Hey, it's me again ranting.
Basically, I've got some severe guilt issues about my spine illness. Well, this guilt thing was thoroughly nurtured since early childhood. When I feel this guilt I start thinking that maybe if I would have done more swimming, more passionately, more exercises, more you name it then my back illness wouldn't have had progressed and it's all my fault. Overall I like to think that I've got these guilt monsters under control. Once in a while this crap gets out of control though.
Anyway I went to a neurologist because of my headaches. Anyway I had this impression that I was accused- like - why haven't you done anything all these years!? And I started thinking - yeah, lets see- idiotic massage- nowadays it helps (sometimes) for exactly half an hour during the session- expensive thing, doesn't help now, it didn't help in the past(been doing it since 6 yo), swimming, here things get interesting. I've been doing it since the age of 7. Hated it with all my heart. Skipped a lot(and pocketed the money) when I was 14-15. When I was 21-23 started to be passionate(in a way) about it. Stopped because of back pain and because of severe pain in my chest when swimming, can't breath properly. Still people think swimming is a relaxing activity. What a lie. Swimming is a very, very intensive sport. There's nothing relaxing about it. What else? Quacks lots of quacks. Specifically the massage people.
Anyway the neurologist was making some comments about my posture. I don't know if you can find a more posture conscious person. I had to have psychotherapy to learn how not to be conscious about it. Anyway. I tried to have a good posture. It's impossible to have a good posture with 75+ degrees in your back. That's just stupid.
Anyway I'm not very active. One of the reasons are headaches. Specifically exercise headaches. I just hate sports and with good reason. Even cycling is dangerous, because I get dizzy
/End rant
Basically, I've got some severe guilt issues about my spine illness. Well, this guilt thing was thoroughly nurtured since early childhood. When I feel this guilt I start thinking that maybe if I would have done more swimming, more passionately, more exercises, more you name it then my back illness wouldn't have had progressed and it's all my fault. Overall I like to think that I've got these guilt monsters under control. Once in a while this crap gets out of control though.
Anyway I went to a neurologist because of my headaches. Anyway I had this impression that I was accused- like - why haven't you done anything all these years!? And I started thinking - yeah, lets see- idiotic massage- nowadays it helps (sometimes) for exactly half an hour during the session- expensive thing, doesn't help now, it didn't help in the past(been doing it since 6 yo), swimming, here things get interesting. I've been doing it since the age of 7. Hated it with all my heart. Skipped a lot(and pocketed the money) when I was 14-15. When I was 21-23 started to be passionate(in a way) about it. Stopped because of back pain and because of severe pain in my chest when swimming, can't breath properly. Still people think swimming is a relaxing activity. What a lie. Swimming is a very, very intensive sport. There's nothing relaxing about it. What else? Quacks lots of quacks. Specifically the massage people.
Anyway the neurologist was making some comments about my posture. I don't know if you can find a more posture conscious person. I had to have psychotherapy to learn how not to be conscious about it. Anyway. I tried to have a good posture. It's impossible to have a good posture with 75+ degrees in your back. That's just stupid.
Anyway I'm not very active. One of the reasons are headaches. Specifically exercise headaches. I just hate sports and with good reason. Even cycling is dangerous, because I get dizzy
/End rant
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