Tell them or not?

[salome]

Hi! I wear a Boston Brace for kifosis (which is like scoliosis.) I've only told one of my friends who is the best and doesn't go to my school so she wouldn't tell anyone anyway. I want to tell my other friends but I don't know if I can trust them. Even though the friend I told doesn't treat me differently I can't say the same for others. One of my other best friends is definetly untrustworthy but we did have awesome sleepovers. Another I think I can trust but she might let it slip to her twin who would spread it throughout the entire school. Still...I miss having sleepovers and I have to keep saying no when my friends invite me over. I'm starting to worry they think I don't want to hang out with them anymore. What's your advice? Tell them or not?

Thanks for the advice!

-Salome

[D-angel]

Hey,I'm sorry to her that you're feeling this way.
Well telling them is up to you. Do you prefer not telling them and being miserable , or telling them, deal with the ridicules (which won't be as bad as you may think, i went through it.) and the possibility of every one knowing, and enjoy your life like you did before . So telling them is up to you, they're your friends and you know what they're capable of. If you do decide to tell them be prepared to tell them why your wearing it.

[Snoopy]

When my daughter starting wearing a brace for her Kyphosis and Scoliosis, she felt the same way. I talked to the parents of her best friend and then they left it up to my daughter to tell their daughter. I think you should tell your friends, at your own pace. If you keep turning down their invitations, they might start feeling like you are mad at them for something. I think I would have a sleepover at your house, and just invite your closest friends and tell them. You will probably feel more comfortable in your own house. You might also find that if someone at school finds out about your brace and says something about it, your friends will jump in and help you out.

Good luck.

Mary Lou

[Cloudy]

True Friends

Hey
What I did was tell my closest friends, this is also a way to see if they are your real friends.
And to the people I did not tell the word either got out, or the asked me what was that 'thing' sticking out of my back and I told them the truth. (Most kids don't even know what scoliosis is even after the screaning)
I had no one make fun of me at all; okey mabey one kid
Now the whole school knows but none of them really cares because i'm the same i was before, except I wear a brace.
I think is okey to tell the truth and dont say 'Ohh its my umm bullet proof vest' cause they'll think your part of a mafia of something.
(I dont think thats what u want)
Best wishes,
Veronika

[lindsay]

i never had a real brace b/c my curve jumped too quickly to brace it, we went straight to surgery. but anyways i had a 'brace' like thing, it was like a big ace bandage that wrapped around me. so it was very thin. i could still wear little tees and not see it. it was to keep the pain down. but anyways i didnt tell anyone. only my 4 really good friends knew about my going to have surgery. then a few more ppl found out and it was a little hard b/c other people have no idea what we are going through. the pain and the constant wondering if the brace is showing. they will just brush it off, or make a joke about it, not knowing what a really big deal it is to us. still some of my not so close friends dont know that i've had the surgery. i dont want ppl to feel sorry for me. its just not something that everyone needs to know. but my close friends have been very supportive and i couldnt get through it without them. my best friends molly and hannah are the best! i couldnt swim on my nieghborhood team this summer but i still went to the last meet and all the parents were all over me with questions and that got old really quick, but its b/c they care and that made me feel pretty good.

so tell who you think will be supportive of you!! and your not alone, we all go through this

[MATJESNIC]

I think if you make wearing a brace seem like a big secret, it actually makes things worse. My daughter is 12 and she tells the whole world she has scoliosis and that she wears a brace. She hasn't had anything negative come out of telling people. She loves sleepovers and she wears her brace to all of them.
Since she dances with her Spinecor brace, her friends can see the white bodysuit stick out of her dance leotard. She also can't wear dance tights because they don't fit over her brace. So she is excused from having to wear tights. It would be too hard to keep all of that secret. Plus, she likes that other kids ask her how her spine is. It shows her that they care.
Nicole also checks her friends backs all the time to see how their spines look. I think she enjoys being the "expert."
Attitude is everything. It's not what happens to you in life, it is how you choose to deal with it that matters. Be proud of who you are, with and without your brace.

Take care,

Melissa

[marmyte]

i didn't tell my friends when i had a brace and i've always regretted it. i really needed their support when i was younger and because i didn't give them the chance to help me, i missed out. i always wonder if they would've reacted well or made fun of me and i think i should've been bolder. maybe it shows that deep down i didn't trust my friends and i needed better ones! you need someone to talk to but you have to take your time with telling them. good luck.

[MATJESNIC]

Appt. in Montreal

Hi Everyone,

We just got back from Montreal. They took an in-brace x-ray and measured her rotation and everything stayed the same in 2 months. There has been no growth (although we think she grew a half of an inch. They want to see us back in Dec. They said that Nicole is wearing the brace correctly and there are no changes.

We think the next appt. will tell a lot. According to Dr. Coillard, the riskiest time is the year before the first period. We are so glad to have that behind us. If Nicole is done most of her growth and her brace continues to hold her curves, we will be home free. She is almost 5'5" and nobody in my family or my husband's is taller than that. We hope she follows that pattern. Also because of her double curve, she is probably already an inch or two taller than that.

We made a dvd of Nicole doing her tap and ballet in her brace. We gave it to the Doctors to use at their conferences. They were very appreciative. Nicole also had a chance to see other kids wearing the spinecor.

She also loved hearing all of the children talking in French. She also got a kick out of watching cartoons in French.

Anyway,

Thank you for all who expressed in interest in our appt. Hope I didn't bore you with too many details!!!

Melissa

[Cheyenne]

Hi Salome,
I had a brace for a little under 2 yrs. but it was a milwaukee brace which has a neck ring. That made it a little harder to hide the fact that I was wearing a brace even with the collar on my uniform school shirt. I tried to keep it quiet and not tell many people. But they saw the neck ring and asked, so I told them about it. At least in my case, no one was rude about it, they were just curious. Once they knew they simply went on their way and probably forgot about it for the most part. So, it's your choice whether to tell people or not, but they may be more understanding then you think.

[xolibbyox]

i would tell!!!

i told a bunch of people and then some people asked me. i wish i could even tell more people because a few people look at me really weird everytime i walk by them in the hallway at school. nobody didn't like me anymore after i told them. some people have even tried my brace on. having a brace is a big thing in someones life and i wouldn't keep it a secret it i were you!

[Virginia]

tell or not

My daughter does not keep it a secret. She couldn't anyway because it can be seen through her clothes sometimes and if someone hugs her they can feel it. Folks seem to accept it just as they do eyeglasses.
She's been to camp where she took it off to shower and had a helper restrap it for her--it is not a big deal at all.
People are sometimes shy about asking so it actually makes them more comfortable and helps them to be more understanding because she is not secretive about it.

[xxnatalie]

The best advice I could give you would be to do whatever you feel most comfortable doing. When I was 5, I had to wear my brace 23 hours a day. My classmates did know (I couldn't really hide it), but they didn't treat me any differently. I think it was because we were so young, and my 5 and 6 year old friends didn't really understand what wearing a brace means.
12 years later, I'm 17, and I *do* keep it a secret. I no longer have to wear a brace at all, so it's much easier to hide. The only thing I worry about is the fact that I have more of an indentation on one side than I do on the other, and can get self concious about it. Sometimes I'm able to hide it, but other times it's impossible. I try not to let myself worry too much. A few of my friends I've known since we were 5, and even though they did know that I had to wear a brace, I don't talk about it with them. And all of my new friends have no idea. I wouldn't recommend keeping it a secret, because it can be hard, but if you really don't feel comfortable yet, then don't force yourself.

[omg__itslaura]

Hey

I would definitely not use it as an icebreaker. However, sometimes it just got irritating at sleepovers having to wear my bra, a tee shirt, my brace, and a sweatshirt over it. So I just took the sweatshirt off. When people asked what it was, I either told them or let my BFF handle it. DEFINITELY TELL YOUR GOOD FRIENDS! I've even told some of my guy friends. Lately, my attitude has been, "Who cares? If they make a comment, I've got more people on my side."

Hope this helps. Feel free to private message me anyone!

[Divagirl13]

yeah well i think you should tell at least your closest friends, they should be understanding, I only got one mean comment but it was from someone who hates me, so i don't really count that. anyways, if you tell people, and anyone has a problem w/it, just tell them they can talk to everyone here, because we're here to support u, and there are a lot of people here on ur side.