschool? Is there someone else to drive the kids around for a couple of months? Many people don't drive until 6-8 weeks post-op, or longer if they are still on narcotics. Is your hospital close to your home, and who will take care of the kids while you are in the hospital? These are all details that should factor in to your decision. I had never been away from my kids before my surgery. My in-laws came and stayed at our house with them while my husband and I were two hours away at the hospital for a week, which was tough on me and my husband.

I don't mean to sound negative about the recovery with small kids…it can be done, it makes it harder but if now is the right time for surgery you and your family will find a way. But if there's any way to postpone for a couple of years, it might be easier.

I am happy to answer any questions you may have about surgery and recovery … please feel free to send me a PM or post here.

[ksmom0611]

Thank you for the responses! I do have to have surgery now because of the pain and increasing disability. The only things I can do are go to work, come home, and go to bed. I do get the kids breakfast in the mornings but it is getting harder and harder. I have to walk my 3 year old to his classroom at preschool and it is becoming unbearably painful. I can still sit in the bathroom with the kids for baths, and help with soaping, but that's it. Luckily, they get in and out on their own (and my 8 year old does her own bathing/showering).

I really appreciate your honesty, Leah. I hadn't thought of a lot of what you listed. It definitely makes me sad and want to cry. Those are the little things that make me feel like my life will be so different. They have loved with my back problems for a long time, so they know they sometimes need to do things on their own. But not being able to comfort them if they fall, that's heartbreaking.

Linda, I hadn't even thought of the issue of grabbing him (my 3 year old) if he slips off of me. I'll have to see what the doctor says and just be careful I guess.

Luckily, my mom is around to help out. She'll basically be moving in with us for a couple of months. Oh boy....lol. The hospital is about 1.5 hours away, so we will have to figure out some logistical things. Both kids go to school, we will have someone help to clean. My husband is amazing and does everything. I'm concerned about the stress on him.

I'm trying to think of everything we need to set up and figure out ahead of time. I'm sure there are things I haven't thought of. Any other tips on things to plan for?

And...I scheduled the surgery for January 21. The countdown has begun.