Hello friends,
It's been quite a while since I last posted. I believe the last thread I started was about (what I thought was) my turnaround day. I was so thrilled but apprehensive so I waited a couple of days before posting the amazing improvement I'd experienced. Unfortunately, it was short lived. A couple of days after my post, I was back to where I had been before: tired, in pain, frustrated, unmotivated and just plain depressed. I didn't have the heart to jump back on here and say 'False alarm!'. Things have slowly improved, but I do mean slowly. I'm asking your forgiveness in advance because I feel a bit of a lengthy post coming on.
At the end of July, the band my older kids are members of went on a weekend retreat for 'team building'. The camp was 45 minutes - an hour from home (depending on who was driving) but I felt I was up to making the drive each day there and back rather than trying to sleep on the cots provided. It was 105 degrees all three days and not much shade in sight. I tried my best to not overdo, but I did anyway. I carried too much, got too hot and didn't get enough rest. I paid for that for at least a week. But because of the dynamics of our family, I didn't have a lot of time to recover. School started shorthly after retreat and we were back to the getting up at 5:30am routine. And because my husband and I are presidents for the band booster organization and we are taking a trip to St.Louis over fall break, I can honestly say that every waking moment is spent working on planning the trip, nagging kids and parents to get their money paid, planning 2 meetings per month, then doing laundry, trying to make some headway on the house which has become worse than I ever imagined I could stand and going to school activities and football games to give you a partial list. On top of everything else, we had to have our cat put to sleep 2 weeks ago. We had him for 13 years, his whole life, and that was devastating. My heart still breaks over it. And now I can't sleep. I sleep for about an hour, wake up, roll around hurting, eventially go back to sleep just to wake up an hour later. Unfortunately, I can't seem to wake up so I can get up and do something productive. I'm not sure if it's the hot flashes every 30 minutes or so or pain or something else waking me up. I've tried Ambien and that didn't make even a little difference. I picked up a prescription for Restoril today so I'm hoping it will help. I'm so tired. And the biggest problem is don't see an end in sight for the obligations my husband and I signed up for. We talked about stepping down from our role in the band boosters, but with the trip so close, that would be very, very detrimental to the entire band. So we can't in good conscience do that. I'm trying to be much more organized with what needs to be done by making lists and putting them in order of what needs to be done first, second and so on. It's a pretty damn long list. Oh, yea, and did I mention that I go back to work next Monday?
I have some concerns over the amount of pain I'm still in. I know this is a MAJOR surgery, and I know we all heal at different rates, but I'm still taking 10mg Oxycontin 1-2 times a day and Oxy IR 5mg 2 times a day. I was also taking Gabapentin occassionally for leg pain but I'm out. My surgeon said today that he felt I should be weaning off of it at this point so he wouldn't represcribe. He suggested talking to the pain mgnt doc I was seeing before surgery. I only take it a couple times a week but for the let pain, it's the only thing that helps. I can feel the screws on both sides of my spine at the top of the fusion prominently and can run my finger down the length of the fusion and feel most of the rest of them. It's pretty creepy. They tend to be really tender to the touch and of course they are right where my bra strap goes across. I have got to find the time to get a new bra! And when I lean back in a chair, that is the first place that touches so I don't lean back a lot.
I'm not able to find the time to walk a whole lot. I can feel the muscles in my legs feeling like they are shortening, I don't know if that's even possible. My stride seems shorter and it is virtually impossible to stand up straight. The small of my back feels like someone needs to push on the rods and bend them in a little bit to get a curve to allow me to stand upright. I guess these are all questions for the doc when I see him in October.
I think in an effort to convince myself that my lifestyle was not going to change post-surgery and to feel normal again I ignored how I felt and moved as fast as I could forward. Big mistake! I'm 15 weeks post op and feel 60 years old and not 45. I think I just needed to sound all this out with people that understand and don't judge based on mistakes. Honestly, I'm struggling right now. I welcome your advice and encourgment.
I think the Restoril is kicking in. I'm beginning to feel a little sleepy. What a welcome feeling! Think I'll take my chances and go to bed. Thank you for indulging my with this loooooooong post and I apologize for any ramblings. That's just how my brain is operating these days. I'm looking forward to anything anyone wants to add!
It's been quite a while since I last posted. I believe the last thread I started was about (what I thought was) my turnaround day. I was so thrilled but apprehensive so I waited a couple of days before posting the amazing improvement I'd experienced. Unfortunately, it was short lived. A couple of days after my post, I was back to where I had been before: tired, in pain, frustrated, unmotivated and just plain depressed. I didn't have the heart to jump back on here and say 'False alarm!'. Things have slowly improved, but I do mean slowly. I'm asking your forgiveness in advance because I feel a bit of a lengthy post coming on.
At the end of July, the band my older kids are members of went on a weekend retreat for 'team building'. The camp was 45 minutes - an hour from home (depending on who was driving) but I felt I was up to making the drive each day there and back rather than trying to sleep on the cots provided. It was 105 degrees all three days and not much shade in sight. I tried my best to not overdo, but I did anyway. I carried too much, got too hot and didn't get enough rest. I paid for that for at least a week. But because of the dynamics of our family, I didn't have a lot of time to recover. School started shorthly after retreat and we were back to the getting up at 5:30am routine. And because my husband and I are presidents for the band booster organization and we are taking a trip to St.Louis over fall break, I can honestly say that every waking moment is spent working on planning the trip, nagging kids and parents to get their money paid, planning 2 meetings per month, then doing laundry, trying to make some headway on the house which has become worse than I ever imagined I could stand and going to school activities and football games to give you a partial list. On top of everything else, we had to have our cat put to sleep 2 weeks ago. We had him for 13 years, his whole life, and that was devastating. My heart still breaks over it. And now I can't sleep. I sleep for about an hour, wake up, roll around hurting, eventially go back to sleep just to wake up an hour later. Unfortunately, I can't seem to wake up so I can get up and do something productive. I'm not sure if it's the hot flashes every 30 minutes or so or pain or something else waking me up. I've tried Ambien and that didn't make even a little difference. I picked up a prescription for Restoril today so I'm hoping it will help. I'm so tired. And the biggest problem is don't see an end in sight for the obligations my husband and I signed up for. We talked about stepping down from our role in the band boosters, but with the trip so close, that would be very, very detrimental to the entire band. So we can't in good conscience do that. I'm trying to be much more organized with what needs to be done by making lists and putting them in order of what needs to be done first, second and so on. It's a pretty damn long list. Oh, yea, and did I mention that I go back to work next Monday?
I have some concerns over the amount of pain I'm still in. I know this is a MAJOR surgery, and I know we all heal at different rates, but I'm still taking 10mg Oxycontin 1-2 times a day and Oxy IR 5mg 2 times a day. I was also taking Gabapentin occassionally for leg pain but I'm out. My surgeon said today that he felt I should be weaning off of it at this point so he wouldn't represcribe. He suggested talking to the pain mgnt doc I was seeing before surgery. I only take it a couple times a week but for the let pain, it's the only thing that helps. I can feel the screws on both sides of my spine at the top of the fusion prominently and can run my finger down the length of the fusion and feel most of the rest of them. It's pretty creepy. They tend to be really tender to the touch and of course they are right where my bra strap goes across. I have got to find the time to get a new bra! And when I lean back in a chair, that is the first place that touches so I don't lean back a lot.
I'm not able to find the time to walk a whole lot. I can feel the muscles in my legs feeling like they are shortening, I don't know if that's even possible. My stride seems shorter and it is virtually impossible to stand up straight. The small of my back feels like someone needs to push on the rods and bend them in a little bit to get a curve to allow me to stand upright. I guess these are all questions for the doc when I see him in October.
I think in an effort to convince myself that my lifestyle was not going to change post-surgery and to feel normal again I ignored how I felt and moved as fast as I could forward. Big mistake! I'm 15 weeks post op and feel 60 years old and not 45. I think I just needed to sound all this out with people that understand and don't judge based on mistakes. Honestly, I'm struggling right now. I welcome your advice and encourgment.
I think the Restoril is kicking in. I'm beginning to feel a little sleepy. What a welcome feeling! Think I'll take my chances and go to bed. Thank you for indulging my with this loooooooong post and I apologize for any ramblings. That's just how my brain is operating these days. I'm looking forward to anything anyone wants to add!
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