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Thread: I'm driving myself crazy

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Central NJ
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    1,956

    I'm driving myself crazy

    We won't be deciding who to go with for the surgery until after June 5th when I have an appointment with Dr. Boachie.

    So in the meantime, I'm really trying not to go nuts. I don't think I'm doing such a good job. For a while, I'd wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to sleep. Now I can sleep, but all night long for days now, I have one nightmare after the other. Last night it was about my youngest, 8 year old daughter, and something was wrong with her. I'll wake up for a minute, realize I'm dreaming, and then fall asleep and go right back where I left off, or start over again.

    We're hoping to schedule something for the fall. How do I settle my brain down? Someone said something to my hubby that isn't that a really long time to be worrying. Now I wonder.

    I do want the time though to build myself up physically. If only I could do something about my head.
    __________________________________________
    Debbe - 50 yrs old

    Milwalkee Brace 1976 - 79
    Told by Dr. my curve would never progress

    Surgery 10/15/08 in NYC by Dr. Michael Neuwirth
    Pre-Surgury Thorasic: 66 degrees
    Pre-Surgery Lumbar: 66 degrees

    Post-Surgery Thorasic: 34 degrees
    Post-Surgery Lumbar: 22 degrees

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    near Philadelphia
    Posts
    1,260
    I walked for miles and miles before my surgery just to make myself physically exhausted and that helped my head. I also kept as busy as possible. But sometimes you just have to walk through the craziness....pondering this surgery is a big deal and it's normal to be anxious.
    Chris
    A/P fusion on June 19, 2007 at age 52; T10-L5
    Pre-op thoracolumbar curve: 70 degrees
    Post-op curve: 12 degrees
    Dr. Boachie-adjei, HSS, New York

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    New Bern, NC
    Posts
    1,445

    loves to skate

    Hi Debbei,
    Besides physical activity you might try Peggy Huddleston's Relaxation/Healing CD. I only discovered it 6 days before surgery and it seemed to help with the intense anxiety I was feeling. Take care. Sally
    Diagnosed with severe lumbar scoliosis at age 65.
    Posterior Fusion L2-S1 on 12/4/2007. age 67
    Anterior Fusion L3-L4,L4-L5,L5-S1 on 12/19/2007
    Additional bone removed to decompress right side of L3-L4 & L4-L5 on 4/19/2010
    New England Baptist Hospital, Boston, MA
    Dr. Frank F. Rands735.photobucket.com/albums/ww360/butterflyfive/

    "In God We Trust" Happy moments, praise God. Difficult moments, seek God. Quiet moments, worship God. Painful moments, trust God. Every moment, thank God.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Chicago-"land"
    Posts
    157
    Quote Originally Posted by debbei
    I do want the time though to build myself up physically. If only I could do something about my head.
    Debbei - from someone who's been on this surgery journey for 6 months now, I think it's a process. Although I'm still doing a lot of worrying, to be honest I'm just sort of sick of myself as far as MY HEAD is concerned. I'm starting to move into a place where I know that I can only get better from having this surgery and am confident about that. As a result I'm sleeping better, and having less anxiety attacks. I'm a natural worry wart - it's just my nature and being a worry wart has also made me a realist about many things in life, so I'm not sorry I have that trait....but it can take over if you don't see the POSITIVE.

    My positive is I will be able to do something more with my life after surgery than lie in bed or on the couch, in pain. Look for your positive and make sure every time the anxiety/worry monster strikes, you have the positive ready in your head to fight back.

    Hope that helps...from one head trip to another!
    Susan
    XLIF/Posterior Surgery 6/16/08. Fused T10-L5 in CA by Dr. Michael Kropf (don't go there unless it's simple, I hear he's at Cedar's now). Very deformed, had revision w/5 PSO's, rods from T-3 to sacrum including iliac screws, all posterior, 5/23/16 with Dr. Purnendu Gupta of Chicago.


    Owner of Chachi the Chihuahua, So Cal born and bred, now a resident of 'Chicagoland' Illinois. Uh, dislike it here....thank God there was ONE excellent spine surgeon in this area.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Central NJ
    Posts
    1,956
    Quote Originally Posted by Chihuahua Mama
    Hope that helps...from one head trip to another!
    Thank you Susan, it does help (now, during daylight hours at least.) I guess I have to cut myself some slack, after all I only found out about a month ago that I had progressed. All these years I figured that my scoliosis was taken care of as a teenager and I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. I know I am handling it better now than I did the first week or so. There are just certain times I can't control myself, and that's when I need to take your and others advice from above. Stupid times, like driving in the car and hearing a certain song--sometimes that sets me off into a fit of tears.

    You said it right, I am a head trip sometimes.
    __________________________________________
    Debbe - 50 yrs old

    Milwalkee Brace 1976 - 79
    Told by Dr. my curve would never progress

    Surgery 10/15/08 in NYC by Dr. Michael Neuwirth
    Pre-Surgury Thorasic: 66 degrees
    Pre-Surgery Lumbar: 66 degrees

    Post-Surgery Thorasic: 34 degrees
    Post-Surgery Lumbar: 22 degrees

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Houston, TX
    Posts
    1,757
    Quote Originally Posted by Chihuahua Mama
    ... from someone who's been on this surgery journey for 6 months now, I think it's a process.
    That's a very accurate statement, Susan, and you'll see people all over the forums who've described the pre-op phase as the toughest one.

    People also generally tend to feel a drop in anxiety once they make the decision to have surgery (and choose the surgeon/schedule a date), but it seems to ramp back up again in the weeks prior to surgery.

    Although I did need my lists to prepare everything for recovery, the level of detail was due to stress. The lists gave me a task on which to focus (and believe me, simply maintaining the lists was a monumental task of its OWN, not even considering all the tasks ON the lists!).

    What you're feeling is completely natural, and that's fantastic you've made up your mind to focus on the positives that will come from surgery ... and there are TONS of them.

    When it's all said and done, you'll feel SO much better!

    Regards,
    Pam
    Fusion is NOT the end of the world.
    AIDS Walk Houston 2008 5K @ 33 days post op!


    41, dx'd JIS & Boston braced @ 10
    Pre-op 53, Post-op < 20
    Fused 2/5/08, T4-L1 ... Darrell S. Hanson, Houston


    VIEW MY X-RAYS
    EMAIL ME

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    388
    This might seem simplistic or foolish to some, but i tried to imagine my journey thru surgery and recovery as a rickety bridge across a chasm. I knew it would be rough going for a while, but on the other side was relief and a better life. Also, I knew i just had to 'step out on faith'. I felt God would take care of me, and of course He did!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Houston, TX
    Posts
    1,757

    Very well said, JoAnn ...

    Quote Originally Posted by JoAnn5
    This might seem simplistic or foolish to some, but i tried to imagine my journey thru surgery and recovery as a rickety bridge across a chasm. I knew it would be rough going for a while, but on the other side was relief and a better life. Also, I knew i just had to 'step out on faith'. ...
    I don't think it's simplistic at all ... it's a great analogy. It IS scary walking the shaky unknown, and some days the bridge seems to sway much more than others. It really does take a lot of faith - and you just have to take one step at a time. Some days, fear will keep you frozen in place, but eventually you start moving again towards the other side, again, on faith.

    You can read about everyone else's experiences here, but until you have your own history, it's just impossible to even imagine. You have no idea how you're going to feel in the short term after surgery, how you'll recover, how you'll look, when things will return to normal ...

    Even the "normal" is unknown because it's going to be a NEW "normal". (the old normal wasn't working so well with most of us - LOL ... I know I didn't want *mine* back!)

    Regards,
    Pam
    Fusion is NOT the end of the world.
    AIDS Walk Houston 2008 5K @ 33 days post op!


    41, dx'd JIS & Boston braced @ 10
    Pre-op 53, Post-op < 20
    Fused 2/5/08, T4-L1 ... Darrell S. Hanson, Houston


    VIEW MY X-RAYS
    EMAIL ME

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