Ow

[Susie*Bee]

One size doesn't fit all!

HEY! I agree some MILs can be the pits, but I'm one, so don't lump us all together. I love my two SILs and my "almost" one-- and they like me too. It doesn't HAVE to be the stereotypic MIL/SIL thing...

[Qikdraw]

HEY! I agree some MILs can be the pits, but I'm one, so don't lump us all together. I love my two SILs and my "almost" one-- and they like me too. It doesn't HAVE to be the stereotypic MIL/SIL thing...

LOL nope not at all! My wife's MIL is great!

Brad

[Maggi C-B]

Symapathy.

Hi!
I just read your post, concerning the attitude of your mother-in-law and wanted to tell you that I sympathise.
I have spondylolothesis, which causes me constant pain and makes even simple tasks difficult.
I have no mother-in-law and live with only my husband & son - who are very undertstanding of my condition and help me as much as possible.
It's friends and acquaintances who tax my patience, with their lack of appreciation of how the pain affects my mobility. They can't see my pain and I'm sure they think I'm malingering when I say I'm unable to do something - as simple as go out for a walk - or I'm exaggerating.
Some of them believe that exercise is the key: 'You should get out and use your back more,' they're fond of telling me.
They mean well, but they're active people and can't conceive of pain that is so bad as to render one all-but crippled.
I'm now being asked to consider undergoing surgical repair to my offending vertebra and these same people are urging me to go for it. They believe that I'd be fighting fit afterward - and look at me in disbelief when I explain to them that surgery comes with no guarantee of improving one's mobility, or reducing pain. In fact, anecdotally, I'm led to believe the truth is often quite the reverse.
I guess no-one can really understand conditions such as ours unless they experience them.
I wish you all the best.
Maggi C-B.

[debbei]

Maggi,

I'm sorry that you get so much grief from those people. Sometimes people are just stupid and should keep their mouths shut. I get some people saying, oh, you'll be good as new after your surgery. They think that I'll have a brand new perfect back and it'll be just like the one I'm born with. Then I explain to them what the surgery is and they're shocked.

Good luck with your decision on surgery.

[Susie*Bee]

Dear Maggi-- First off, welcome to the forum! I'm glad you are part of it now, and hope you will find support and information here that will help you with your scoli journey. You'd be amazed at all the people who have spent time here while they were wondering about whether or not they would have surgery... it's a tough decision! In the course of time that I've been on here (just since last October), I would say that in general most of the people who post that have had surgery are glad they went for it. That even includes ones that have had some problems afterward. I can tell from both of your posts that you are very reluctant to consider the surgery and think that many regret it and don't get any relief from their problems and pain. You might consider starting a thread asking about success and failure or something. I'm not sure what your surgery will entail, but there are many of us who had long fusions and other procedures-- and I am one that is glad I had the surgery. It is tough though-- and I am still recovering from it-- but am so much better now than before, and know each month that I've made more progress and am getting my strength and endurance back, but it's gradually rather than quickly. I guess I just don't want you to rule out surgery based on some things you've heard or posts you've read. Yes, it's tough and takes awhile for recovery, especially when you are "older"-- but for many people it gives a whole new lease on a better life. I did not have spondylolisthesis, but did have lateral listhesis-- sideways slippage, which was corrected through my scoli surgery. You can see it very well in the 2nd of my x-rays posted in my signature.

I wish you the best as you examine whether or not you will have surgery. My best advice is to get as much information as you can so that you feel informed and knowledgeable on the subject. I have found that knowledge is the best slayer of fears. There are some good books on scoli-- and here's a link to an older post where I mentioned them: http://www.scoliosis.org/forum/showp...9&postcount=12
There's also a link to Linda Racine's scoliosis links in that post-- a veritable goldmine of resources and helps in understanding scoli.

Debbe-- you are so right in saying that people just don't "get it" when you talk of this surgery. They think one back surgery is like another... and there are so many people with much easier surgeries who recover in no time at all. OUR surgeries are major reconstruction of the spine, which I tend to equate with tearing apart and rebuilding the foundation of a building. If that building is older, it has settled and become brittle and easier to crumble and fall apart. Right? Ha ha. But we get fixed and it just takes a while longer to get over the changes and trauma. So it works out! I'm excited with how much better I'm feeling now-- and know it will just get better with more time. No regrets from me!

Brad-- hope you don't mind that I've gotten off topic of your thread.

[Qikdraw]

It's friends and acquaintances who tax my patience, with their lack of appreciation of how the pain affects my mobility. They can't see my pain and I'm sure they think I'm malingering when I say I'm unable to do something - as simple as go out for a walk - or I'm exaggerating.

Yeah my father was pretty much the same way until a few years ago when his hip started to go. (he just had hip replacement last week) He talked of pain, not being able to sleep well, etc... He said that it was odd to look fine, but still have pain. I just told him, 'welcome to my world'. I think at that point he finally realised he was wrong to dismiss my back pains the way he had. (for years)

Some of them believe that exercise is the key: 'You should get out and use your back more,' they're fond of telling me.
They mean well, but they're active people and can't conceive of pain that is so bad as to render one all-but crippled.

hehe Yeah, the well meaning ones are sometimes the worst. They just don't get it, and refuse to believe its really as bad as you say. Optimism is a great thing, but sometimes it can really get annoying. lol

I'm now being asked to consider undergoing surgical repair to my offending vertebra and these same people are urging me to go for it. They believe that I'd be fighting fit afterward - and look at me in disbelief when I explain to them that surgery comes with no guarantee of improving one's mobility, or reducing pain. In fact, anecdotally, I'm led to believe the truth is often quite the reverse.

Well have them youtube a scoliosis surgery. There are a few up there, tell them to watch the whole thing and they may understand after that. I actually found the videos to be very interesting and cool. Its so different than in my day.

lol I have to laugh when I say that, I'm only 37 and in talking people on these boards who are older than I am and saying, 'well back in my day', strikes my funny bone. hehe

I guess no-one can really understand conditions such as ours unless they experience them.

That is why I am glad I found this site. It really is helpful. Even just to blow off a little steam and get out all your worries and fears. I really have felt a lot better since I found this site.

I wish you all the best.

Thank you.

As for your worries... Each of us has a different situation so none of us can cookie cutter our experience onto you and say you'll be fine. However I would like to say that there are many great doctors out there that can do amazing things. I was an extreme case, having a 110 degree curve at my neck by the time I was 12. They fixed it and I had no troubles for years and years afterwards. Yes I have problems now, but part of that reason is jobs I worked, (I was just in construction, not exactly the nest for someone with a back problem) another reason is I was never given exercises to do to keep my back strong. They do this now, which will really help out a lot. I have no regrets about my surgery, even though I have problems now I literally would not be here if I didn't have my surgery then.

Take Susie's advice and try and get as much info as you can, and then make your decision.

And I wish you all the best.

Brad

[Qikdraw]

Brad-- hope you don't mind that I've gotten off topic of your thread.

LOL I'm surprised at how long some of these threads actually do stay on topic. In other forums you can start off talking about video games, then go to movies, politics, weather, religion, back to video games, breast size, sports, etc... This forum is actually quite focused.

Brad