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**briarrose** · 12-20-2005, 02:24 PM

Don't wish you were dead. I understand where you are coming from. I have a 37 degree curve and am in constant pain and no doctor seems to care. Somedays I get really depressed about it, but then I realize that's no way to live my life. God will help you to deal with this if you ask him too.

**dying2die** · 12-22-2005, 07:51 AM

i exist

hey thnx ..
but dear .. wen life kills u alive and u have no1 .. u dunno how it ffeeeels .. i will live coz i live t help others liv e
bye
regards

**bubbles1^** · 12-22-2005, 10:36 AM

death

I know exactly how you feel. I have at least a 80 degree at the top and the bottom both and constant pain. I am on pain pills, I do take them when I do need them. Somedays I wish to that my scoliosis would just go ahead and kill me but then I look at my three year old son and he is my world I don't wish that.

**tonibunny** · 12-23-2005, 09:16 AM

I am sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. It sounds as though you have other things in your life that are making you feel low, not just your scoliosis

May I ask why you do not wish to take painkillers, despite the amount of pain you are in? When I am in great pain I find I am desperate to get hold of as many pain relieving drugs as I can. They don't always work to relieve my pain, but I couldn't possibly choose not to take them.

**Leelee** · 12-23-2005, 09:34 AM

No you don't wish you were dead! Take it from someone who used to think the same thing, sometimes you think you might, but really you don't. There's always a reason to live. There may be a thousand reasons to die, but there are a million reasons to live. Cheer up!

**dying2die** · 12-23-2005, 10:25 AM

~lonely~

heelllo to all my dear friends...
well i see u all understand a little of my pain as u aare going thru the physical pain as i am .. stayin 24 hours in pain is terrible ... but wat abt the mental stressss i dunnno how many of u guys will b going thru the same mentak stresss as i am goin thru .. i am actually doing my bachelors these days .. im very hard working and down to earth .. very studious .. i am a loner .. im totlly isolated ... li have faced a lot of personal probs coz of my scoliosis ..
my famikly dunt understand me at all .. i have soo much within my heart ..
no1 understands me .. u guys g=have at least one hope to cling too .. i have none ..
the world has closed its dooors on me ..
i live now to help ppl live .. buyt i sumtimes wanna live a life ...
but i think tht dream becvame a night mare .. long back
anyways guys
u all take care
coz i care
God bless uall and heal the world on my expense

**s&d** · 12-23-2005, 02:12 PM

Far more people actually do understand than you might think. I'm sorry you are so far away - it's difficult to know what sort of resources you might have access to. Does your school / college have counselors? You need to have someone who can guide you to some appropriate help. Being alone and in pain is awful - I have been there and I urge you to find someone who can at least listen and be an advocate for you.

Pain and depression are intertwined - they each make the other much, much worse. It's not weakness or lack of character, it's an actual chemical condition in the body and brain. I don't have scoliosis - my son does - but I have a condition that flares up and causes extreme pain for months at a time and it really beats me down. I do have to use strong painkillers at those times. I don't like it, but it is much better than trying to exist without. What made a difference was finding a doctor who could monitor and treat my condition and understand my pain.

My son's scoliosis has caused him much pain, as well. He's been on antidepressants for almost three years now and when his pain is worse, so is his depression. His orthopedist has always told us that he doesn't believe that scoliosis really causes most people pain, but after talking to many people with scoliosis, I don't think he's right. It was pain that led to my son's diagnosis. My son just came home from having spinal fusion/instrumentation a week ago and is working through recovery, but again it's a struggle. When a friend came to visit he had almost no pain at all for several hours, but since then all of his friends are away for the holidays or have some other reasons they cannot visit, so he has not had any more of those pain-free periods.

Again, many, many people have been in similar conditions to yours. We understand your physical and emotional pain. It is a positive thing that you are reaching out to people here on this forum, it shows that you want help and are not giving up. I will pray that you will find someone to help you very soon and that you will find some comfort in knowing that even people very far away are thinking of you and praying for your relief and recovery.

Sandy

**Leelee** · 12-23-2005, 02:18 PM

Originally posted by dying2die

the world has closed its dooors on me ..

When a door closes, a window opens. You just have to find it.

**girlfromKorea** · 12-25-2005, 05:35 AM

I think I can understand.

(excuse me. I am not good at English..but I want to tell you.)

Well.. I think i can understand you.
I feel pain all day long. but it is more painful for me that people don't understand and I don't think they try to understand me.
Of course I know that it is quite immature that I want others to understand my situation and how I feel, but I want others to understand me.

before I started university, the only problem that I had in my mind was about physical pain. (at that time, I didn't know about my physical appearance caused by scoliosis). moreover, I totally relied on my parents about scoliosis.
after I started university, my back pain increased and I can't help feeling pain constantly. constant pain made me recognize the scoliosis all day long.
anyone in my family can't understand my pain, so when I complain about my pain to my parents, they just said that " don't tell me that you feel pain all the time." I felt horrible. They don't know that I feel pain and spasm around my back and limbs all the time.

actually, scoliosis is not well-understood here in my country, so I can't talk to my friends. and, because of scoliosis, I don't have enough courage to meet somebody.

as a result. no one around me understand me. I feel isolated.
these days, I think I can't live more. however, If I am not in this world anymore, my family will be very sad. My parents struggled to save me when I was born, so I can't.

oh.. it is really hard to live. there's no meaning for me to go on.

If somebody told my parents that I have to have psychological treatment, I would not feel sad this much.

Um.. let's think what makes our lives meaningful.
From next year, I will do volunteering thing. I heard that helping other people who are in worse condition than we are can make people happy.

Don't give up!!
we all understand and care you.

**Abbyjo_21** · 12-25-2005, 10:27 PM

dying2die-
Ive had 3 surgeries resulting from scoliosis, a curve of 56 degrees or so and had to have surgery the first time because i would have died due to the ribs collapsing around my heart n lung. I think everyone here on the forum is feeling some pain, both mentally and physically but there are some who just have a lot more pain than other. I am in pain 24/7 now since my 3rd surgery 7 months ago. Its not only my back either, its my arms shoulders, legs, hips, neck, and ribs. pretty much anything that could possibly hurt, does. After being in pain so much so long i kind of got sick of telling myself i wanted to die because its not going to happen unless you do it yourself...and hopefully im not sounding mean but if you were going to do it, you wouldnt be telling everyone about it on a forum. If your doctors arent giving you the medical attention you need..find someone else or ask to be referred to someone else that can meet your needs because theres no reason to be in pain. And i dont know what your beliefs are about pain meds but i dont like taking them either but my pain get to be so misserable that i just finally take them because i dont want to put up with it anymore. Just because you get pain meds doesnt mean you have to take them everyday every four hours..take them whenever you want. If you only take one a day, thats fine but at least you are getting something in your system to help a little bit.
Hope you figure something out and start feeling better!
There are also anti-depressants to go on because there is a possibility being depressed is making your pain even worse..thats was what i was told by my doctor.
Best wishes!
sincerely,
Abby

**dying2die** · 12-26-2005, 09:39 AM

hmmmm

hello frnds to day as i read ll of ur posts i feel the necessity to say ..
life will go o n ... and gud ppl will always b there

**sck** · 12-26-2005, 08:51 PM

hi, please check you PM

**dying2die** · 12-27-2005, 09:38 AM

i care

hello frnds .. after analysin all your replies .. first of all let me tell u guys .. i attempted suicide . to die .. but i no more wanna die .. coz i have a noble cause to live .. pl have been searching reasons to live .. as i was searchin for a reason to die .. but as i was searching for death .. i found life .. do u all know wat is the reason for me to live .. let m share it with u guys ..
i live to help the world .. too listen to ppl ... to help ppl smile .. to help ppl live
and thaz y i live .. ppl have discarded me coz ofd my disability.. ppl hate me naagging .. and they hateme coz im in pain trauma always ..
well ill keep u guys posted .. i have to gonow ...
Bye
love you all
take care guys coz i care

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