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Thread: Please give me some advice!!!!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Sydney - Australia
    Posts
    166

    Please give me some advice!!!!

    Hi everyone,

    Okay - I know this is not a Dear Diary website but for all you parents out there who's child has gone through surgery or other life changing event, how far do you go in "making allowances?" Here's my problem......

    We already have a 2 1/2 year old Male German Sheppard. Very loving guy but he's attached himself to hubbie. He is too big and strong for the girls to walk and hubbie has spoilt the dog to the point where he'll only eat with him (Doug provides a Dinner AND show for the dog each night!!!!!!) My girls have always wanted a lap dog!!!! But no - when we got our dog it had to be something "Macho"! Don't get me wrong - I love German Sheppards and this boy to bits but.... I know where the girls are coming from. Something gentle to sit on your lap and cuddle up to, not something when you try to hug it it's going to knock one of your teeth out in his excitement!!!!

    So.... now the problem..... Elysia had been asking me for a Pomerainian WAAYYY before surgery. I had stood my ground .... no..... No....... NO........ NOOOOOOO!!!! After she woke up from surgery - one of the first things she said was Pomeranian!!! It had all been pre-planned it looks like. Everytime my husband came to see her in hospital she would lie there looking so weak and vunerable and ask - "can I have a pomeranian" - Husband - henceforth known as Idiot - said we'll see!!!! That's it - in our house "we'll see" means yes! This went on everyday. When she came home he promised her when she gets better as we can't look after her and dog. I know why he did all this, his heart was breaking at seeing her sick and he melted.

    But now.... I am furious!!! I don't want another dog - first for the obvious reasons but second - a small little dog and a big very boisterous, playful monster - I don't want a little dog getting injured even if it is in playtime and not intentional. And now he's saying "I don't want another dog - forget it". I am so angry at him because last week he even took her off to the Pet Store to have a look at the little Chihuahua's!!!

    I've just gone into her room and told her enough is enough - we don't want another dog in the home and that's it. I've had to walk out leaving her sobbing in her room and feel like a real - well you know what!!!! I feel so sad and broken hearted that this promise was mad and is now being taken back. She has a whole year ahead of her with none of her weekend sports and afternoon trainging with her friends, no after school rep sport, no horse riding with her best friend and thought what the heck, give her something to spend her time with. (all the dog lovers out there will be rolling their eyes.)

    What is she going to spend her time doing?? All the friends are into the same sports and activities that she could do prior to surgery. I'm very upset at the moment to the point of crying typing this... (feeling sorry for the predicament that I find myself in).

    Any advice?? Other than the obvious of kick husbands %$#$%!

    Thanks
    Del
    Elysia 16 in Feb 2010
    Sydney - Australia
    Feb 2008 Fused T5-L1 and 5 ribs removed.
    Dec 2009 - Crankshafting
    Dec 10 - Revision surgery...3 vertebrae taken down, hooks removed, at T11-L1 - screws inserted, fusion extended down to
    L3 using Pedicle screws, some rib removed to try to derotate. Praying for things to settle.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    53
    Hi Del,

    Aha! I am not the only one who made promises in the hospital, I see. I would have done anything to get my daughter to smile...even a little. I promised her two things. First a Mustang car, which thank goodness she does not remember and two highlights for her hair, which I will follow through with when she can sit that long in the chair at the salon.

    As far as the puppy, I really know what you are going through as my daughter has been playing on my sympathy and pushing for one since we found out she needed the surgery and my husband has been egging her on and taking her to pet stores too.

    It is so hard because you want to give your child everything they want after what they have been through. We all have allergies and I can't imagine my daughter agreeing to take on full responsibility for a puppy's care so I have had some pretty good ammunition in my argument against. (so far...)

    A puppy is a major commitment and it is another "dependent". Why don't you make an agreement to see how you both feel in 3 or 4 months time. Elysia might find another thing she is passionate about or you won't be so weary from taking care of your daughter that getting a puppy might not be as bad as it seems.

    Good Luck,
    Michele
    Samsmom
    Mom to Samantha, Age 17

    64 Degree Thoracic Curve
    42 Degree Lumbar Curve
    Fused T-4 to L-2
    Yale New Haven
    2/5/08

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    minnesota
    Posts
    100
    i know i have no experience, seeing as im well, 14...but i can see both sides of this...and i was wondering if maybe you had some way you could get another small pet for her or let her watch a neighbor's dog? I know it's totally not the same...but really i know i would be and feel the same as she does...but if your TOTALLY not going to get another dog, then you'll just have to tell her that you guys goofed on it, it;s not a good feeling, and it's sad when your told this, but eventually, u get over it..trust me, im the most stubborn kid you could have..and it's really not easy but id suggest exploring options first, and im sorry about all this you've been put through! Hope one part of my rant has a slight value to you Good luck with whatever you choose, Danielle

    ps. gotta add, sorry if this makes NO sense, the two sides are pulling at me tho...cuz i can relaly see as a kid or as the authority how i would feel...wish you well
    Last edited by ElleBelleCurvz; 03-23-2008 at 08:52 PM.
    Danielle
    14 Freshwoman
    December 1st got no head the boston brace
    Pre Brace Curves:18C 25T 30L
    In brace curves: (1/23/08) 16C 20T 22L
    In brace Curves: (5/21/08) 19C 19T 15L
    We're Bringing CURVY BACK

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Ottawa, Canada
    Posts
    370
    Del:

    I understand why you don't want another dog! I think of our dog who has been with us now for 14-1/2 years like another child - maintenance wise I mean.

    You may not like this idea but what about a cat. They are totally independent and really low maintenance and if you get the right one it will love to sit on the girl's laps for a petting and a cuddle (ragdoll cats are especially good for this). Kittens are super fun and playful too. This might be really good for your daughter as she goes through her recovery.

    I wouldn't worry about the dog and the cat living together either - the cat will put the dog in its place if necessary! We have a golden retriever and two cats and they all live peacefully together.

    Just a suggestion.................Ruth
    Ruth, 50 years old (s-shaped 30 degree scoliosis) with degenerative disc disease, married to Mike. Mother to two children - Son 18 and daughter 14. Both have idiopathic scoliosis. Son (T38, L29) has not needed surgery to date. Daughter (March 08 - T62, L63).

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    11

    This May Work

    hi just a thought did your hubby say this dog would actually be a living thing if not why not buy a teddy replica that way your hubby wont have broke any promises and also you have peace of mind knowing you only have the 1 living dog in your house, maybe you could start a collection of stuffed cuddly animals and make it a hobby for your daughter, if this works let me know and i will send you a stuffed furry dog.
    gill
    mum to jodie age 7

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    778
    MEN! Why do they do things like this? Is hubby going to take FULL responsiblity for this new dog? NO. Is your daughter going to take FULL responsiblity for this new dog? NO. We all know that moms are usually the ones who are responsible for all pets in the household. Right?

    My almost 15 y.o. begged and begged for a dog for about 4 years and I finally gave in almost a year ago only after she promised to walk the dog daily, clean the yard, clean up after the dog, dog sat for our neighbor for a few years, and I finally thought she ws mature enough to take responsibiltiy for a dog. Well, let's see...my 16 y.o. cleaned the yard yesterday, I took the dog for a walk this morning, and I cleaned up the mess he made by shredding his blanket.

    A dear friend of mine asked me on Friday if getting Chance was the best thing I did in the past year. When I hesitated, she got the funniest look on her face! Yes, I love MY dog dearly, but like I told my friend, he has really complicated my life.

    So, Del, if YOU are ready to take full responsibility for another dog, then by all means go for it! If not, then make your husband explain to your daughter why she isn't getting a dog. Don't worry about what your daughter will do for the next year. Take this opportunity to involve her in other things.....take a pottery class, take an art class, volunteer at the library or the hospital, or simply just spend more time together as a family playing board games or taking day trips. It will be hard at times when she can't do everything she wants to do, but she will survive.

    Hang in there and don't put all of this on you! Put the blame on your husband where it belongs.

    Mary Lou
    Mom to Jamie age 21-diagnosed at age 12-spinal fusion 12/7/2004-fused from T3-L2; and Tracy age 19, mild Scoliosis-diagnosed at age 18.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Utah
    Posts
    1,010
    Del,

    Don't get the dog. Elysia will find something else to whine about, I mean focus on. Hubby isn't going to change. Big monster dog won't change. More work for you is NOT the point. Get over the guilt. Move on.

    Now, I understand the emotional trauma. Help Elysia find something else she enjoys. I like the idea of dog-sitting. She may find that will be a long term thing, not just during her post-op recovery time. She may also find that isn't what she likes, and moves on to something else. At her age, kids change their mind with the wind - almost before their sentence is finished sometimes. This is something she's using to manipulate you. Don't fall for it. She'll survive without a lap dog, and she'll also survive without doing all the things she's used to, even with her friends. There are MANY things she can do with her friends. Maybe sit down with her (or have her do this in private) and write down all the things she CAN do and the things she WANTS to do that fall within her limitations. Ask family and friends for help with this list. I'll bet you'll be surprised at what shows up on the list.

    Good luck and know you are doing a great job. Remember that (before you kick hubby's you-know-what).
    Carmell
    mom to Kara, idiopathic scoliosis, Blake 19, GERD and Braydon 14, VACTERL, GERD, DGE, VEPTR #137, thoracic insufficiency, rib anomalies, congenital scoliosis, missing coccyx, fatty filum/TC, anal stenosis, horseshoe kidney, dbl ureter in left kidney, ureterocele, kidney reflux, neurogenic bladder, bilateral hip dysplasia, right leg/foot dyplasia, tibial torsion, clubfoot with 8 toes, pes cavus, single umblilical artery, etc. http://carmellb-ivil.tripod.com/myfamily/

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    877
    Del,

    Everyone here has given you great advice. There is no right or wrong answer. You will decide what you want to do eventually. We only had one bichon when we found out Nicole had scoliosis. We got a second one, only 10 lbs and so cute, for Nicole. She named it Roxy. Has it been crazy with two dogs? Yes. But I have no regrets. I am sure you can think of lots of other ways to spoil her. It is your decision. Oh, even though it is Nicole's dog, guess who mostly takes care of her? You guessed it!!! I am going to try to send you a picture of my dogs right now.
    Melissa
    From Bucks County, Pa., USA

    Mom to Matthew,19, Jessica, 17, and Nicole, 14
    Nicole had surgery with Dr. Dormans on 9/12/07 at Children's Hospital of Phila. She is fused T-2 - L-3

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Houston, TX
    Posts
    1,757
    My advice?

    Run away from home. I have an extra bed, and they'll never think to look for you here.
    Fusion is NOT the end of the world.
    AIDS Walk Houston 2008 5K @ 33 days post op!


    41, dx'd JIS & Boston braced @ 10
    Pre-op 53, Post-op < 20
    Fused 2/5/08, T4-L1 ... Darrell S. Hanson, Houston


    VIEW MY X-RAYS
    EMAIL ME

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    ny
    Posts
    1,809
    Pam,

    Is that offer just for Del?

    Or can I take my funny accent over to your house as well????
    mariaf305@yahoo.com
    Mom to David, age 17, braced June 2000 to March 2004
    Vertebral Body Stapling 3/10/04 for 40 degree curve (currently mid 20's)

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/ScoliosisTethering/

    http://pediatricspinefoundation.org/

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    877
    Maria,

    I guess you are talking about your New York accent!! I am very partial to Austrailian and English accents. Nicole and I love them!!!
    Melissa
    From Bucks County, Pa., USA

    Mom to Matthew,19, Jessica, 17, and Nicole, 14
    Nicole had surgery with Dr. Dormans on 9/12/07 at Children's Hospital of Phila. She is fused T-2 - L-3

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    ny
    Posts
    1,809
    Hi Melissa,

    What do you mean?? New Yorkers don't have accents - everyone else does - LOL!!!

    (And, yes, I was joking about my NY accent!)
    mariaf305@yahoo.com
    Mom to David, age 17, braced June 2000 to March 2004
    Vertebral Body Stapling 3/10/04 for 40 degree curve (currently mid 20's)

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/ScoliosisTethering/

    http://pediatricspinefoundation.org/

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Houston, TX
    Posts
    1,757
    Quote Originally Posted by mariaf
    Pam,

    Is that offer just for Del?

    Or can I take my funny accent over to your house as well????
    Just don't bring any animals (German Shepherds OR Pom's), and of course!

    C'mon down to Texas, Sugar.

    I'll help you learn to speak correctly (a.k.a., Tawlk rite) - lmao!
    Fusion is NOT the end of the world.
    AIDS Walk Houston 2008 5K @ 33 days post op!


    41, dx'd JIS & Boston braced @ 10
    Pre-op 53, Post-op < 20
    Fused 2/5/08, T4-L1 ... Darrell S. Hanson, Houston


    VIEW MY X-RAYS
    EMAIL ME

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    ny
    Posts
    1,809
    I don't have any animals - so it would just be me and my accent!
    mariaf305@yahoo.com
    Mom to David, age 17, braced June 2000 to March 2004
    Vertebral Body Stapling 3/10/04 for 40 degree curve (currently mid 20's)

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/ScoliosisTethering/

    http://pediatricspinefoundation.org/

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    877
    Maria,

    You know that I am no stranger to the N.Y. accent because my Parents still have theirs. But I can bet when you go to Shriner's in Phila, lots of people say to you, "Oh, you must be from N.Y." It is one of the strongest accents I have ever heard. Remember the first time I spoke with you on the phone and told you that?!! It is true that people from Phila have their own accents. But I am from the suburbs of Phila and I don't have that accent. I don't say crick, instead of creek, lags, instead of leggs, or my favorite, begel instead of bagel. Just a few examples.
    Melissa
    From Bucks County, Pa., USA

    Mom to Matthew,19, Jessica, 17, and Nicole, 14
    Nicole had surgery with Dr. Dormans on 9/12/07 at Children's Hospital of Phila. She is fused T-2 - L-3

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