One month...

[mmw]

I am so nervous for my appointment this week....I wont be seeing Shelokov...but i'll be seeing Eric...and I am dreading the 5 hour drive (we couldn't afford the plane ticket).

I have had all these questions pop into my head but well it's when I am groggy and in bed and cannot get up....I feel like I should be asking important things...so I am here to see what things you asked at this point...or what things you were able to do at this point.

Right now with the small setbacks I have been having...i had been sleeping nonstop for three days...my days and nights have been flipped...and well I am literally losing it. I feel that I will have to go onto medication to fight depression, and wondered if anyone else dealt with this post op as well. It's hard to be so isolated, and the fact I am flipped...means I miss out on my family because i am awake and they are sleeping and vice versa. So I miss out on my kiddos (who are 2 and 4) and that is just killing me...and when I am awake I hear stories about them from my MIL and it kills my heart. I do get some time with them here and there...but its so little.

I will find out how tall I am on thursday (no i haven't measured myself) i just want to see the xrays of my beautiful new spine...hear how tall I am now and have the shock of it all and excitement in one day. I'm a nerd.

I've noticed I am down 7lbs even though I am eating...at least 3 meals seeing I sleep so much...and on my 'good' days when I am awake more than 8 hours I am eating 5 small meals...I am drinking over 32oz of water a day...and I don't know what is going on...I am drinking boost, but it seems inevitable that I will lose weight, is that right??

I am so full of questions, but I honestly cannot remember them.
I cannot believe it has been an entire month already, I just cannot believe I really even did this and I am just so overwhelmed with my emotions. This board has been such a great help the last 3 weeks, I don't know what I would have done without it.

[Susie*Bee]

Thanks for the update!

Dear mmw-- First of all, congrats on being 1 month post-op! That is the hardest part of the recovery, and you have gotten through it ok, even though you've had some challenges. So, "Good job!"!!!

I imagine you will need to plan in several stops during that 5 hour drive. Is it 5 hours each way-- or round-trip? If it's one way, that's definitely too long for sitting still in one position without breaks. Plus take lots of pillows along! I had to travel a little over 2 hours (one way) for my check-ups, and that seemed long enough to me! (And we stopped about half-way there for a snack and a stretch...)

That will be exciting for you to see how tall you are now-- and that cool, new, straighter look to your spine on those x-rays! You will be impressed/awed by the look of the hardware too... It will give you more of a feeling for why it takes awhile to recover. But it does get better!

Sorry your days and nights are mixed up. Hopefully your doctor will have some advice on that. I hate to think of you missing out on your kiddies-- those are such cute ages and I know you love them so. Maybe you can look at it like your body may not be able to deal with them non-stop, so it just lets you get little snatches of time with them. It will get better. And again, hopefully your doctor can help you with a plan...

As far as the weight thing goes, I have read (in books and on the forum) that most people have a weight loss with the surgery, so you are in the vast majority. I myself gained weight, and not many do that. From all I've read, it will taper off and come back on-- you just need to give yourself time, and keep eating what you think you need to be eating. Plenty of healthy food!

Maybe you could put a little tablet by your bed and at least jot down a word or two when those questions pop into your mind. Some of your questions will probably include what restrictions you are still under (my guess is a lot), when you can return to certain activities (especially in light of your young children and the fact that you are married-- and maybe it would be good to be specific about these), eventual plan for weaning off medicine... at that point in time I was told no BLTs (bending, lifting --more than about 5 lbs., or twisting. I was told not to do any housecleaning, etc. Put it off as long as you can! heh heh! I'm still not supposed to bend (except slightly, from the hip) or twist. Because of the twisting restriction, I've been told I shouldn't vacuum-- and my physical therapist thought I shouldn't even mop. Some of this depends on the length of your fusion, and mine is long.

Let us know how your appointment goes. I know this is an exciting event for you-- but also an anxious one! --Susie

[JoAnn5]

Dear mmw.... i feel for you really because i remember those dark days of recovery when i struggled with depression too. It is a not uncommon thing. You need to discuss it with your doctor. There's no need for you to suffer thru that as well as recovery. Your weight loss is natural too, as Susie said. I think it's because your body is working so hard to recouperate from the surgery and to fuse the new bone area. Your sleep patterns will soon even out. In the morning, try getting up and dressing and staying up all day if you can.... even if you do nod off in your chair. Then try going to bed at the same time each night. Soon you will be over the worst part. It's amazing how much more cheerful you feel when you move around and 'socialize' with other people.

My thoughts are with you, dear.
JoAnn

[Singer]

mmw,

It became a standing joke in my house that for the first few months after surgery, whenever my husband poked his head in to see how I was doing (he works at home), I was on yet another crying jag. The surgery, the meds, and the pain and limitations all wreak havoc on your emotions. It will pass!

[csc]

It will get better!!

MMW,
Things will get better by small steps. I'm almost five months and I'm almost back to normal. I was very depressed during this long process. That's normal.
Lexapro has helped.
At the very beginning, after I got home from the hospital, I always made it a priority to get up and dressed everyday. I found that trying to keep to a normal routine really helped. I napped constantly those first two months. It's what your body needs.
If you can do some small household chore, that helps return normalcy. I was doing laundry at two weeks with my grabber. It took longer, but my husband was grateful!
Never watched so much t.v. in my life!! But I was choosy about what I watched. It had to be upbeat. After two weeks I was actually able to concentrate enough to read. You'll feel better too once you get off the heavy duty medications. Use a handheld mirror and take a peek at that nice straight back!
I'm sorry you feel about missing out on time with your little ones, but this will pass and you'll be the strong, healthy mom they need!

[JamieR]

Everyone is right, it is hard now but it will get better. I have a 4 year old and it was hard on me not spending very much time with her. I always felt bad because she would try to sit with me and everyone had to tell her to stay off of me so she wouldn't hurt me. Even though she is only 4, she did such a good job at trying to understand I was hurting and she did not get upset with me. I still can't pick her up but things are back to normal for the most part. I remember thinking around the three week period, what on earth did I do this to myself for? I was in so much pain I thought it would never get better but it did, and now I am off of all pain meds! Good luck with your recovery and your children will be a good motivation for you.

[JoAnn5]

Like csc said, I'd never watched so much TV in my life either...lol.. My 22 yr old son was home with me during the day, as he works nights. We would watch a LOT of the Discovery Health Channel.... in fact, a while after things settled back down, he said that he'd seen so many babies being born that he knew all there was to know about "birthin' babies"....lol

Don't expect to be able to follow a plot for a few weeks... or be able to endure a stressful movie... those just destroyed me! I loved watching something quick and light... like Funniest Home Videos, etc. It helped with the depression too!

(((hugs))) to u... wish i could help you....
JoAnn

[mmw]

Thank you for your kindest of words, and encouragement.

Jamie, when I read what you said at 3 weeks that stopped me cold, because just two nights prior I found myself saying those EXACT words to myself. Thank you ALL.


NOW HELP! What can I do for itching...it's not at the incision it's at my waist line and I am LOSING IT! I don't know what to use, and it's making me nuts and keeping me awake, like I need any help in that department. I have used an anti itch cream but it is NOT Helping, and my skin burns if I itch it, which makes for a worse situation. So what can I use that will soothe it?

[skoshi314]

mmw,
Are you taking Neurontin, aka Gabapentin? It's for nerve pain/sensations and it sounds like that could be the problem? You might check with your doc about that. The only other things I could think of are aloe vera gel/cream or possible taking Benadryl. That could also be helpful with the sleep.

Good luck, sweetie. I'm sending soothing thoughts your way!

[vndy]

Eucerin makes an anti itch spray that I loved for my itchy back after surgery. It's great because you can do it yourself, and you don't irritate it more by touching it. here's a link. http://www.medshopexpress.com/012987.html