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Thread: Scoliosis and marriage

  1. #16
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Northern California
    Posts
    28

    Self-esteem issues

    I have been married for 25 years to a wonderful man and the mother of 2 children born vaginally. I didn't have any problems really with pregnancy or getting pregnant (got pregnant the first shot w/o contraception) but my son came six weeks early and my daughter three weeks early, don't know whether it has anything to do with my back.

    As far as self-esteem issues, I have never been able to shower in front of my husband. I think this goes back to gym class issues and a mother who just could not accept my deformity. I have been on anti-depressants for years and think this has a lot to do with my disease process.

    I am now going for my first surgical consultation next month. My curves have worsened over the years but I thought it was all in my head. I didn't even know about corrective adult surgery until about six months ago. Isn't that sad??! I wish the primary care doctors were more informed about this surgery. I found out about the surgery from a friend who had it.

  2. #17
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Chicago north suburb
    Posts
    774
    KKong,

    You are not alone in your ignorance of this disease. Until I began having problems this past year, I was unaware of the progressive factor associated with scoliosis. I have noticed changes in my body just the past few years, but I assumed it was part of aging. I will be 57 next month. As far as self-esteem goes, I've often wondered if my deformity was a factor in my choosing not to marry. I've alway felt embarrassed by it and uncomfortable being naked in front of someone. I've been told I'm a beautiful woman and have had many admirers over the years but never wanted to have to tell someone about my crooked spine. At this stage of my life, it's just not that important to me anymore. But I am very much concerned about further progression and what it can do to me.

    Chris

  3. #18
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    1
    wow, all of you have such great husbands...

    for me, i don't have scoliosis but my husband does... he kept it from me when we were still dating, until he was forced to tell it to me in such a straightforward and gung-ho manner... he said "i have scoliosis, but would you still marry me?" instead of me saying yes instantly, i was a bit stunned at first and asked myself "what was scoliosis again?"... of course i said yes, even without knowing what it meant... i told myself, "whatever it is, he wouldn't ask me for marriage if he knew it would affect us... at least it wasn't halitosis!" LOL...

    anyway, i found out about it after some research... we got married and had a few adorable children... no problems so far since his job involves just using the computer at home, while i was out most of the time... both of us are usually busy, so he'd just order his meds from the computer and we'd have no problem from doctor appointments... and our kids know their father's condition well and are even comfortable enough to speak about it in their own schools...

    the only thing that bothers me is his pride... sometimes i get irritated when he insists on doing things that he's not supposed to because of his condition, simply because, according to him, "he's the man of the house"... and i just calmly explain to him that he's the man of the house regardless of whether he does the strenuous stuff or not...

    sometimes i cannot help but worry about sexual positions that i kinda like but i know would give him a bit of pain... but he insists on doing so because he says he loves me... of course, i go with it anyway, just to show him that his preferences and acts matter to me too... but i make some excuse to shift to another position when i see even a small indication of pain in him...

    well, we're still a happy couple and we love each other dearly...

  4. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    texas,dallas area
    Posts
    136
    my husband knew i had scoliosis when we met and he didnt seem bothered by it.13 years ago though i wasnt very noticable in my curves but i did have that one side of breast bigger than the other and that was the only thing that bothered me.my husband has never said anything about my back looking bad .even though now i can see how bad my back is getting he says he can barely tell.
    Trudy T60 L70 posterior surgery feb.8th 2007

  5. #20
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    near Philadelphia
    Posts
    1,260
    Anyone besides me think Starfire's post is a clever marketing ploy??
    Chris
    A/P fusion on June 19, 2007 at age 52; T10-L5
    Pre-op thoracolumbar curve: 70 degrees
    Post-op curve: 12 degrees
    Dr. Boachie-adjei, HSS, New York

  6. #21
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Fernley, Nevada
    Posts
    352
    Singer,
    Yea, that was my first impression......I spam
    SandyC

  7. #22
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Middlebury, CT
    Posts
    15

    Go ahead get pregnant!

    I had surgery in 1975 - don't know how many or waht vertebrae are fused, I do know that the two lower are the only lower one's not fused.

    I have had three successful pregnancies - no complications during pregnancy due to the rods or back pain.

    My first child was a c-section (she was breach) and I had to go under full anesthesia due to the fusions not permitting me to have an epidural or spinal (almost prefer that - couldn't deal with being half awake while they cut my belly open!!!)

    My other two were Vbacs - no epidural or spinals - but hey, I made it through with flying colors - these deliveries were without complications.

    As far as the scoliosos affecting a marriage - it really depends on the couple, as do so many other things in a relationship. Between you and me - if he has a tough time dealing with the scoliosis or it becomes an issue for him - he's not worth having around in your life.

  8. #23
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Sydney, Australia
    Posts
    20
    I have been married for 12 years and it hasnt affected our relationship. Although it might be because I became friends with my husband when I was 7 and then we grew up knowing about my scoli, visited me after surgeryand he got diagnosed too, even though he was only braced. I also had 3 kids and am 7 months pregnent with twins and it didnt really get afected. My 11 year old daughter, my 7 y/o son and my 2 y/o daughter were all vaginal. but overall scoliosis hasnt afected much of anything.
    Last edited by Mom to 3; 11-08-2006 at 09:05 PM. Reason: wording messed up
    Annie. (61* Before surgery 8* after, Surgery 1990)
    Mother of
    Anna, age 11, 54* curve (surgery on 9/2)
    Mack, age 7, 32* curve (TLSO Brace)
    Meghan, age 2 18* curve (Monitering)
    www.potterfamily.piczo.com

  9. #24
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Madison WI
    Posts
    2
    my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and it doesnt bother him... self esteem wise it bothers me a little bit because since im crooked i stumble and lose my balance a lot which is just embarasing... but He tells me I have a sexy back straight or crooked.

    sexual positions are a little challenging for us but we are creative. and he says he doesnt mind.

    I have a 41 degree curve and we are waiting to see if my curve progresses more before I have surgery.
    Im IN pt And was braced for two years in High School with a boston brace( Then had a 30 degree curve.)

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