What will the kids need?

[suejeryl]

I have decided to have surgery in September 2004 and I'm trying to get the house and the kids ready. My children will be in the 2nd and 4th grades; does someone have a list of things to take care of for the kids beyond pickups from school and transportation to activities? Any info about the emotional/logistical support your young children needed during your surgery and recovery would be appreciated. I do have a very supportive husband to execute the plans, but I do the planning if you know what i mean!

[nora]

Hi Sue,
I don't have a list but I know I'd need to do a lot of cooking and freeze meals. I'd also set up a clear calandar of events after school begins to guide the people helping you transport your kids. Something color coded...or even separate calandars for each child, depending on how busy they are. You'll rest easier if you know they're taken care of. Just a few ideas....Nora

[suejeryl]

Thank you, Nora...those are good ideas...I'll add them to my list!

[Theresa]

Sue,

Try to let them know what you'll look like after surgery. I know my family was not prepared for the way I looked after surgery. It took everyone by surprise and we're not talking about children here. My dad (73), brother (47), daughter (26), and son (18) were thrown for a loop when they first saw me. I was VERY bloated and swollen everywhere. I had two surgeries. The first one took 14 hours. I was also very, very pale. They did have the ventilator out but it is a possibility that you will still have it in when you wake up. I've had surgery before but not this involved. We thought we had it all thought out. Better to prepare them now so they can ask questions. I don't know if everyone had the same experience as us, but I thought I'd let you know about ours. Theresa

[Alison]

This is what comes to mind

:Explaining where Mom will be, what she is having done and why

:Try and minimise dentist appointments in the first couple of weeks etc for your kids as the first couple of weeks home are a bit mad (where you will basically need hubby for lots of things and stuff on top of extra-curricular stuff will be a bit too much

:Keep them fully informed as much as possible when you are in the hospital. Even though they won't be in to see you the first few days, get your husband to take a photo (if you think they can handle it) to reassure them that you are still there and OK and I remember times when my own Mum has been in hospital and not being able to see pictures of her I got very worried about mum and whether she is Ok and had all kinds of wild fantasies about what she looked like

:For the first couple of days that you are in hospital I would suggest looking after by relatives/neighbours. As your husband will be very focused on you.

:As with the colour coded planners also when your hubby is not looking after your kids also making lists for the fridge of whose lunchboxes are whose, what each kid has for lunch, and allergies.

:Explaining what Mom will be like when she (you) comes home. I know when I was that age I would bound up into Mums arms and want a hug and a cuddle when she had been away for awhile. Explaining that they'll have to be gentle with you, but they can still have a hug (ie when you are sitting down)

: Informing your child's teachers that you are going in for surgery. This means that they can keep an eye on the kids, and if they are a bit "off colour" or "upset" from their normal selves the teacher will understand and can give them some support.

: A list of emergency numbers on the fridge for the people who will be helping to look after/transport your child

:That your husband spends a bit of "special time" with the kids each day, even if it is reading a story, eating dinner, a kiss goodnight (i think you get what I mean here)

Alison

[kylie-ann]

Hi all, its Kylie-Ann from Australia and I too am going to have surgery in October this year AND have two small children (4 years adn 2 years old).

Thanks for all the helpful info that you are providing to all mums out there who will be needing surgery. I think it is going to be really difficult to try and explain to my two littlies what to expect and that they cannot come and jump on and give mummy her big morning kisses and hugs - and very hard for me not to receive them!

Thanks for all your advice!

Kylie-Ann

[suejeryl]

thank you for your replies, alison and theresa...i never thought about how i would look after surgery; i don't know if I'LL be able to handle a picture, but it's a good idea! i told my husband last night that i didn't think our kids need to come see me while i'm in the hospital, but that maybe after a couple of days i might be able to talk to them on the phone...

sue

[Alison]

I remember when Mum was in hospital, if she could talk she would always ring us and say "goodnight". I know this might sound weird but taking pictures in the hospitals (nurses are pretty understanding and they had no problem when mum asked to take a photo but ICU might be a bit different- I was in the one down from ICU) is often good for the patient (well I wanted to see what I looked like when I was out to it) and good for explaining to other people at a later date, and for memories sake (no that's not weird). Mum took some pictures when I was asleep in High Dependency and some when I got up for the first time and later on when we were at home, the first picture of the scar (well I couldn't see it and was deadly curious.) Much of the stuff we have pictures of I simply don't remember cause you are pretty drugged up.

QU for Kylie Ann, just curious what part of Australia do you live (I live in Perth, Western Australia)

Alison

[kylie-ann]

Alison

I live in Thirroul NSw (1 hour south of Sydney). I find this website great as I have not been able to get any hlep or answers from Australian sites - have you?

Great to hear from you!

Kylie-Ann

[Alison]

There is not much in terms of Australia sites, I did find this morning a new association called the Scoliosis Association of Australia http://www.scoliosis.org.au it is a new association. But they don't seem to have much info what they do is put people with scoliosis in touch for support. Scoliosis information doesn't seem to be anywhere near as comprehensive in Australia as in America. I remember that my surgeon went every year to America to update his surgerical methods and to learn the newest techniques and information.

id have a look at a couple of other posts you have written. With a lowish fusion, brushing your hair after surgery won't be as difficult as someone with a higher up fusion. You will still feel tender in the muscles after surgery and lifting your hands up might be a bit difficult for a bit (depends from person to person)

:With hugging your children, the idea that immediately comes to mind is that kneeling on your knees instead of the usual squat/lifting them up and hugging them that way at floor level and reminding them gentle hugs.

Alison

[Theresa]

Sue, What part of Dallas do you live? I live in the northeat section of Houston. The Humble area. My younger brother lives in Cedar Hills. Our son went his first semester of college at Texas Weslyn in Fort Worth. He has since transfered to SFA. I think I read on one of your posts your having your surgery at the Baylor hospital in Dallas. My doctor is part of the Baylor group down here. It's great to meet you. Theresa

[suejeryl]

hi, theresa!

i know about where you live; i suppose in the big scheme of things, we're practically neighbors. i live in dallas proper, 12 minutes from downtown and close to southern methodist university. we live only about 15 minutes from the hospital if you don't count trying to find a parking place! it's great to meet you and the others as well...this is a wonderful forum!