My Leg

[foofer]

Great post, Amanda...

I'm learning a lot from your posts in the short time you've been around here. What a smart lady you are...

[Confusedmom]

Getting off of narcotics and muscle relaxants can actually MAKE you panic. It's a kind of withdrawal -- another reason to take it slow if possible. Sending you best wishes!

Evelyn

[LynetteG]

Thanks for all of your support. Spent half an hour on phone yesterday trying to get an appointment with neurologist. The nurse wanted me to drive all the way to Tampa just for a follow-up, and then drive all the way there again on another day for the shot. I explained how difficult that is while I'm a single mom etc and couldn't they do everything all at once? She never called me back so now I have to try this whole rigmarole again in the morning. Last time I went I had to wait almost two hours for the neurologist to come into the room where I had been put by his nurse.

I'm feeling really low in myself lately and hate feeling this way. I think I've reached menopause also as I've been suffering with peri-menopause for the last 7 years, and have had no period since surgery.

It feels like everything is crashing round me - worried about my leg, worried about the litigation I'm dealing with my ex - etc etc etc

Sorry for venting! Hopefully I'll feel happier next time.

[jrnyc]

hey Lynette
please dont apologize...you have every right to vent....and i'm not going to tell you any hokey phrases, like "darkest before the dawn"...i am going to say that you will find a way to get through this, but since you've been whalloped with surgery, litigation with your ex, kids to worry about and care for, and all this incredible pain, of course you feel overwhelmed! so would anyone else!!

i will tell you that menopause is easier with bio-identical hormones, which i've been on for about 5 years...they've saved my life! menopause was very tough for me, and i started it when i was 45 yrs old...i dont know if you are really in it, or your body is just in shock...but it is manageable with help from special doctors...

i hate dealing with doctors' offices when the receptionists dont get that you are in terrible pain, or they just dont get back to you...i hope you can straighten it out today....dont know if talking to the same person would be best...or starting over with someone else...

i dont know what else to say about all you are going through..i believe it will get better.....but that is easy for outsiders to say... please know that there are folks out here who are pulling of you, who are praying for you, and who are thinking about you!

best regards
jess

[LynetteG]

Thanks so much Jess - your words really touched my heart and meant so much to me - you are a lovely lady.

I found out why I'm crying every day and so sad and depressed. Apparently the withdrawals from Percocets are as bad if not worse than withdrawals from Heroin - it stays in your liver for a while and I was told to expect to feel depressed for at least two weeks after stopping the Percocets. At least I now know why I'm feeling like my world is collapsing round me.

I usually try to stay positive, but this feeling of terror, vulnerability, fear of my future, fear of my life, sheer panic, waking up at 2am and not getting back to sleep - is truly horrific. The lousy percocets have been horrible - and I will never forget that part of this journey. Plus my leg problem. Anyway, please God everything will all sort itself out - as everything usually does

[Back-out]

foofer,

You made my day - and more! Funny isn't it, how a kind (but heartfelt) word from a stranger online, can really - and I mean REALLY - lift spirits!

But not all that strange, as I think of you all as friends I just haven't met (in person) yet.

Without much elaboration, I've been feeling down myself lately.
For about twenty-five years, actually - after my older son was expelled from his fourth and last pre-school, and all hell broke loose then. The snowball has been getting pretty big on its way downhill since that day. My whole family is very dysfunctional, and each added his or her layer of twigs, debris and grey snow.

Emotional abuse from his father (ol' "Honor Killing X") and neuro damage (same father shook him badly as a newborn) did him in - my very best efforts notwithstanding. It got me too. That expulsion (and its effect on my life) was one of many "last straws" that started me feeling like a no-good. Doesn't make sense, just IS.

Don't want to rain on Lynette's own rained-on picnic - the focus here. It's good perhaps to generalize and turn this into a reminder that a kind word can turn into not just a ray of sunshine but a whole sunny day, at the right time, to the right person.

People are so much fragile than we realize. I am. And we underestimate our own power to hurt - and help.
Thank you for the sunshine! I wish I had an antidote to the emotional abuse I've been subjected to for so long. It's worn me out, soul and body (I KNOW it's behind the collapse of my spine, theories of scoliosis notwithstanding). No amount of self-talk seems much of a difference anymore, though. Other (kind) people seem to hold the key.

Like you!
Your friend,
Amanda

[LynetteG]

Amanda - you are indeed a very smart and wise lady - and I'm so sorry to hear of the life you have had to lead.

I believe that stress can cause scoliosis to worsen rapidly - I have been severely mentally abused (confirmed by two different counsellors - and they said it was worse than physical abuse), and through my marriage with my ex, my scoliosis rapidly went downhill. So I know there's no evidence, but I would swear on it that stresses in our lives cause our spinal curves to worsen very quickly. That's my belief and I'm sticking to it

[jrnyc]

dearest Lynette
about the meds...absolutely.... they stay in your system longer than any of us usually realize..
also, just in case you are entering menopause...that doesnt help one's mood, believe me...even perimenopause, which starts way earlier than anyone ever told us about, can bring on sad moods, mood swings, and all kinds of other lovely stuff! i know you are not up to or able to see any more doctors now, but if the time comes when your current doctors help you feel better with the horrible leg pain, many doctors can run blood work to check your estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, etc...not just endocrinologists or gyn's....

i feel so so bad for you...i pray you have some good luck soon with the doctors, that you get in to see the neurologist, and can get the shot that you feel will help with the pain!

did you reach that receptionist again, to work out a trip to the doctor that wont involve 2 days and hours on the road?! can anyone drive you? i dont think legs feel better when one has to be at the wheel, and i say that from personal experience!

i am so sorry for the grief and abuse and stress your life has involved with that ex...i do believe stress worsens everything...my G.P. in NYC, known me for years, used to remind me..but i didnt listen...that stress can KILL! literally...blood pressure, heart attacks, etc
and we ignore it to get on with our lives and what we feel we have to do! but somewhere in the back of our minds, we know it...but we just go on...till something happens! i hope and pray that things ease up physically for you in terms of pain...because it's hard to get out from under stress when things hurt so bad physically!
thoughts and prayers...
jess

[debbei]

Thanks so much Jess - your words really touched my heart and meant so much to me - you are a lovely lady.

I found out why I'm crying every day and so sad and depressed. Apparently the withdrawals from Percocets are as bad if not worse than withdrawals from Heroin - it stays in your liver for a while and I was told to expect to feel depressed for at least two weeks after stopping the Percocets. At least I now know why I'm feeling like my world is collapsing round me.

I usually try to stay positive, but this feeling of terror, vulnerability, fear of my future, fear of my life, sheer panic, waking up at 2am and not getting back to sleep - is truly horrific. The lousy percocets have been horrible - and I will never forget that part of this journey. Plus my leg problem. Anyway, please God everything will all sort itself out - as everything usually does

Lynette,

I went through a week of withdrawls that I thought I would rip someone's head off. With me, I didn't get sad and depressed, I got mad. That, as wellas the body achiness, chills, sleeplessness, and general crankiness. It's not easy to get off those meds, although I was told that not everyone had withdrawl symptoms. I guess you and I were the 'lucky' ones. I'd say give yourself another week and those symptoms should all be gone.

[Back-out]

People who don't "get it" and new research on HRT

That sounds really deep down sucky. As if it weren't hard enough to look after ourselves alone (while needing to remain towers of strength for small people who need us so!) - but then there's a whole system set up to make it harder.

Is it called "Reality"?

It's certainly not right for a mother of young children, one suffering hellish pain - should be expected to drive long distances for the care SHE needs - and THEN WAIT! Rinse repeat.

I"ve found that all too often, those we ask for modifications of whatever system they represent can interpret such requests to mean we see ourselves as "special" - jumping queue. It's as if they have lost track of our reality, the reality of the Other!

I hope in this case she had a really pressing reason for not getting back with you. For her sake as much as your own. (Sometimes, I'm getting to believe in Hell - apart from the one on earth, that is!)

It really seems to be adding fuel to the fire, here. It's easy to think of giving up sometimes, but of course, we're not allowed to.

I hope against hope you get this resolved ASAP. How far away is Tampa from you? Just keep on keeping on, and it WILL be sorted out. And don't forget you have your rights and needs, along with those of your kids who need you to be looked after by the universe and it's petty admiistratrors.

Re Menopause and HRT. Current research has recently emerged showing persuasively that if women start HRT early enough (around your age, though it's hormonal age more than chronological that counts) it can give a woman the positive benefits of continued estrogen without the heightened risk of cancers. Or at least, much reduced. The Ss in the famous W.H.I study (Woman's Health Initiative), only started HRT AFTER menopause was a done deal.

I myself started HRT in my mid 40s as soon as I felt those nasty effects of estrogen depletion, largely to avoid (I hoped) osteoporosis - my mother had it badly. And I sure didn't need anything else to interfere with my sleep, either. I'm still taking it at 64 (the patch form - bypassing the liver - is a big plus too). With all the bad things my body has been through largely due to stress and neglect, this is one good thing I did for myself. My gynecologist and I discussed the risks again recently, and she told me about this research (and the flaw in that famous study 0 the one "showing" that the negatives of HRT were so extreme they had to discontinue the study to protect the women given HRT).

Already approving my choice long ago, she clued me into this interesting methodological flaw which confirmed my personal judgment call, and recently the NYTimes wrote about it. The keys are timing and WHICH estrogen to take. Per this revised thinking, one needs to start in peri-menopause and not to stop. Also, estradiol (plant-based) is much safer than equine (also a very inhumane drug, for those who care abt animal welfare!). Those with a close family history of breast cancer might want to stick with conventional wisdom and avoid it (but not necessarily) . It’s a “choose your risk” game - always has been - but the odds are not what had been thought.

I chose mine and it was to favor bone, cognitive and emotional health, over what appears to be a much smaller risk of breast and endometrial cancer than the W.H.I study "showed". Frankly, I also appreciate the boost to libido and skin youth – and who needs hot flashes? (The heart effects have always been a mixed bag. Estrogen lowers cholesterol, but there are other effects, with unknown mediation). Note, to reduce increased risk of endometrial cancer, progesterone must be added - long known.

Everyone really needs a statistics course to read the newspaper!

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/18/ma...pagewanted=all

Since there is a large cluster of women here around your age, I hope they notice this link, read it and discuss it with their doctors to make the most informed decision possible. I mention it in particular, for you, because estrogen depletion seems to have a strong effect on morale, memory, stability and cognitive deficits (e.g., Alzheimer’s). Going through menopause as a single mother with SO much else to contend with, would be very stressful. - and we all know that Lynette does NOT need extra stress.

[jrnyc]

bio-identical hormones...my doctor is one of suzanne somers recommended bunch..very expensive though, takes no insurance...at least, she doesnt take mine and i dont think she even takes any at all...like my radiologist in NYC...doctors who've been listed in NY Magazine as best in the country....they charge that way too, but i find a way to pay it...i go to CA to see hormone doctor...but since she appeared on Oprah, it's hard to get an appointment!! sometimes we do phone consults! saves me plane fare!

i previously tried the usual hormone replacement that most gyn's prescribe...horrible! a world away from the bio-identical...of course, i have to have blood work every 3-4 months...

but this is digressing...i just wanted you to know, Lynette, that there are things to address menopause if/when you are there, but now is probably not when you feel like doing it...this is just info to file away for the future...

feel better...hope you reached the neurologist!

jess

[mbeckoff]

Lynette,

Just to let you know that you are in my prayers

Melissa

[JenniferG]

Thinking of you Lynette and hoping for a rapid resolution to this leg problem. I wish I could offer something more practical.

Amanda, I can often pick people who have an empathy born of having "been there" in one form or another. Some people become permanently angry, others just try to ease the load on others so that they don't suffer as they have. Sometimes a sense of humour, if able to be kept intact, saves us. I enjoy your posts and wish you well.

[Back-out]

Thinking of you Lynette and hoping for a rapid resolution to this leg problem. I wish I could offer something more practical.

Amanda, I can often pick people who have an empathy born of having "been there" in one form or another. Some people become permanently angry, others just try to ease the load on others so that they don't suffer as they have. Sometimes a sense of humour, if able to be kept intact, saves us. I enjoy your posts and wish you well.

Thank you so much Jennifer. This means a lot to me! I have been very much struck by your posts, actually. You are one of the truly compassionate ones here. There are many who care, but some seem to feel WITH and you're one of them.

[Back-out]

Lynetter (to Jess)

Apparently the withdrawals from Percocets are as bad if not worse than withdrawals from Heroin - it stays in your liver for a while and I was told to expect to feel depressed for at least two weeks after stopping the Percocets. At least I now know why I'm feeling like my world is collapsing round me.

I'm so glad this point has been brought home to you. Generally, whatever an addictive medication relieves, comes back in "Rebound" effect when it is withdrawn - the more rapidly it was taken away (and the longer one was on it) the more intense the rebound.

I.e., sleeping meds cause rebound insomnia, nasal decongestants can cause rebound congestion, etc. These opiates cause rebound depression.

Narcotic pain relievers are all versions of synthetic heroine, which activate dopamine THE feel-good chemical in our brains. No wonder so many people put on them for pain, become addicted to the "euphoragenic" side effects - especially if they have any underlying depression!

Even those who don't, can get hooked on that lift, that "all's well with the world feeling". To make matters worse, if they're on it for any length of time, tolerance develops (you need to raise the dose for the same effect - pain AND morale), and the harder it is to discontinue them. The depression blindsides many- like you - and some are unable to stop them. That means they begin to resort to doctor shopping or more illegitimate ways to supply what can be an escalating need.

After all, not only do people have to contend with losing the relief they had (I call them physical AND psychic pain-relievers) but they temporarily feel worse!

There are, of course, other side effects from withdrawing - varying by person and length/dose of meds taken.

It's too bad you weren't alerted to this depressive effect of withdrawal especially since you accelerated the process. I think EVERYONE who takes opiates should know what they do - especially what withdrawal involves. Otherwise, like you, they can believe their perceptions reflect an external reality, instead of being "iatrogenic" (caused by a treatment).

I'm very sorry you had to go through this without a "debriefing" . All doctors working with pain meds should be very familiar with this emotional effect and make sure their patients are too. It's much more helpful than vacuous warnings against "addiction".

Doctors are very ignorant too. No wonder so many become hooked!

What's more, treating a mother amounts to treating her children too, , because her moods and behavior affect her children. All the more reason to prescribe to mothers with extra care and plenty of information about the nature of these drugs! Double rough on you!