Angry teenager, 5 days post op

[trav86]

My son had his fusion with Dr. Vitale last Wednesday, 6/30. He came through the surgery well, his thoracic curve was reduced from 58 to about 12 (we don't have a definite number yet). Although I was pretty well aware of how difficult and painful the recovery process would be, my son had no clue and wasn't interested in educating himself. I didn't press it, though now I think maybe I should have.

Under the best circumstances, his first response is usually to say that whatever it is is my fault and to call me an idiot. Multiply that by a hundred and you might have an idea of what it's like to be tending to him post op. We came home from the hospital yesterday. He screams at me and orders me around; he makes very little effort to do things for himself. I need to help him stand up and sit down in the exact right way. I have to bring his meds immediately with the drink he wants RIGHT NOW.

I understand that he's in pain and I want to help him get better, but I don't think I'm doing either one of us any favors by jumping whenever he says jump. He's usually nicer around my husband, but I'm the one who's home with him most of the day.

Thoughts? Advice? Sympathy? I'll take anything.

[JenniferG]

You have my sympathy and understanding. Part of it is his being a teenager. Not all teens are like this, but I had a daughter who changed from being mild-mannered and co-operative to a fiend, in her early teens. Thankfully, we only had to "manage" it for a couple of years and the devil left her.

The other part is his helplessness, his pain and his loss of control.

But I agree, jumping when he says jump is setting yourself up for a fall. Clearly, he can be nicer, as he is to your husband. Perhaps because he knows your husband would not tolerate it?

I'd be telling him that as much as you are willing to help him in any way and you understand he is in pain, you are NOT his slave nor his pounding-board. Nor are you to blame for his scoliosis - but you're doing everything you can to help him. Respond only when he uses his manners. This time is hard, but it's hard for you both and as much as some anger is understandable, rudeness and bullying should never be tolerated. If he gets away with it, he might continue this long after his recovery...and into his future relationships.
Because it's working for him.

Good luck!

[twinsmom]

Thoughts

I have been there with my twins. Both had both surgeries the same day and then with one twin who ran into problems.
Your son is in horrible pain. I would call the physcian and see what they would reccomend. He may be having breakthrough pain that is worsening in an already mouthy teen. My girls have the same problem!
Distraction works. Foot massages! Boys who have had this surgery loved it and one was in severe pain.
Music not the loud kind. At least try it. Read out loud to him. Try it and see what happens. Painting - anything to get his mind off the back
Good Luck!!!! It does get better! - though the mouthiness is harder to get rid of! Mary

[trav86]

Thanks so much for the advice. His behavior has improved slightly--maybe he's feeling better. (He doesn't share much.) I did a little foot massaging which seemed to cheer him up--great idea!

[scoliboymom]

It will get better. And he does it to you because he knows you can tolerate it and still love him for it. I think its like a release of anger/pain whatever. At any rate just know you aren't alone. My son (three years ago) was similar and he was well educated on what the pain would be like after. I couldn't do the most basic things right, like I totally got it wrong on how to sponge down his face. He was always so angry at me but it didnt last long. Shortly after coming home it improved vastly. Also maybe something to do with the pain meds.

Ramona

[Fingers Crossed]

first few days are rough!

Hello:

My daughter also just had fusion surgery (two weeks ago). We had a very rough day at four days post-op and I just wanted to chime in to say hang in there, it will get better. This is a lot for kids to handle, but, luckily, they do heal fast. I am continually amazed at how well Jenna is doing, better every day. We even packed up some pillows and went to a movie yesterday!

[trav86]

A movie! Good for you. I can't wait. Spencer's mood is improving a bit every day, so suicide (mine) is off the table. He's stopped asking me to help him up and down; he's more steady on his feet. We're down to twice a day with the methadone, still taking oxycodone and advil every four hours. I'm encouraging him to go out for a short walk, even though it was 103 in NYC today!

[trav86]

Glad to report Spencer is doing significantly better. He and his dad just walked over to the movie theater to buy tickets for Despicable Me (don't know why a 15 year-old is so bent on seeing this flick, but he is). One of the many things I love about NYC is that everyone walks everywhere.

We went for our first post op visit yesterday with Dr. Vitale's PA, who changed his bandages and said the wound was a little oozy, which might mean an infection. We have to come back on Tuesday for a recheck. I'm trying not to worry.

Thanks to you all for your encouragement and support.

[Fingers Crossed]

I love that your son chose a movie for his "first" big outing, too! Jenna has gotten out a couple times in the last couple of days, to hang out with friends for just a couple hours each time. I personally LOVE to be at home with a book and am trying to relate to just how much this social isolation is a problem while these teenagers recover. Jenna was using Skype with friends a lot when she was first home, and that was great, too.

So sorry to hear about the infection concern. I am a little surprised that more people don't have "oozy" incisions, when you think about how long that incision is and how during recovery they are almost constantly on it, in bed, leaning against a chair, etc. I hope this turns out to be nothing.

[justcallmemum]

It will pass

Hang in there,
I had my surgery as a teen and the drs told my mum working on your spine its very common to have a very angry teen when waking up for a few weeks.
That didnt happen to me however I just had another operation on my spine (11yrs later) and YES i snap. I struggle to controll it when I'm in agony....its unimaginably painful. I knew what to expect going into it a 2nd time but its like having a baby...you forget..... I woke up and thought "Oh no what have I done!".