Surgery date is approaching and I'm a mess!!

[mschaeffer]

Hi, this is my 1st post. My duaghter who is 14 is having surgery the end of July at De Vos Childrens Hospital in Grand Rapids Michigan. Most nights I don't sleep(I cry) just thinking about it. I have read many of the posts on this website and I often feel better since most of them have been positive outcomes. I, of course, always end up reflecting on the worst scenario instead of all of the positive results that this surgery will bring. Does anyone have any good pre-op coping remedies? Also my daughter has had a lot of stomach issues ever since she was in 3rd grade did anyone else have stomach issues (irratability) associated with their scoliosis? Any suggestions for things for us to bring to the hospital to keep her mind at ease and busy?

[Susie*Bee]

Dear mschaeffer-- First off, I'm really glad you posted about your daughter's upcoming surgery-- and how you are feeling about it. Your feelings are absolutely normal, so take heart in that if you can. Be prepared for a bumpy time, but try to fill it with some enjoyable things that you and your daughter (and whomever else!) can do to take your mind off it. This can be a special time for bonding. I remember reading some other posts where they planned a party for shortly before the surgery... just the planning and prep for something like that could occupy time! Everyone says the time leading up to the surgery is the worst! But then it all settles down and becomes so much better-- the worry will be gone and the recovery work begins. If you do a search, you will find some lists from moms who posted their advice on what to take to the hospital. My best suggestion for right now is to let the "mom" in you take over-- try to put your own fears in the backseat and be as supportive and as excited as possible for your daughter, to meet her needs. She too is probably crying at night and needing to feel like this is going to be ok and for the best-- which it is. Try to read some of the posts from moms right after their child's surgery... it's like a big "sigh" of relief, and "why was I so worked up anyway?" You'll be with that bunch soon!

I'd like to add your daughter's surgery to the thread on upcoming surgeries (July, Aug., etc. surgeries) in the adult surgery area where we have them posted, but need to know the date and whatever other info you want to appear there. If you go to that it will also tell you how to add the surgery to the official calendar, if you don't know about that. Here's the link: http://www.scoliosis.org/forum/showthread.php?t=7443

Hang in there! It will all work out. Hugs, Susie

[Karen40]

I know that this is a difficult time. I pretty much stopped functioning for the month before my daughter's surgery and was a basket case. I also ended up eating my way up 15 lbs. and now 7 months post-surgery, I'm still struggling to lose it.... It is a scary time when you are putting your trust in others and you feel helpless.

I think what one has to realize is that the decision to go ahead with the surgery didn't come easily and you know that in your heart, it's the right thing to do. You have to put your faith in the Universe and trust that everything will be ok. Your own worrying will just add to your daughter's anxiety.

Hang in there and have faith that it will all be ok. Best of luck to all of you!

Karen

[KJUNGRL2]

I ma one of those moms who had a HUGE sigh of relief! My 11 year old daughter had surgery in May, and she is doing wonderful. You can't even tell she has had surgery. She still has limitations of course, but is moving dancing being crazy again!
I tis a tough road, but you have to be strong for her! I would come to work many days bawlong my eyes out, b/c I ahd to be so strong at home! thsi place was a godsend for me!
Good luck and stay positive!!

[Jennybear]

I'm not a parent but it is a huge sigh of relief afterwards. i'm 14 and had my surgery about 7 weeks ago. It feels way better once it's overwith and you'll wonder why you were even worried.

You definatly have to stay positive and don't freak out your daughter cause I know that it feels a whole lot better when your mom is strong. I hated seeing my mom like that!

When I was in the hospital I used my cell, i-pod, and the T.V. in the room. (Mostly the t.v.) She will be so tired and drowsy but if she has like a favorite pillow or something it does help.

Good Luck and Best Wishes!

[conmay]

I too remember the time leading up to the surgery. My 15 year old daughter had her surgery on June 10. School ended on May 30, then she had a horse show on June 8. I was busy preparing for the horse show - deciding what to take for our picnic and hanging out for 8 hours. Then I was also preparing for my in-laws to come and stay with us while Chelsea was in the hospital, plus preparing for the surgery. I felt like I was preparing for a big event but it wasn't going to be fun!

I don't think I cried, but I did doubt our decision. We interviewed 2 add'l docs for 2nd opinions. I really liked Dr. Crawford from Cincy Children's Hospital, but it's 2+ hours away and insurance would pay less since it's not in-network. In the end we decided to stay with our current doctor (who trained under Dr. Crawford). We have been with him since Chelsea's diagnosis at age 7.

You do have to be strong (for your daughter's sake) and know that the surgery is necessary so your daughter will not continue to curve and look deformed. It's kind of a "no-brainer", but it is very nervous to think of having a child tackle this kind of major surgery. I did a lot of praying.

[kimg]

Hi,

I totally understand your concerns. My 13 year old son is scheduled for surgery next Thursday, July 17th at Shriners in Philadelphia. We have been trying our best to keep him busy and happy. He also has suffered from stomach irritability for a little over a year. We have taken him to a GI doctor who found bacterial overgrowth, but he isn't sure of the cause. My husband and I really feel that it is being cause by the scoliosis. We are hoping the stomach problems are relieved after surgery.

Good luck--I'll be thinking of you.

Kim

[debbei]

Good luck with your daughter's surgery. I know the stress I feel about my own upcomning surgery, I think it would be 10x worse to worry about my child. I hope everything turns out perfect for her.

[Pooka1]

Hi. I'm sorry you are going through this.

My one daughter had fusion this spring. My husband bought her an IPOD as a gift for the hospital so she could listen to music. She really liked having that.

When we were on the glide path towards surgery, my daughter didn't much want to talk about it or hear mention of it. So we didn't mention it.

Plan the days and fill them, especially in the days right before surgery. In our case, a friend of mine from grad school who I hadn't seen in several years was visiting his parents in our town. He came over with his two sons and we all hiked around the woods, collected rocks, looked for amphibians, etc.

My daughter attended school the two days before surgery and I think that was very good for her to stay in the normal routine. Since it's summer, there is likely no school (there are year round schools here in Raleigh) so whatever routine you had going, I would continue.

For me, I tried to stay in the moment. This can be hard when your mind keeps wandering into the future wondering how the surgery will go and what lies ahead in general. But I realized that letting my mind wander forward was useless or worse. Staying in the moment as much as possible was what helped me most. I used my extreme confidence in the surgeon as an anchor point to allow me to stay in the moment.

I have no input on the stomach issues.

Good luck.

sharon

[Susie*Bee]

mschaeffer and kimg...

I'm going to go ahead and add both these surgeries onto the thread in the adult section of upcoming surgeries... If either of you (mschaeffer and kimg) want more info posted, just let me know.

Here's a link to that other thread: http://www.scoliosis.org/forum/showthread.php?t=7443

Best wishes for successful surgeries and recoveries. I'll be praying for both your kids. Susie

[WNCmom]

I woke up this morning thinking about kimg's 13 year old son who is having surgery today at Shriner's in Philadelphia. I sure hope she'll post to let us know how he's doing. They must be several hours into it by now...

I know this board is probably the last thing she's thinking about, but I just had to post.

[Susie*Bee]

I've been wondering too about that surgery-- has anyone heard? And tomorrow is mschaeffer's daughter's surgery. Does anyone hear from either one of them?

[bri7bo7]

mschaeffer,

I'm kinda in the same boat as your daughter. I'm 15 and im heavy into soccer, i play for a premier team out of town and im hoping to play college someday. As of now, im waiting for my consultation with my surgeon on August 28th but for the time being, we're planning on the surgery.

I've also been kind of a wreck, coming online and reading all these stories about others awaiting and recovering from surgery. It's answering a lot of my questions but not all and those unanswered questions have kept me up at night but thats why i got the account!

So far i havent heard of any bad outcomes (thankfully) but like i told my mom, i dont know that they would put anything like that on this forum considering its supposed to mentally prepare you and help you with your worries before surgery!

[txmarinemom]

So far i havent heard of any bad outcomes (thankfully) but like i told my mom, i dont know that they would put anything like that on this forum considering its supposed to mentally prepare you and help you with your worries before surgery!

bri7bo7,

The posts you read here are not sugarcoated to "mentally prepare" you. For the most part, what you see/read about surgeries is how it went.

Yes, details may be left out; typically, I'd guess there aren't intentional omissions. Certainly, no one in charge is editing out "anything like that" ...

Regards,
Pam

[Pooka1]

Certainly, no one in charge is editing out "anything like that" ...

I agree. This place appears to function much more like an unmoderated than a moderated forum.

I like to think of it as a little runaway train at times.