I Am A Boy With Scoliosis.. i hate it so much... i don't know what to do anymore :(

[Amin2646]

To sum everyhting up... It has taken over my whole life.... I have scoliosis in my lower spine, the lumbar, i believe is what it's called... but thankfully it is kind of in the middle and my spine goes back to position when it ends at my pelvis. My curve last time i was checked up, was 22-23 degrees... i was diagnosed in 8th grade with a 15 degree curve... i am now 16 and in 10th grade... i have lost weight and now i can feel my scoliosis<--- this is where my problem begins... From the very day that i found out that i had scoliosis i started always touching it and i just kept feeling the curve..i still do that... I'm so scared that i am going to have to get surgery, my doctor said that i dont need a brace.. b/c i hips are inline.... But i am still deathly scared.. I go through so much stuff wondering... WHY ME WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME! I dont understand! I always look at everyone else and just wonder "what is it like to have a straight spine" ... if i could just feel how that felt... gosh i dont know what i would do I really dont want surgery, i probably wont have it... i just want to be normal... can anyone see where i am coming from (especially another guy?) I just UGH! i dont want this anymore... my next appointment is i think the 15 or 16th of this month. I JUST WANT FOR ONCE TO SIT BACK IN A CHAIR FULLY WITHOUT MY SPINE POPPING OUT ON ONE SIDE!... why me... why does this have to take over my life.... why why why... I WANT TO BE NORMAL.....enough... this makes me sad Please someone repsond...

-Amin-

PS: i am sorry if i sound so desperate, but i feel that i can express myself about my scoliosis on here hoping that people just like me will understand

[rincotato]

I Feel The Same

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND, hi i'm a 15year old girl with scoliosis, i think i have a double major curve which is really noticeable to me and i bet to everyone else, i definately don't look normal anyway.I find myself looking at others too and thinking 'why can't i just have a normal spine, i'll never know what that feels like!' then i find myself getting jealous of ppl who have normal backs, which sounnds completely stupi, but i can't help the way i feel. i just want to be normal too! I feel as though i'm going through this on my own because even when i try to explain to others (which isn't very often) about how i'm feeling about scoliosis, they just can't understand, but why would they??because they have normal spines. I knwo what u mean about sitting in chairs too, i find it har to even get comfortable in bed! I don't have a brace and I don't think my back is bad enouhg to need surgery, but sometimes i feel like i just want surgery to make my appearance better and more acceptable to me. But i probably won't have surgery because it seems like too drastic a rick to take if i don't acutally need surgery.

I feel exactly the way you do and you don't sound desperate, even if u did it doesn't matter, because i feel exactly the same way, even though i'm not another guy i can still relate to you. And forums like these i find help u express what ur feeling to ppl who can actually understand you

[AuraFlarez]

I'm a guy with scoliosis, also. You're lucky you don't need a brace, yet. (although, you probably will need one in the future.) My scoliosis doesn't show as much, anymore. (it never did show too much) Ever since I got my brace, I've gone out much less. I can't walk one step without getting stares, in public. If you think your scoliosis shows too much, imagine how I feel with a brace... It's supposed to be "low profile" but it actually sticks a whole lot out of my back. I'm 15, going into 10th grade. I'm willing to bet my brace will ruin the rest of my highschool years. I just got shoulder straps for my brace and I hate them already. They are too obvious, even under my shirt. We all wish our spines were straight. Sometimes, I just want surgery to kill my scoliosis so I won't be such a social outcast. Girls have it much easier in bracing, they stop growing much sooner than guys do, which means they can forget about the brace and scoliosis. Enjoy your time out of the brace while you still can, man...

[rincotato]

I'm a girl with scoliosis and i don't have a brace and don't think i'm going to get one. But we really don't have it much easier, all of us whether male or female have issues with scoliosis, for me it's body issues. My scoliosis IS noticeable already without a brace and it sucks! We're all in the same crappy boat or hating scoliosis. I feel like you, sometimes i just want surgery to correct my scoliosis and improve my appearance. Are you going to have any kind of surgery???

[rincotato]

...and believe me, we can never forget about scoliosis, it's always going to be there and i'm always going to hate it.

[AuraFlarez]

Nope, no surgery yet... just bracing. The brace hasn't even helped me, so I might have surgery...

[rincotato]

sometimes i wish i could have surgery, but it seems to drastic a measure when i don't think i'm at the point of needing it, i just kinda want it. Good luck with everything then whatever u decide to do

[Amin2646]

...no brace for me...

The docotor said i have only two choices ... watch or surgery, at this point we are just watching.. as long as my curve stays under 30 degrees we wont have to worry about anything. Currently it's at about 21/22 so hopefully it wont go anymore. They also said when they looked at my Xray that the growth line thing around my pelvis is formed, which from what they said, means that i am just about done growing. So i pray that i am done growing... i am 5'9 and happy with my height... and if i get the news that my scoliosis wont get worse... i dont even know how i would feel.. it would be like a 3 million pound weight being lifted from my shoulders.... well until that news... i am still stuck....im just glad that i come here and talk to people with the same issues... it really helps

[flowerpower]

Just wanted to make a suggestion to you guys since you all seem to be teens. There is a website for teens with scoliosis www.spinekids.com - lots of girls (and quite a few boys) all dealing with the issues you are all facing. I have to say one thing to AuraFlarez: I know exactly how you feel - I wore a brace (Milwaukee) when I was 12 till about 16-17. I remember how traumatized I was at first to go to school and dealing with the stares and rumors about "what happened" to me, some people even made really mean comments about me being "handicapped". However, I was determined to "fight back" and not let it stop me from being a teenager. Yes, I was self-conscious but I realized that if I didn't make a big deal out of it everyone else would get over it, too. I played sports all through high school and yes, I even had boyfriends while braced! I know how important the teen years are, I have a 14 year old son who is facing surgery in December. I know he feels his life will be on hold for a while but I am doing my best to help him adapt to his situation also. This forum and also the spinekids site are great ways to help you deal with all this as there are lots of people who understand you!

Take Care,

Renee

[AuraFlarez]

That makes me feel better, flowerpower, thanks. That's good to hear, amin. 21/22 degrees isn't noticeable at all. Unless you bend over, which I doubt people will care about. Since you're done growing so early, it gives me some hope... maybe I won't have to wear my brace after 10th grade. My doctor hasn't even said a thing about how much growth I have left. That probably means I still have plenty of growing to do.

[suzyjay]

amin

21/22 is not noticable at all! unless u bend over! mine is 18/18 and no1 notices it!

[ScolioGirl]

Amin -

I understand what it's like to feel different and to want to be normal for a while. But the thing that you've got to remember is that people don't look that hard at you. Really. They probably could only tell you have scoli if they knew what to look for, especially because your curve is pretty mild.

Also, scoliosis doesn't have to take over your every day life . You don't wear a brace yet, hopefully never will, and surgery is definitely a very remote possiblity. Try not to worry. I was diagnosed with scoli a while ago and had 19* and 13* curves, I forgot them 99% of the time and lived a perfectly normal life, and I'm so glad I did. Now I think about scoli every day when I put on the brace, go to school taking visits to the nurse for pain, taking my pills, trying to schedule surgery, whatever. And I'm very glad I didn't have to do this - all the scoli worries about progression(not so much now that my curves have tipped surgery level), more worries, general anxiety, things like that - every day for the two and a half years my curves were stable.

Also, I'd really like to recommend Spinekids.com. That forum is extremely active and has mostly kids who are extremely supportive. They've helped me so much through all this, I think I'd be a mess without them .

[Amin2646]

thank you

Thank you all for your kind words and awesome support. It's so good to come here and be able to talk about my problems and have people help me deal with it. I know i probably won't have to have a brace or get surgery, but i think my conflict is more with myself... before i found out i had it... i never even bothered with my back... now it's literally every other minute... what can i do to get my mind off of it and not touch it so much...

-Amin-

[MrTubbs]

1st post bigup Amin.

Hi Amin, was ment to post yesterday but have been flat out resting, It would be nice to have a big screen on the ceiling so that i can read the long posts lying down , anyway Amin you seem to know alot about the degree of misalignment with your spine, and your still young, not meaning to sound patronising at all as my scoliosis was never diagnosed until I was about 30! and I've sufferd since about 5 or 6 years of age classified as chronic low back pain even though it would move to my neck shoulders stomach ribs top mid and base of spine with sciatica in legs, heavey migrains. All these things I have learnt to live with even depression (now cured), and have learnt masses about doctors drugs, nutrition, and excercise. Now that i'm 37 and have no chance of surgury as I'm in the UK and very poor and waiting lists are a joke, AND I reckon I'm to old for surgury because the surgury is very expensive and lengthy and I wouldnt be able to earn enough back to pay for it, comes down to economics. So learn as much as you can from these forums Amin as I will (this my 1st post) as I don't know a thing about degrees and disc numbers yet maybe you can help me, although I have self helped myself for very long time. I have learned many skills to make life a little easier with these pains, I will do my best to learn more & help out anyway I can in these forums, It realy helps the mind to know theres a whole bunch of us with something we can identify with. My best self help book with over 20years experience is " The Ultimate Back Book " by Dr-Ali www.dr-ali.co.uk helped me to understand so many things i was doing wrong, dehydrating, bad diet, coffee addiction, bad posture. I learnt safe yogic exercises saving hundreds in Ostiopath fees!, drug free pain killing massage oils, I can completely reset my spine myself now using that book, even breathing exerices and meditation, this realy helps with anxiety, confusion, moodswings, depression, frustration, and wanting to harm yourself and others. When things arn't so painful I have managed to be a dj producer and mix my own records design & run a bunch of websites etc etc so you can have a good go at things. Your post reminded me of the confusion and depression I was going through growing up tryin to work it all out, anyway I'm glad you found this place as I am, I'll try not to go on so long next post ok haha bye for now, my website is for all, all contents are free www.ka05.com

As for degrees of misalignment, All I know is my left shoulder drops down alot lower than the right one, I always seem to sleep on left side, I do my best to correct this, One theory from Dr-Ali says Scoliosis is more than likely caused by some kind of traumatic experience at a young age, mine was Meningitus-B.
Please excuse my bad spalling I'm also dixlexic.

[ScolioGirl]

Amin -

I don't know how you can stop thinking about it... maybe try to be more at peace with it? Wanting to stop is the first step, though, so congrats. maybe if you start to think about scoli try to move on to another activity that will distract you...anyway, good luck.