Cry my self to Sleep

[Cat Eyes]

Hey everyone. It's me again. Tomorrow I will offically have my brace for 1 week. YEA!!! So I am super sore everywhere and I feel like crying as I write this. I have broken down every day this week. It is so hard. I hate it when people say, "I understand how you feel." The thing is that no one can understand unless they have a brace like most of us do on here. I wish that all of this would go away. I have to go shopping to get all larger sizes. I can't wear all of my nice cool clothes. I can't wear anything I got for christmas and if I try it ends up tearing. Almost every night I have cryed myself to sleep just wishing that when I wake up I will find out that this is all a dream, that none of this is happening and that I could go back to the way everything was. I was one of the pretest girl and I was always complimented by guys on my body. Now most people look at me with disgust. I feel ugly now more then I ever hoped to feel. Every night I think 'why me? why now? this can not be happening' the truth that I plainly know is that it is and it won't go away by me sleeping it off. This thing makes my back hurt and me cry. It makes me not hungry and I have lost weight. I feel that nothing will ever be the same again.
As you guys can see, I am breaking down here. So please someone help me. I can't stand another night of crying myself to sleep, the pain, and the way that people look at me now. Please comment, respond, give advice, anyone just help me throught the times now and the times that I know are to come! God bless you all that have a brace and are brave enough not to complain as much as I did. Please remember me in your prayers as I will with everyone out there that cry's themselves to sleep.

[debbei]

Honey,

I am so sorry you're having a hard time. I do understand, as I was there myself at 14 yrs old. I too remember feeling really sorry for myself, but you can't go on like that forever. In time, you will get used to it, I promise.

I'm not sure how old you are, but I just want to tell you that you are STILL just as beautiful as you were before your brace, I promise. I am sure that people are not looking at you in disgust, really.

((Hugs))

[Pooka1]

I'm sorry.

Cat eyes, I 'm sorry this is happening to you. It's a raw deal. It's a shame things like this happen to kids.

Life is not fair. How could it be?

I think at this point you just have to focus on how the brace might help you avoid surgery.

Can you ask your parents for pain killers during this break-in period with the brace? Don't take them yourself... ask you parents first. I know I gave my daughter painkillers during the first several days she wore her brace and it really helped her. If your suffering can be lessened then it should be. I hate it when kids are in pain.

Please keep writing about your feelings. I will look for your posts. Hopefully, you will turn a corner soon and not be so uncomfortable. Also maybe find out how long you have to wear it so you can count down the days. I've seen kids do that and it seems to help.

In the meantime, do you know about cuteoverload and icanhascheezburger? These sites usually cheer me up.

cuteoverload

icanhascheezburger

Good luck.

[tessa]

brace

I hated my brace so much also. For me it was jeans and a sweater (10 years ago) ...

I ended up braking down in the dressing room of a store at the mall, while trying on pants that would fit over by brace.... and not make me look fat.
and tops where so hard to find, ones that covered the top of the brace, and hid the buckles.. For me I ended up wearing lots of sweaters. Thicker clothes hide the buckles. I found wearing skirts felt weird with the brace. and as for pants, try different designers, different brands have different body types they base their cut on, so what you hated before because they were to baggy at the top might just fit perfectly now. Also try the maternity section. I know it sounds horrible, but they have pants that are cut looser at the top... but still make your legs look good, and are not horribly baggy.

But braces aren't as bad as they used to be, so it might be easier for you to find clothes. I hope.

One thing that I found helped was to once a week, to just take an hour, maybe two or three, and take off your brace, put on your nice clothes, and have lunch with your friends. or dinner with your family. play mini golf.
It really helps.

and as stupid as it sounds you will find that the people who really liked you before will still like you, they just need some time to get over being all worried about talking to you. a lot of people don't really know what to say, your not dying, not sick, but you are different than you were 2 weeks ago. If you treat everything at school as normal, eventually people will be acting normal again. How you act to other people will set the example of how they will treat you. Even if you have to pretend for a while.

and eventually the brace will come off.

[Nanette77318]

Okay, honestly, I have NO clue what you are going through. I have a son who is 12, who just got his first x-rays yesterday...so, I'm just beginning this journey.

BUT...I am a mother and I found myself wondering what my son may say someday as our journey unfolds and my heart breaks for you.

You ARE beautiful. The size of your clothes or the opinions of boys do not make you beautiful. Beauty is in our hearts and it is displayed in each of us differently. Never let the ignorance of others affect your beauty. Never let their ignorance affect your NOW because this is the only shot you have at NOW!

Your tears are never cried in vain so let them flow freely. Tears are a beautiful thing!!! Each one waters a seed that WILL grow into a glorious bloom in your life. You have a compassionate heart and you're going to be able to use these trials in a positive way....

Evidence of that is already being shown.....you've impacted me already, in a good way!

[concerned dad]

You have received some good advice from the folks above.
There is little I can add.
I just wanted to let you know that your post touched me.

Some of the people on this forum are parents of children who have braces for scoliosis. We especially value the posts from people like yourself who have experienced it first hand. They offer a unique perspective that is so important to help us understand.

You have a way of expressing your feelings with honesty and clarity. I hope you continue to post here. You might also consider keeping a journal as one day you may be able to use it to write a book to help others who are experiencing what you are going through now. You are a very good writer. When you say:

Please remember me in your prayers as I will with everyone out there that cry's themselves to sleep.

It is so poignant and heartfelt.

You will be in my prayers. And don’t forget www.spinekids.com. There are many kids there who may be able to help you. And I am also sure that you will be able to help others. You already have.

[Christl]

I too have no idea what you are personally going through. My Daughter has very noticeable curves and we have not done bracing because we did not catch the scoliosis at the right time. The thing that impresses me about her in this awful situation, is that she doesn't try to hide anything. She wears the fitted shirts that teens seem to like these days. And anyone who looks can see that something is not right. But When she catches people looking at her she somehow does not feel they are looking at her scoliosis, but at her. I wish there was some thing I could tell all of you to help you be more like that. But if people were looking at your beauty before, that's what they are looking at now. That's the best way I can put it. If they honestly look at you different now, it may be because you are wearing your emotions more visibly than the brace and they may be wondering why such a pretty person is so unhappy.
Try to give yourself some time to get adjusted to the brace and your situation, remind yourself it will not last forever.

[Christl]

I too have no idea what you are personally going through. My Daughter has very noticeable curves and we have not done bracing because we did not catch the scoliosis at the right time. The thing that impresses me about her in this awful situation, is that she doesn't try to hide anything. She wears the fitted shirts that teens seem to like these days. And anyone who looks can see that something is not right. But When she catches people looking at her she somehow does not feel they are looking at her scoliosis, but at her. I wish there was some thing I could tell all of you to help you be more like that. But if people were looking at your beauty before, that's what they are looking at now. That's the best way I can put it. If they honestly look at you different now, it may be because you are wearing your emotions more visibly than the brace and they may be wondering why such a pretty person is so unhappy.
Try to give yourself some time to get adjusted to the brace and your situation, remind yourself it will not last forever.

[asccbodypro]

Cat eyes,

Just checking in to see how you are doing these days and if you finding things to be a little bit better. My nine year old son has an apt. on Feb 3 worth ortho for scoli ex-rays. He had an abdominal ex-rays about 2 months ago for some stomach issues and a slight curve was noticed. He also plays travel hockey and takes some pretty hard hits and falls. It is possible he has just been knocked out alignment. With my history we figured we would get an early start with watching him. Good luck and I'll keeping wishing the best for you.

Susan

[bracegirl]

hmmmm

so, not to knock the other people above me, but most of these people are parents of scoliosis patients, and I think that their advice is all true and good, but the only people who truely going to be able to understand you are those of us who have gond through this ourselves. When I got my brace, I was angry and bitter. I hurt everywhere and was sore all the time. I cried too, I think we all did at some point. I took a lot of my anger out on my parents, screaming that I wanted to just have the surgery and not wear the brace (I said it much more meanly though). But my parents understood. It helped a lot when I talked to my aunt, who had scoliosis as well. Things today are soo much better than they were then. I hope that since you wrote this thread, things have improved. but, maybe they havn't. scoliosis sucks, I know, but bear in mind that there are other kids out there who are dealing with other problems, like cancer and disabilities. I know, this isn't comforting while you are wearing the brace. but when you can just take it off in a few years, you will see that it could have been much worse, and scoliosis is a somewhat temporary problem. Hang in there, I know its tough. What my parents did when I had my brace first was during my weaning periods, when I had to have it on for say two hours, and then off for one, they would do different stuff each time I had it on. the first time they would make me take a walk and be active. the next time I had it on, I could watch a movie, etc. Motivation is the key. Surgery should be a last resort. also, if your friends aren't sure what the heck you are going through, have them over and let them try on the brace, of course it won't fit, but it is absolutely halarious to see their reactions and go "oh my gosh, that is so painful." Makes you feel good about your willpower. You are in my prayers.

[SmileyGirl8]

Why now?

Same questions has been asked by millions "Why now". I ask myself that too it is very frustrating the brace every night when I would wear it I would suddenly start to cry because of that question. My mom says that it is all in God's plan and everything will be okay, but I always ask that same question every night and everyday. When I first used my brace every thing fellt so weird and sore and the pads were killing me. I just wanted to burn it into little tiny pieces and throw them out right away. Nobody here probably wants to wear their brace right? I mean who would want too? Sure if you have like a cast its like wearing a brace, but I think its different. I really don't like wearing my brace but I know that my friends will help me and that it will work.

T 30 curve.

[Balletgirl77]

I remember feeling this way when I first got my brace too. I felt like everyone was staring at me because it looked weird, and I learned in time that really nobody cared or noticed. I know how hard it is when friends or your parents think they know exactly whats going on when they really don't, but remember they really want to help you and your real friends will stick by you. I remember when I first got my brace right after I got it me and my mom went shopping and I remember standing in the dressing room and crying wondering when this will be over and not knowing how I was gonna do it. Even though it seems like you'll NEVER get your brace off and that you don't even know how you'll get through it, I promise you that you will.

I hope you feel better!
~Katie~

[converse123]

i honestly had the same reaction when i first got my brace. i love clothes, and it was really hard for me not to be able to wear some of mine anymore. I had to buy bigger sizes, too, but its still not the same because the brace is pretty hard to hide, and i have to wear tons of layers to cover it. but i know that it is better than getting surgery, but i still don't want to accept the fact that i have to wear it everyday. i really hope it gets better for you!

[scurve4947]

Cat Eyes,

I understand your pain first hand. I remember when I was first braced and I HATED it. It was summer time and it was hot, as I live in Texas. That thing stuck to me and it dug into my hips and rubbed blisters. There is no other way to say it but it sucked. I just wore baggy clothes to hide it as best I could. I know you are frustrated but give it some time, I promise you will adjust. It is best to try and get the brace to do as much work for you as possible so you can avoid surgery. I am not so lucky. My brace didn't actually help me too much and I am now 23 y/o and am having to have the surgery done.

Just remember, boys are silly and their compliments are not a measure of how beautiful you are! It has taken me a long time to realize this so just take my advice, keep your head held high and remember, it won't last forever and in a few years, it will all be just a memory.

Good luck!

Allison

[StephanieSmiles]

I cried reading your post.
I feel for you. I'm going through the exact same thing, and have had my clunky plastic boston brace for just over a week. it is impossible to get used to it and i want to throw it out the window. right now my mom is bugging me to put it on. I feel like it is ruining my life. I hate it with all my might. I hate how it makes me hot and uncomfortable and makes me feel like an ugly, fat loser. It feels inhumane and unnatural. I am ready to call it quits with this stupid brace. I wish it was a nightmare too.

It's not fair, for you or for me, or for anyone going through this.
But I can assure you that you are not alone.

-Steph