Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

My daughter is schedled for surgery on July,6

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • My daughter is schedled for surgery on July,6

    My husband is against it because he doesn't want her to have medal in her back. He wants to wait. I feel now is the time. I don't know what he wants to wait for. she's a 46 now. 6 months ago she was 41. she will only have to have the top part done. She'll be 12 in a couple of weeks and I really don't think she will grow anymore. She's already 5'4. She wants it done because she is thin and the hump sticks out really bad. Just wondering what everyones thought on this is. He has me so stress out that I'm making myself sick thinking I'm doing the wrong thing. Thanks for any help or advice.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Jazzy'smom View Post
    My husband is against it because he doesn't want her to have medal in her back. He wants to wait. I feel now is the time. I don't know what he wants to wait for. she's a 46 now. 6 months ago she was 41. she will only have to have the top part done. She'll be 12 in a couple of weeks and I really don't think she will grow anymore. She's already 5'4. She wants it done because she is thin and the hump sticks out really bad. Just wondering what everyones thought on this is. He has me so stress out that I'm making myself sick thinking I'm doing the wrong thing. Thanks for any help or advice.
    Hi...

    First, I moved your thread from the kids forum to the parents forum.

    Having to make the decision for your child to undergo such a huge surgery is horrible, so I can understand your husband's reluctance. Has your husband been to the appointments? And, has the surgeon gone over the pros and cons of having the surgery now? Also, have you gotten a second opinion? Has progression been documented?

    Even if she doesn't have surgery right now, I think there's a significant chance that your daughter will eventually have to have the surgery. The pros for having the surgery sooner rather than later include:
    • The younger the patient, the easier the surgery.
    • If your daughter has a compensatory lumbar curve, she can avoid having a long fusion if the fusion is done now.
    • Correction of the curve is usually better.


    On the other hand, there's no guarantee that your daughter will ever have to have surgery. It's likely that she will, but it's not 100%.

    I would really encourage you to get a second opinion if you haven't already done that. You need to make certain that the curve measurement is correct. You should also get some patient references from your surgeon's office, and contact those people. They will be able to tell you what the experience will be like. Also, if you haven't posted the surgeon's name here, or done a search here on the surgeon's name, you may want to do so. If your daughter is going to have the surgery, be sure you've selected the best surgeon.

    Regards,
    Linda
    Never argue with an idiot. They always drag you down to their level, and then they beat you with experience. --Twain
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Surgery 2/10/93 A/P fusion T4-L3
    Surgery 1/20/11 A/P fusion L2-sacrum w/pelvic fixation

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi. I'm sorry about your daughter.

      Once again, I am at a loss as to how to respond to posts about husbands who are not surgeons even weighing in with an opinion on surgery. I don't get that.

      My husband attended the appointments with my daughter and was free to ask questions. I don't believe he would have formed an opinion on his own if he hadn't attended those appointments. And if he did I would of course COMPLETELY ignore it as he is not an orthopedic surgeon. My obligation at that point is ENTIRELY to my kid.

      It is reasonable for your husband to suggest getting more than one opinion. That said, I think the next and the next opinions will agree with the first.

      But once you have two or three surgeons saying one thing then I assume your husband will come on board.

      Good luck. It is enough to deal with having a kid facing surgery without having to deal with lay opinions even from the other parent. I never would put up with that and never have had to do so.
      Sharon, mother of identical twin girls with scoliosis

      No island of sanity.

      Question: What do you call alternative medicine that works?
      Answer: Medicine


      "We are all African."

      Comment


      • #4
        DOH! I posted before I saw Linda's post. I completely agree with what she wrote.
        Sharon, mother of identical twin girls with scoliosis

        No island of sanity.

        Question: What do you call alternative medicine that works?
        Answer: Medicine


        "We are all African."

        Comment


        • #5
          Thank you so much for your advice. My dd pediatrican told me she had scoliosis last September. She acted like it was no big deal so not knowing anything about it I just let it go. I took her to my chiro. and she couldn't believe they didn't send her for x-rays. so she send her to get them. After that I lost my job and my health insurance so we put everything on hold. I finally got insurance for her but I have to get a referral for everything. I changed her Doctor and her new Dr said she should be checked by a specialist. He had new Xrays done and now the top curve is 46 bottom curve 23. I told my husband everything that was happening he never offered to go with for app. I just feel now would be a good time since she's out of school for the summer and I'm laid off so I'll have plenty of time to take care of her. She has mild pain in her back and goes to the chiro once a month to get ajusted. If she didn't want the surgery I wouldn't make her get it. The Dr explained all the steps that she will go through and she knows it's not going to be easy. We have an app. on Friday and my husband said he's coming to that one. He doesn't see what the big rush is to get the surgery but Jazzy and I have been dealing with this for 9 months. I'm always on the computer trying to learn all I can. I'm very thankful for this message board. I asked my husband to read some of the stories but he won't. Sorry this is so long I just don't want to made a bad decision.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Jazzy'smom View Post
            I asked my husband to read some of the stories but he won't. Sorry this is so long I just don't want to made a bad decision.
            First, in re making a bad decision, once you get a few opinions on the need for surgery, the ball is no longer in your court. The bad decision at that point would be to NOT get the surgery, yes?

            Second, in re your husband being against surgery because he doesn't want metal in your daughter's back, that is clearly an irrational reason to avoid surgery. What he is trying to tell you is he is scared.

            I was talking with my husband about this thread and asked him what he thought. He told me he was very scared for our daughter which he hid from me. I was less scared because I saw the no-choice aspect and had confidence in the surgeon and I thought he was feeling the same. But even though he felt that way, he did not tell me. And because he was at the appointments, he certainly wasn't going to form an opinion about not getting surgery. Or if he did he knew it wouldn't go over with me because I understood the issues.

            Your husband either understands the issues or he doesn't. I think once he understands he will be on board and rational.
            Sharon, mother of identical twin girls with scoliosis

            No island of sanity.

            Question: What do you call alternative medicine that works?
            Answer: Medicine


            "We are all African."

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi,

              I'm also sorry to hear about your daughter. I understand this is a very difficult decision and I went through the same emotions as you did. I put a pros vs. cons list together for myself which helped me to put it all in perspective. You may want to do the same for your husband and elaborate on every point.

              As far as the pros, I had all the reasons you've already mentioned plus, my daughter was experiencing pain frequently and already had some limitations to her activities. Her curves were greater than your daughter's at the time of surgery and I felt we had few options at that point. Lack of responsibilities, easier recuperation, less physiological damage to the spinal column (arthritis, degenerative changes, disc problems) and good insurance were other valid reasons for surgery sooner rather than later.

              For the cons, probably the strongest argument I had to postpone surgery was advancing technology. I spoke to several surgeons about this, they said there was nothing in the pipeline for the near future. Fusionless surgery is in the early stages of research and development but could be years away from being a viable option.

              My daughter was 15 when she had surgery. One thing I would consider for your daughter is her age. If she hasn't started her periods, she could still have some growth left. As a general rule, most girls will continue to grow about 1.5 years after they start their periods. My daughter's scoliosis increased significantly during that time.
              I think what you need to ask the surgeon is:
              What are the chances her scoliosis will increase given her current age?
              How will it affect the surgery if it does, is there a chance they would have to fuse into the lumbar area?
              What would happen if you fused now and your daughter were to grow another inch or two?
              Fusion into the lumbar area is a whole different ballgame, it will significantly impact her flexibility and change the body dynamics forever. My daughter had a primary lumbar curve so we had no choice but this is definitely very important to find out since your daughter has a compensatory curve already.

              Definitely get more opinions. We went to 4 surgeons before choosing one for our daughter. I presented the same list of questions for every doctor and had them go through and answer all of them. You may not need this many opinions and the first doctor may be the right one but you will know what the consensus of opinion is at least.

              Take care~

              Comment


              • #8
                Thanks for all the replys. You brought up some great questions. I will be sure to ask the Dr when we see him again. I know my husband is scared but so am I. I've also done a lot of research and I'd rather she has it done now instead of waiting. Right now she only has to have the top part done. I'm afraid if we wait she'll need the whole back done. As for her period she got that a month before she turned 10. she'll be 12 in a couple of weeks. The Dr did ask that. I called my sister who is a nurse and asked her if she's heard of the Dr we're going to and she said my dd is in good hands. She work at the hospital he worked at and took care of a lot of his patience's. She agreed with everyone esle about a second opinon. She's mad that I never told her about the scoliosis. Sorry but she feel the Dr is always right and I don't believe in getting cut unless theirs no other choice. Thanks again I appreciate everyone taking the time to answer my post.

                Comment


                • #9
                  no one ever wants to hear the news that your child needs surgery. I'm sorry that is a possibility for your daughter.
                  I ditto previous posts. My husband, too, didn't understand the need for surgery and it was because he was scared that my son would have to go through all that spinal fusion involves.
                  If you haven't gotten a 2nd or 3rd opinion, please do. As Pooka said the ball would no longer be in your court and it will save you what ifs down the road.

                  Comment

                  Working...
                  X