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Thread: Tired of being looked at ...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    38

    Angry Tired of being looked at ...

    I work at a fast food restaurant down my street, and I have noticed that the more prominent my curve gets, the more looks I get!

    I feel so self conscious it's not even funny. I don't even wear a brace or nothing. I just want to give them a picture and say here, stare at this!

    Please tell me that I'm not the only one who gets stares.
    My name is Justine
    I am 17 years old
    I live in Canada
    March 2007 - 13 degree curvature
    June 2007 - 28.5 degree curvature
    January 2008 - 27 degree curvature
    CHEO June 26th


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    minnesota
    Posts
    100
    I dont get any stares really, for my curves that is...haha i have a brace and my curves are 27 and 30...but idk mayb its cuz u only have one?? i would just say that you ignore those ppl, they have no idea what ur going thru and shuldnt stare at u like that, bbut u i guess just have to deal with it for now...

    good luck tho

    ps. i consider it a good thing when i get stares...lol but mayb thats cuz im really overly an extrovert! haha
    Danielle
    14 Freshwoman
    December 1st got no head the boston brace
    Pre Brace Curves:18C 25T 30L
    In brace curves: (1/23/08) 16C 20T 22L
    In brace Curves: (5/21/08) 19C 19T 15L
    We're Bringing CURVY BACK

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    178
    Ballerina, It's possible that you are getting stares, and if so, it's most likely people who are curious. It's also possible that if you are self conscious about your curves, that it is probably your perception. Maybe it's not the scoliosis curves that they're looking at, but at a beautiful young lady.

    ElleBelleCurvz, Great attitude! It sounds like you have a real positive outlook on things, way to go!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    ATL, GA
    Posts
    9
    Meh, i would just try to ignore them and just politely serve them

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    84
    Quote Originally Posted by txmarinemom
    Very, um, profound.

    Fitting for a 1993 birthday.
    Hi: where is your pain? Please send me a private message.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    42
    Hi, I dont get many stares and its probably because my curves even me out. im at 42, 63, 34 and I usually dont get looked at but thats propably because I wear loose clothing and stuff with hoods. I have a shoulder that sticks out and hips that r uneven and im only 13 but it bothers me because I know I look like that and it's probably just our imaginations that lead us to believe people r staring at us for our scoliosis.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    5
    Yeah sometimes it's probably imagination, but my co-worker says he gets stares a lot and he is positive it's because of his scoliosis, but it doesn't bother him. He has a real easy-going personality.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Monda, Spain
    Posts
    40
    Hola

    I don't get stares for my curves (unless I am round the pool and more skin is on show) but I do get stares from using my walking stick so I know how you feel.

    I got to the point where I lost my rag and said to an old lady one day "what are you looking at, I have Scoliosis and yes I am a 31 year old using a walking stick" - I won't tell you the rest!

    I find that it is usually the older generation that stare the most and are the least helpful! The younger people are always so nice and helpful, open the door for you, they don't sit on the disabled seats and take them all up (the older people do and they don't even qualify!).

    You wonder whether it is sympathy that people are giving you or just being nosey, unfortunately it is human nature to stare at what that person perceive as "not normal".

    You must get yourself comfortable with yourself so you can give the impression of sod you lot, I don't care, one thing is for certain don't let people ridicule you or make you feel any less of a person just because they are staring, I doubt they are perfect either but you just can't see their disability.

    You could always say casually "didn't you know it is rude to stare" and then walk away, you will then make that person feel bad about themselves and perhaps they may give themselves a stiff talking to later that day

    Keep your head up, be proud and get that t-shirt printed!

    All the best babe

    Nutty
    Scoliosis Support, News, Blog
    Twisted and Curved....I like that in a person
    Harrington rod T5 to L1 (1989)

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    39

    hey

    never doubt that maybe ppl are looking at you because they think you are pretty or they are maybe checking you out. stay positive. I know this is easier said than done, but think of all of the people who are her to support you and help you with this. if you look confident and feel happy with yourself, people wont even notice your curve. if someone looks curious, you could explain to them that you have scoliosis and that you have a curve in your spine. They may just be innocently wondering what you have. don't be overly rude to people that are ignorant and look at you like you have three heads. making ignorant people mad will only make them more ignorant instead you could maybe say something to make them think about it, like nutty said i didnt know it was polite to stare. MOST IMPORTANTLY:dont forget that you are beautiful, you are strong, and you are special. If you didn't have this curve, you would be just like everyone else, and what is interesting about that? Keep your chin up, because anyone worth anything will accept you for who you are.
    I am 14

    I love knitting, reading, dancing, singing, acting, etc.

    I have a boston brace

    My curves are 18 and about 9 in my brace

    Originally my curves were about 15 and 30


    I wear my brace 18-20 hours a day

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Manitoba. BRR!
    Posts
    21
    Me too. I just started wearing my brace to school yesterday and people are already making fun of me. I feel so hated and I wanna say "LEAVE ME ALONE! I DIDN'T ASK FOR SCOLIOSIS!" Because I didn't.
    I wish I lived in a perfect world. . .

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Monda, Spain
    Posts
    40
    Hola

    Don't be so down sweetie. Nobody asks for Scoliosis and I understand how you feel.

    You have to try and show you are not bothered about their snide comments and hold your head high, you are not a lesser person because you are wearing a back brace, the other school children clearly do not understand what you have been through and perhaps you should stand up to them and inform them about your Scoliosis and why you are wearing the brace.

    A few tips for you:

    Ignore the children and walk away. It's definitely not a coward's response it is harder to walk away than lose your temper! Children who bully and taunt thrive on the reaction of the people they are taunting. By ignoring you are showing that you do not care. They will get bored in the end. Ignoring the other children will also show you are NOT vulnerable.

    Don't fight. Fighting, like kicking, hitting or pushing shows your anger and you never know what the other person will do. You can still stand up for yourself, however, by walking away or being assertive in your actions.

    Practice confidence. Practice ways to respond to the other children verbally or through your behavior. Practice feeling good about yourself (even if you have to fake it at first).

    Take charge of your life. Stay true to yourself because you can't control the actions of others. Take some time to reflect about the ways you can feel good about yourself, ways that make you strongest. You may not be able to do much exercise at this point but it is a great way to make you feel powerful, strong and confident. You could also hone your skills in something like art, music, computers, writing etc. This will introduce you to new friends and help you gain confidence surrounded by those who appreciate you.

    Talk about it. Talking about these problems on the group (like you are), with a teacher, counselor or a friend will help with the support you need at this time. Talking can help bring your emotions and frustrations to the surface, these can build if you are having a bad time at school and you don't want to show this to the others! Source your true friends to stop you from being isolated and confide in them how you feel and help set the record straight with what is and isn't true!

    Finally, you are just as beautiful as the rest of them and the brace will be helping you so chin up sweetie and remember to be proud of who you are.

    We are all unqiue
    Scoliosis Support, News, Blog
    Twisted and Curved....I like that in a person
    Harrington rod T5 to L1 (1989)

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    NorthCarolina
    Posts
    51
    Quote Originally Posted by MeAndPib
    Me too. I just started wearing my brace to school yesterday and people are already making fun of me. I feel so hated and I wanna say "LEAVE ME ALONE! I DIDN'T ASK FOR SCOLIOSIS!" Because I didn't.
    Sorry to hear you're not getting off to a good start with your brace
    My daughter was so nervous the first day she wore her Boston brace to school that she almost threw up in the car. After a couple of weeks it was no big deal - everyone got all their staring out of their system.

    She didn't try to hide her brace so it was visible to everyone. One of the things that I think helped was she allowed many of the kids in her class to try it on. They had a lot more empathy for her after spending a few minutes in her shoes (brace). Many of them would even offer to undo the straps during PE and help her wiggle out of it. In her case, she got a lot more positive attention then she was used to.

    Hang in there things will get better!
    Mom to Haley, 13.5 yrs old
    Diagnosed at 6 yrs old - 18T.
    Boston Brace at 9.5 yrs old - 34T/18L
    Switched to SpineCor at 10 yrs old
    Stable at ~22T OBX until 12.5 yrs old
    Adolescent growth spurt was brutal - scheduled for surgery Dec 7th.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    68

    Yes we get it

    I noticed everyone staring at my daughter when she started (and cont'd) her quite noticeable (despite baggy clothes) brace. I felt quite perturbed at first because she is such a wonderful and beautiful person but then I realized it is just that they are scared and it is an unknown to them. My daughter is only 10 so I focused on her mental health and mostly we did fine but it broke my heart when I found out kids at school were making fun of her. One time in the Mervyn's dressing room she saw her self in the multiple mirrors and came out in tears (God I wished I could be the one with the brace!!). Anyhow, people do stare and people can be mean so I want to validate you. In an ideal world, I think the best thing to do would be to use it as an opportunity to educate people and say "I see you notice my "extra curves" ' and then let them know about this spinal deformity and how you can still expect a normal life and tell the adults to be sure to have their child checked at their next physical or at home by touching their toes. It is not, however, a perfect world so do your best and try to forgive others....it is also upsetting or disconcerting for people to see someone "disfigured" and often it is not out of disgust or hate but out of concern and sympathy. I don't often want others' sympathy but mostly people are good by nature and most would help if there was any way to do so.

    I hope that helps and I may be off base or change my opinions a minute from now but I mostly wanted to validate to you that, yes, people do look and it is what we do with that fact that determines its effect on our lives.

    Love and peace to you!

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    40
    it is natural for people to stare. im sure they are just curious about it. there are many people out there who have no idea what scoliosis even is!! when i was diagnosed i went to my friends for support and they were like (in a nice way) "you have what??". i think people just want to know what you have. those looks are to be expected with any kind of, how can i say this, condition i guess. just remember, if you didnt have scoliosis, you'd be normal. and normal is soooo boring!!

    I'm bringing curvy back

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    minnesota
    Posts
    100
    Exactly, when I got scoliosis I had only seen it once on Grey's Anatomy, and I KNEW mine was not THAT bad...so I just kinda was like...umm are you sure I have scoliosis? I thought it was always supposed to look that bad. But I got over it, my back is curved. Cool. Everyone I've told actually finds it unfair I get a cool curvy spine and they get a boring straight one. Love your differences. It's what makes you "cool" and unique. Plus some people just like to stare. Lol. My dad and Grandpa are those types of people, it may mean nothing.
    Danielle
    14 Freshwoman
    December 1st got no head the boston brace
    Pre Brace Curves:18C 25T 30L
    In brace curves: (1/23/08) 16C 20T 22L
    In brace Curves: (5/21/08) 19C 19T 15L
    We're Bringing CURVY BACK

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