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Thread: The Rude Question

  1. #31
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    4

    Not rude, but...

    I do not get rude questions, the comments I hear the most, are "you know they have ways to straighten your back/spine." or "sometimes it is better to leave things alone (implying surgery should have not been done.)

    I respond to the first comment with "my curve had been at about 100 degrees, it is now about 60 degrees. My spine is solid bone, there is nothing more that can be done. I was 13 when I developed scoli, it progressed rapidly, and I had surgery when I was 13.

    For the second comment, I reply that had I not had the surgery I probably would be dead by now because my ribs were pressing on my lung and heart.

    I am now 57 years old with arthritis in my lower back and hips, due in part, to my scoli.

    I try to make these opportunities as learning experience for the person making the comment, but, in a way it saddens me.

    Best wishes!

  2. #32
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    19
    I went for a deep tissue massage at my chiropractor's office. When the masseuse walked in and pulled back the sheet she gasped and said "Oh my God, I've never seen a back so bad". The entire massage, tears just ran down my face. I told the chiropractor afterward and he was horrified and said she was young and inexperienced. I never went back after that.

  3. #33
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Cairns, Far North Queensland, Australia
    Posts
    7
    No one believes I have a scoliosis until I show them the X ray. The nicest comment I got from a friend of my son's was, if you didn't have that curve you'd be 4" taller. Incidentally I have a 60 degrees with compensatory curve so look 'straight'. Maybe the person was just checking you out! Turn a frown into a smile and I like a lot of the comments given to you. I find keeping positive is the hardest thing.

  4. #34
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    1,164
    I have a problem from the other side. There's a middle-aged guy I regularly see on my walks who clearly has a curve very similar to my son's (but more advanced), which I can tell because his head is over to one side.

    I've always wanted to go up to him and talk to him about it - because I wonder whether he regrets not having surgery or if he's happy he avoided it -but it seems awfully rude.

  5. #35
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    14
    Quote Originally Posted by hdugger View Post
    I have a problem from the other side. There's a middle-aged guy I regularly see on my walks who clearly has a curve very similar to my son's (but more advanced), which I can tell because his head is over to one side.

    I've always wanted to go up to him and talk to him about it - because I wonder whether he regrets not having surgery or if he's happy he avoided it -but it seems awfully rude.
    I think it's rude to go up to a stranger and ask about his being 'bent.' Almost as rude as people who know you and are afraid to mention "the S word."

  6. #36
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    14
    Quote Originally Posted by IansMommy View Post
    You do look crooked from the front to me too. I wonder if it is actually worse than 6 degrees or perhaps a leg length descrepancy as Linda suggested. It is hard to tell from the front.

    Sorry to hear about the back pain. I have back pain (not from scoli though) and I know how painful it can be.
    My legs are of uneven length, my pelvis "looks" to the left, and my shoulders are uneven.

  7. #37
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    390
    Historian,

    Ah, now I remember where I noticed your "history" on this forum: The Rude question- an interesting topic- non-medical, but taps into areas we all have grappled with and most of us have hidden residual pain that we have stuffed all our lives.

    The way I first learned of my scoliosis was in a modern dance class at the age of 16, when my girlfriend's mom decided we were hanging out too much and could use a bit of structured after-school time. We were way in over our heads, the teacher completely ignored us- so we felt like goofballs to begin with. The grand finale was having my friend sit behind me in the stretch portion at the end of class and comment afterward, "I was looking at your back and it is really Really weird!" (My boyfriend at the time also liked her better. I should write a B movie out of this) So, I looked in the mirror with a handheld and was horrified. I don't recall telling anyone- just kept checking it and wondering what was up, and really kind of believing that it was appropriate for me.

    Ouch, it's so much better to be a grown-up and just have painful pain to deal with.

    Also, no matter what your scoli stats shake out to be, congratulations on losing the weight, riding your bike, and pushing onward. Really terrific!
    Amy
    58 yrs old, diagnosed at 31, never braced
    Measured T-64, L-65 in 2009
    Measured T-57, L-56 in 2010, different doc
    2 lumbar levels spondylolisthesis
    Exercising to correct

  8. #38
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    14
    Quote Originally Posted by foofer View Post
    Historian,

    Ah, now I remember where I noticed your "history" on this forum: The Rude question- an interesting topic- non-medical, but taps into areas we all have grappled with and most of us have hidden residual pain that we have stuffed all our lives.

    The way I first learned of my scoliosis was in a modern dance class at the age of 16, when my girlfriend's mom decided we were hanging out too much and could use a bit of structured after-school time. We were way in over our heads, the teacher completely ignored us- so we felt like goofballs to begin with. The grand finale was having my friend sit behind me in the stretch portion at the end of class and comment afterward, "I was looking at your back and it is really Really weird!" (My boyfriend at the time also liked her better. I should write a B movie out of this) So, I looked in the mirror with a handheld and was horrified. I don't recall telling anyone- just kept checking it and wondering what was up, and really kind of believing that it was appropriate for me.

    Ouch, it's so much better to be a grown-up and just have painful pain to deal with.

    Also, no matter what your scoli stats shake out to be, congratulations on losing the weight, riding your bike, and pushing onward. Really terrific!
    Thank you. I've added some weight back, unfortunately. It's been a rough two years in my line of work and stress eating is a problem for me. Also, my crooked knees acted up for much of this spring, keeping me off the bike and out of my hiking boots. But I'm in action again on both fronts:

    http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread...5-Pole-Steeple

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