"poor self-image is common, and the majority do not marry", your thoughts?

[Alistair]

Look there is no reason to beat yourself up over this. There are people who don't have interest in the opposite sex. I could name some famous people in that category if it helps.

My horse also has no interest in mares. He is at least ambiguously gay and might be actually gay. It couldn't matter less to me.

I am not saying you are gay...

Hey, I don't want to turn this thread into a straight-and-gay issue, (BTW, I'm straight 100%, only my spine bloody isn't!:--), it's clearly off topic...
I read a few times about "reduced life expectancy" but never about marrying issues, and it made me think, so I welcome your opinions about it, and coincidentally I see that are similar to mine, the author of that article has a different view, he's entitled to it, but I think it's unsubstantiated.

I do see myself as "normal" (don't like this term one bit), although I can see I've got some issues with my back, for example I never talk about it, I try to conceal it as much as I can, and I rarely have massages... but on the whole, I'm not letting my back rule my life.

This forum is great.

[Susie*Bee]

I don't remember her name off the top of my head, but sometime in the last 3 years we had a member who was astonished that so many of us were able to be married and/or have relationships. She had never been able to... and she was sure it was because of her scoliosis. She felt she was very deformed and it prevented anyone from being interested in her at all. Ring a bell to anyone else? I felt so sad for her.

[Elisa]

I don't remember her name off the top of my head, but sometime in the last 3 years we had a member who was astonished that so many of us were able to be married and/or have relationships. She had never been able to... and she was sure it was because of her scoliosis. She felt she was very deformed and it prevented anyone from being interested in her at all. Ring a bell to anyone else? I felt so sad for her.

Oh that is so sad to hear. I wonder if it's more of an issue with females than with males? I know my daughter is way more freaked out about my son's crooked back than he is and she has mentioned a few times that if she had scoliosis (moderate to severe) that she would be really "bummed out". Needless to say I am SO glad that I'm dealing with my son with this issue and not my daughter. That probably sounds terrible but it is the truth and it is how I feel.

[Pooka1]

(BTW, I'm straight 100%, only my spine bloody isn't!:--)

Excellent. (smiley face)

[hdugger]

From what I've seen in the forums, boys/men are more bothered by their self-image with scoliosis then girls. I *think* it has to do with a sense, maybe, of feeling weak or unmanly.

[Pooka1]

I *think* it has to do with a sense, maybe, of feeling weak or unmanly.

I'm going to repost this if I see you make any more comments about other people doing psychology without a net.

[Elisa]

From what I've seen in the forums, boys/men are more bothered by their self-image with scoliosis then girls. I *think* it has to do with a sense, maybe, of feeling weak or unmanly.

See, now I would have *guessed* that scoliosis would bother the self-image of girls more b/c they tend to obsess more about every little thing about their bodies. My daughter spends far more time in front of the mirror doing whatever and notices every little flaw on herself and others too. God forbid anyone has a little pimple on their face b/c she would instantly notice. Neither of my boys are that way and seem much more comfortable in their skin. I guess it just depends on the individual. Some people regardless to gender overly-obsess about themselves.

[hdugger]

Yeah, it really surprised me when I saw the effect it had on men vs. women. That's why I thought that it probably tied in more with men's feeling of self-sufficiency or fitness rather then pure cosmetics.

It's also possible that the higher rate of kyphosis in men is playing into what I see. Scoliosis is far more "hideable" then kyphosis.

[jrnyc]

huh...considering how many "women's magazines" and fashion magazines are sold every month to women, i'd be really surprised if men are more concerned with their physical appearance than women are...
not based on any psychological stuff, just based on what i know about marketing to women...cosmetics, clothes, Spanx, etc...

that is not to say that i dont see a whole lotta self obsessed men...

jess

[hdugger]

Yeah, I don't think it's solely a cosmetic thing. It seems like it's something else, which I'm trying to identify.

There's been a recent discussion on this issue (self perception/self esteem) over on the scoliosis support forum, and some of them noted the same gender differences. I have a boy, and he's totally not obsessed with his looks, but feeling "deformed" strikes at something else in his core. Something more about feeling not fit (in a physical sense) to perform his role.

[Christian0710]

Hi Alistair
Interesting question! I see it this way: The world is full of suggestions and statistics, and the more we believe that this means something about ourselves and our choices in life, the more we limit ourselves.
I could suggest that you are an awesome person (especially wearing swimsuits ) , and that people with scoliosis are in general are strong because they have decided to take up the challenge and live with it, and to do whatever they can to get the best out of life! But then again, it's just an opinion but it suggests something more positive so like it more