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  • You were all right

    and I was just so blind I couldn't see it. Wow I feel dumb. I'm so glad that you all helped to pull the woll off of my eyes.

    I was talking to my mom today and I admit I was getting down on myself crying about health issues and worrying about my future etc. And you know, I have NOT been happy since I was in college. My mom sat me down and talked to me. I was upset saying I was dealt an unfair hand in life and that I was angry anry angry at God and at everyone else. And we talked and I sort of realized...I'm not perfect, but I only get 1 life. I'm never going to be 26 again. If the doctor said my spine is NOT curved enough to be noticed and everyone else says it is not really noticeable, then why am I wasting precdious time crying and worrying and being angry about it? I didn't even realize that I was focusing so much on myself but I guess I really was. She kept giving me examples of challenges others faced and I have to admit I was saying that they were nothing compared to what I faced. then she said I would never be happy if I did not accept myself for who I am and not keep trying to change everything about myself...just learn to go with the flow. And everyone has has told me that before but it never hit home.

    Then my mom told me the clincher. She made me promise I would never tell anyone. I promised. Her best friend's son is my brother's buddy. Great kid and I love him to death. I have known him forever. Anyway my mother told me that he was born without genitals. He is now 23 but up until 2 years ago they did not know if he was truly a boy or a girl. He has scars all over his abdomen from where they created genitals for him. My mom said he almost died as a child and her friend was beside herself...and that is why she never had any more kids. I NEVER EVER knew that. I would never suspect. And what blows my mind is that this kid is now an engineer, climbs moutains in his free time, and has found the love of his life in a wonderful girl who loves him for who he is. And then I felt like a royal idiot for whining about myself and moaning about how many struggles I have faced. It was then that I sort of let go...and just realized that I am in control of my own happiness...I can choose to be miserable, or I can make the most of my life.

    I'm choosing to LIVE. With all my flaws and faults. I just need to be me.

    Thank you all so much for listening to my rants and I'm sorry if I was so wrapped up in myself. I admire you all so much. Hopefully I can get to where you are...and accept and love myself for who I am. I'm gonna work on that
    28 years old. Dx at age 14.

    1994 20T/20L
    1998 22T/20L
    2002 30T/28L
    2006 34T/28L
    2008 43T/34L

    considering surgery in the near future as the curvature is getting progressively worse and for pain management.

    XRAYS and pics at 28 years old. http://www.freewebs.com/skiergirl24/apps/photos/

  • #2
    I don't know, maybe it's just me. But if you promised your Mom that you would never tell anyone, didn't you just break that promise in a big way by posting that extremely private information on this site?!!!

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    • #3
      how would anyone here know who i am talking about???

      jesus no matter what i post here i get reamed out
      28 years old. Dx at age 14.

      1994 20T/20L
      1998 22T/20L
      2002 30T/28L
      2006 34T/28L
      2008 43T/34L

      considering surgery in the near future as the curvature is getting progressively worse and for pain management.

      XRAYS and pics at 28 years old. http://www.freewebs.com/skiergirl24/apps/photos/

      Comment


      • #4
        Well Mobee, Your last post on the thread "I wrote a letter to my surgeon" was dramatic.......... "I won't post again since it's clear that I upset you" No you didn't upset most people, they were just VERY concerned about you! You weren't dumb, just not focused in the right direction. And then you get upset with Dorigirl for stating the obvious about the promise to your Mom. You don't know who might log on to this forum and put 2&2 together and know who you are talking about. I bet you never thought about people who know that you are doing research on this site just might want to check it out for themselves. ESPECIALLY your Mom. I am glad you decided to take control of your own happiness. I hope you are able to. I have learned no matter how bad I might think things are for me, there is ALWAYS someone who is worse off then me.

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi Mobee...

          Glad you've seen the light. :-) Hope you will always be able to talk to your mother so honestly, and that you'll continue to be able to see that things aren't as bad as your mind sometimes leads you to believe. Good work.

          Regards,
          Linda
          Never argue with an idiot. They always drag you down to their level, and then they beat you with experience. --Twain
          ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
          Surgery 2/10/93 A/P fusion T4-L3
          Surgery 1/20/11 A/P fusion L2-sacrum w/pelvic fixation

          Comment


          • #6
            Hi Mobee, well you have stated before that you were at a breaking point, and that hit home with me(b/c I often feel that way, with this last surgery, among many other things that happened this year), and now since you have been so blunt and honest without censoring yourself and let all your emotions out, I will do the same.

            I have absolutely no problems with anybody coming here and posting about their fears, frustrations, complaints and sorrows, after all, I believe a forum is also for that-to reach out and share, and ultimately get support. I belive you got an enormous amount of support, and that is great. I understood what you meant, and I even could relate. What I had a problem with is the way you shared all you were dealing with. The talk about suicide OVER and over again, I'm afraid must have struck a cord with some of us who have battled depression, depressed periods and even thoughts of suicide b/c of scoliosis, surgeries and even other problems we may have in our lives. That includes myself, as I have been having ups and major lows since this last surgery, and may I say have been trying to deal with it the best way I can, but reading some of your posts didn't help. I hope you can realize that and maybe think next time if you ever feel you need to share your deepest, darkest thoughts that others can be affected on some level by how you express yourself. I have seen all you have accomplished, and I'm baffled as to why you would even conisder that. How would those people and your family feel if you gave up, I wonder. That's why I try to think about the people left in my life and try to get over myself b/c it is selfishness-to a degree.

            Well, I now shared and am done. I am ecstatic that you talked to your mom and that she made you realize some very important things, hope you keep going.
            Last edited by sweetness514; 07-22-2006, 07:22 PM.
            35 y/old female from Montreal, Canada
            Diagnosed with scoliosis(double major) at age 12, wore Boston brace 4 years at least 23 hours a day-curve progressed
            Surgery age 26 for 60 degree curve in Oct. 1997 by Dr.Max Aebi-fused T5 to L2
            Surgery age 28 for a hook removal in Feb. 1999 by Dr.Max Aebi-pain free for 5 years
            Surgery age 34 in Dec.2005 for broken rod replacement, bigger screws and crosslinks added and pseudarthrosis(non union) by Dr. Jean Ouellet

            Comment


            • #7
              Way to go Mobee! I do wish you the best of luck in your new state of mind! You sound like a great person, so it's about time you start realizing you are one!
              Jen
              24/NY
              Harrington rod placement & fusions
              11/2/94
              60T, 35L

              Comment


              • #8
                VERY,VERY well said sweetness!

                Comment


                • #9
                  I'm sure this won't be received well because it's a negative but here goes; I call troll.
                  I have seen people join message boards in all these years I've been online, for the soul purpose of being overly dramatic. Creating an account, a huge sob story, get everyone to pay attention to them and support etc etc. I actually know a group of people who do this kind of thing for fun. It's disturbing.
                  I never replied to anymore of Mobees posts after several extremely dramatic ones where the stuff just didn't add up for me, so many diseases, issues, health problems, not being able to correctly identify her curves, overly dramatic threats of suicide etc etc etc.
                  There are many clues in her posts that tell me this person is just a forum troll.
                  This is also just my opinion.
                  36 year old single mom of teens ages 14 & 15.
                  Anterior/posterior spinal fusion on February 9th & 16th 2006 with Dr. Anthony Moreno who now has his own practice.
                  Fused from T-3 to S-1 (sacrum)
                  Curve pre-op = 70 degrees
                  Curve post op = 20 degrees
                  No pain anymore!!
                  Google is your friend

                  I am not a doctor and will never give medical advice. I will support and answer questions from personal experience only.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hey Kat,
                    I've been feeling the same way. It's the first time in the 2 years that I've been a part of this board that I've seen posts that have such a negative effect on other people. I too have seen the 'troll' effect on other boards and this is exactly the MO I've seen. The poster suddenly appears out of nowhere with all sorts of issues and the "poor me" posts and then they turn their stories around into a few different versions that they and no one else can keep track of. It's sad really and I hope that our scoliosis family can return to normal soon.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Phew! *wipes brow*
                      I really thought I'd be the only to see it this way. I'm so glad someone else got the same vibes I did when reading her stuff.
                      It's very sad when people do become forum trolls.

                      Like I said, I know people who do it for fun. The most recent story I heard and actually followed links to, was to a weight watchers forum where the girl joined, said she was morbidly obese and all kinds of other things. She was going to start WW and try to lose weight. She got everyone on her side, sympathy, people cared about her well being. Then she started being cruel.
                      Posting things like well today I failed at my diet. I stopped at McDonald's and had 3 big macs, 2 large fries, a large choc shake, had them all super sized, then washed it all down with a diet coke so at least I sorta stuck to my diet.
                      People kept encouraging her and then she hit them after weeks of people people really wanting to help her out.
                      She called them all fat, lazy, out of control idiots who just need to put down the donuts and get off their fat lazy asses.
                      It was quite sad to see that these people had been duped so horribly.

                      I had hope that Mobee wasn't one of them. I still kind of hope she wasn't duping this great community, but I still have that sunken gut feeling this board of great people was duped.
                      This last message when compared to all the others, is just too "happy ending" and of course, no news on her surgery or her docs reaction to her letter and the fact that she broke her mothers confidence by telling that story about a family friend after swearing not to say anything.

                      Sad, pathetic, untrustworthy, are just a few of the kinder words I would use to describe how I feel about this.
                      36 year old single mom of teens ages 14 & 15.
                      Anterior/posterior spinal fusion on February 9th & 16th 2006 with Dr. Anthony Moreno who now has his own practice.
                      Fused from T-3 to S-1 (sacrum)
                      Curve pre-op = 70 degrees
                      Curve post op = 20 degrees
                      No pain anymore!!
                      Google is your friend

                      I am not a doctor and will never give medical advice. I will support and answer questions from personal experience only.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I think you are right on the money Katblack. I got wierd vibes from the very beginning, that is why I chose never to respond. But when the post about breaking the promise she made to her mother appeared...well, it was just over the top for me. Listen, I don't come here to judge anyone, and this is a great place to get things off your chest. But, in Mobees' case it was obvious she needed much more help than any of us could possibly provide, (if in fact it was all true).

                        And Mobee, I hope you take this in the right way. This site is to help one another with scoliosis issues, and I think everyone here would be happy to do so. But, if you really do have all the issues you say you do, please seek help, and do it quickly. A forum was in no way intended to be a subtitute for psychological treatment.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Calling Dr. Phil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            So I know people can be cruel, but the "troll" stories you're all telling... that makes me sick that someone could be that way. Regardless of whether Mobee is a troll or not... I'm thoroughly disgusted. If Mobee is a troll... what I kept saying still holds true: "See a therapist." If someone can be sick enough to pretend to have endured such terrible things, they need serious mental help. Unfortunately, I think I have to agree with this new idea of Mobee because although I am a very compassionate person, I was feeling sort of cold toward this person and their dramatic rants. That's pretty rare for me and probably means something. I feel differently toward this faceless person than I do all the rest of you, who I already feel close to

                            Either way... get some help Mobee. And if you are a troll, I have some choice words for you running through my head.
                            Jen
                            24/NY
                            Harrington rod placement & fusions
                            11/2/94
                            60T, 35L

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              While I agree that we should all be able to lean on each other and let out the frustration out on this site, I look more to this site as a means for encouragement in this fight. I feel down quite a bit, but I intend to keep fighting and not let this wacky disease and all of the craziness that comes with it define who I am or how I am going to feel about my life, or how I will live my life. Most of us have been dealing with this since childhood. One of the best things that this disease has done for me is give me a really strong character. I look at other people around me and I feel good about what I have become on the inside from this disease. So for anyone to post that they are going to kill themselves because they have a hump on the outside doesn't warrant a response in my opinion. And worse, to refer to yourself as a monster or grotesque, etc. when you have a minor curve makes those of us with larger curves and scars on top of that feel pretty mad at the reference!

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