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i'm now 3 wks postop; all of the pain i had preop is gone; i can stand up straight which i hadn't been able to do for a very long time; my postop xrays show me straight as an arrow; Dr Lenke was pleased and said it was a very good sign that all my preop symptoms were immediately gone
i promised a detailed account of my hospital stay and that i just haven't been able to do because i don't know how to do it in a way that will be helpful to anyone not yet on "the other side."
when i was a medical student, a wise old mentor told me something to this effect: "Don't forget your role as a doctor is not just as a doctor. You are also The Witness. Everyone's illness is individual, intensely personal and a major drama in their lives that you travel along with them."
In very broad terms, i was in the hospital for 8 days after which i went directly home. I had no major complications. I feel very fortunate when i consider that for 8 1/2 hrs my spine (of all the ailing spines in the world) had the undivided attention of one of a very small group of men who could be considered the world's best spine surgeons (Dr Lenke). I was treated at Barnes/Jewish Hospital in St. Louis, one of the finest hospitals in the world. I was treated with the utmost kindness by everyone from Dr Lenke to the little lady who brought my meal trays and had such a sweet smile for me each time. But there is pain involved. Dr Lenke and Kelly had in no way downplayed the difficulty i was to face but pain simply can't be imagined until you are there and i wish i could say i handled it better than i did. The first night there were problems with the PCA pump and i had the longest night of my life; i don't think they ever really caught up completely with the pain. I walked the very next day, forced myself to eat and had a BM and almost made discharge by day 5, but i felt very tense and SO wanted to go home. But on the evening before the planned discharge, i basically took a "mental vacation" or however you want to put it. I think it was due to some combination of severe sleep deprivation, pain never completely relieved and/or possibly a drug reaction. I don't think i ever slept more that 20 minutes continuously the first 4 days. I remember having an internal discussion of what exactly was the difference between a dream and a hallucination because i was clearly having both; I had to be put in restraints to keep me from pulling on my lines. (My wife, my daughter, friends and private nurses i had arranged kept detailed notes as much of this, of course, i have no memory of). I was, at least, they told me, witty at times. One nurse, trying to make conversation asked: "I hear you really like to read. What do you like to read most?" I apparently answered "High end porn." When i was tied down with restraints over my hands almost like gloves and one of the fellows asked "What's going on?" i held my hands up as high as the restraints would allow and said: "It's the Thrilla in Manilla." I regained my senses on the 7th day. I remember waking up feeling, for the first time, that i had had some meaningful rest and that some time had passed. I asked what day it was and realized i had lost 2 days.
So that way MY particular drama. Each of us will have our own and each will be different. The one part that turned out much easier than anticipated was the PT and OT. After having had a very bad first night, the next day a young man named Mark came and said he was going to help me sit up, stand up and hopefully take some steps. After the pain i had already experienced simply laying there, i was very scared and quite skeptical. Any more pain and i feared i would pass out. But i went along, remembering that Kelly had told me that the fastest route to going home was to get moving. With his careful instruction, i was able to do all those things, including walking around the bed without really hardly any additional discomfort. This was a great relief.
I surprised myself also with how emotionally labile i was in the hospital. It would almost or actually bring tears of appreciation to my eyes when trying to thank the many individuals who took part in my care in roles large and small. To be treated with such kindness when feeling so helpless was an unprecedented experience for me. I discovered a deep well of emotion in me that i never knew i had.
those are the main points; i'd be glad to entertain any questions either open or private; as far as the parts that don't show me in a very flattering light, i'm willing to elaborate, if anyone cares, without shame. it is what it is (or was what it was); it's back to trying to focus on the positive, walking as much as possible, getting on with life; Oh, one more thing, after getting home i just watched TV and movies for a week; since then i've been able to read, do the crossword, use my brain, in other words
i promised a detailed account of my hospital stay and that i just haven't been able to do because i don't know how to do it in a way that will be helpful to anyone not yet on "the other side."
when i was a medical student, a wise old mentor told me something to this effect: "Don't forget your role as a doctor is not just as a doctor. You are also The Witness. Everyone's illness is individual, intensely personal and a major drama in their lives that you travel along with them."
In very broad terms, i was in the hospital for 8 days after which i went directly home. I had no major complications. I feel very fortunate when i consider that for 8 1/2 hrs my spine (of all the ailing spines in the world) had the undivided attention of one of a very small group of men who could be considered the world's best spine surgeons (Dr Lenke). I was treated at Barnes/Jewish Hospital in St. Louis, one of the finest hospitals in the world. I was treated with the utmost kindness by everyone from Dr Lenke to the little lady who brought my meal trays and had such a sweet smile for me each time. But there is pain involved. Dr Lenke and Kelly had in no way downplayed the difficulty i was to face but pain simply can't be imagined until you are there and i wish i could say i handled it better than i did. The first night there were problems with the PCA pump and i had the longest night of my life; i don't think they ever really caught up completely with the pain. I walked the very next day, forced myself to eat and had a BM and almost made discharge by day 5, but i felt very tense and SO wanted to go home. But on the evening before the planned discharge, i basically took a "mental vacation" or however you want to put it. I think it was due to some combination of severe sleep deprivation, pain never completely relieved and/or possibly a drug reaction. I don't think i ever slept more that 20 minutes continuously the first 4 days. I remember having an internal discussion of what exactly was the difference between a dream and a hallucination because i was clearly having both; I had to be put in restraints to keep me from pulling on my lines. (My wife, my daughter, friends and private nurses i had arranged kept detailed notes as much of this, of course, i have no memory of). I was, at least, they told me, witty at times. One nurse, trying to make conversation asked: "I hear you really like to read. What do you like to read most?" I apparently answered "High end porn." When i was tied down with restraints over my hands almost like gloves and one of the fellows asked "What's going on?" i held my hands up as high as the restraints would allow and said: "It's the Thrilla in Manilla." I regained my senses on the 7th day. I remember waking up feeling, for the first time, that i had had some meaningful rest and that some time had passed. I asked what day it was and realized i had lost 2 days.
So that way MY particular drama. Each of us will have our own and each will be different. The one part that turned out much easier than anticipated was the PT and OT. After having had a very bad first night, the next day a young man named Mark came and said he was going to help me sit up, stand up and hopefully take some steps. After the pain i had already experienced simply laying there, i was very scared and quite skeptical. Any more pain and i feared i would pass out. But i went along, remembering that Kelly had told me that the fastest route to going home was to get moving. With his careful instruction, i was able to do all those things, including walking around the bed without really hardly any additional discomfort. This was a great relief.
I surprised myself also with how emotionally labile i was in the hospital. It would almost or actually bring tears of appreciation to my eyes when trying to thank the many individuals who took part in my care in roles large and small. To be treated with such kindness when feeling so helpless was an unprecedented experience for me. I discovered a deep well of emotion in me that i never knew i had.
those are the main points; i'd be glad to entertain any questions either open or private; as far as the parts that don't show me in a very flattering light, i'm willing to elaborate, if anyone cares, without shame. it is what it is (or was what it was); it's back to trying to focus on the positive, walking as much as possible, getting on with life; Oh, one more thing, after getting home i just watched TV and movies for a week; since then i've been able to read, do the crossword, use my brain, in other words
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