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Thread: need advise on preparing my kids for my surgery

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    fl
    Posts
    73

    need advise on preparing my kids for my surgery

    Hi All,
    I am having surgery 7/12, and I need to get the kids ready for the surgery. They have not seen me down and out and I am scared for them because they too have scoliosis. I don't want them to look at me and be scared if they have to face surgery later. This is a really tought one for me. Any suggestions?
    Diagnosed 11 at school screening, surgery 16.
    Had Harrington rods w/fusions.
    Luque-thorasic.
    Full term pregnancies,no major issues.sciatica with the first. Epidurals with C-sections
    2005:lumbar reconstruction, 2 plates, 6 screws in sacrum, and 2 cages with my own bone.
    2007: cervical surgery to correct 4 bulging discs, two fusions with cages using cadaver bone.
    Both of my daughters have scoliosis. Both were diagnosed by 7.
    http://spinedoctors.md/ Dr, Jospeh Flynn Jr

  2. #2
    Mary Lou Guest
    Krystal,

    Tell them the truth. Tell them you are having surgery and you will be in the hospital for several days and let them know they may not be able to see you for a day or two after surgery. Reassure them that they can call you/come see you as soon as possible. I found it helpful for my youngest daughter to have a calendar while her sister was in the hospital. (maybe with pictures for the younger one who can't read) This left her know that someone was always available for her no matter what. Prepare the kids for the fact that you won't be feeling like yourself for a while after surgery. You might be surprised, if you prepare them for what to expect before it all happens, they will probably help you a great deal once you are home. Kids are much stronger than we think and they usually do fine. I know, we Moms always worry, but that's our job. I hope this helps. I think the best policy is to always tell the truth. Explain to them that not everyone who has Scoliosis has to have surgery. Besides, if your kids ever end up needing surgery, we have a great group of people here to let them e-mail with our kids and they'll tell them how much easier it is for kids to go through this than for adults. Best of luck. You'll be in our thoughts/prayers on the 12th.

    Mary Lou

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    fl
    Posts
    73
    Thanks Mary Lou,
    I have told them things will be different when I come home and I guess reality will set in when I get home. They are very bright kids and they have already seen the pain I go through. The bad part is children seem to sense when things are going to change, and they have been terrible. LOL. They are so afraid that I won't be around for them like I am now. I have not done alot here lately for them. Like simple things, getting stuff down from shelves, getting the infamous towel out of the closet after they are out of the shower,etc. LOL. I am trying to prepare them for when I am down and out. It is going to rough I think. I will pray alot that they can cope and adapt easily. The first chance I get I am going to sit down and make up some to do lists for them and ask them to help me out. Well any other ideas will help also.
    Diagnosed 11 at school screening, surgery 16.
    Had Harrington rods w/fusions.
    Luque-thorasic.
    Full term pregnancies,no major issues.sciatica with the first. Epidurals with C-sections
    2005:lumbar reconstruction, 2 plates, 6 screws in sacrum, and 2 cages with my own bone.
    2007: cervical surgery to correct 4 bulging discs, two fusions with cages using cadaver bone.
    Both of my daughters have scoliosis. Both were diagnosed by 7.
    http://spinedoctors.md/ Dr, Jospeh Flynn Jr

  4. #4
    Mary Lou Guest
    Krystal,

    Have you thought of making a chore chart and assigning them specific chores? You could always run out now and buy a few "treats" for them and reward them along the way for a job well done when they help you out. Maybe start chores now and and allowance to go along with them, so they get use to doing chores over the next month and then it won't seem like they have to take care of you? As for their behavior, kids are not dumb! They pick up on things so quickly and that's why I suggested telling them the truth. They tend to worry less if they know what to expect.

    Mary Lou

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    fl
    Posts
    73
    Hey Mary Lou,
    Yeah I have a chore chart already in place and now I will add some things I think they are appropriate for there age. the younger one likes to do the organizing (even though she needs guidance) LOL. The older one is a big girls for 9, 5 foot 1, and 120 lbs. She can pick up alot of the clothes and carry alot of stuff the younger one cant. I have told them to expect nothing. They can go with their dad places only on weekends and he committed to taking them on the weekends some place fun. Then my sister will take them places when she comes over to get them out of the house. That should stave off the tension of being in the house.

    I may talk to their principal and ask if they have a reading program they can attend in late July for an hour to get them out of the house and back into a normal routine. I have them at a wondeful school that focuses on community issues such as single mother who are medically ill, cancer and kidney failure. We have quite a few. Then they have a great church that will also help with taking them to and from church. Also I have to figure out how to reassure them it will be ok and reassure myself too. LOL.
    Diagnosed 11 at school screening, surgery 16.
    Had Harrington rods w/fusions.
    Luque-thorasic.
    Full term pregnancies,no major issues.sciatica with the first. Epidurals with C-sections
    2005:lumbar reconstruction, 2 plates, 6 screws in sacrum, and 2 cages with my own bone.
    2007: cervical surgery to correct 4 bulging discs, two fusions with cages using cadaver bone.
    Both of my daughters have scoliosis. Both were diagnosed by 7.
    http://spinedoctors.md/ Dr, Jospeh Flynn Jr

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    913
    Oh Krystal, looks like you have everything planned out, PLEASE think about YOU and getting better. You have a lot of support from what I read, and your girls are healthy and will be stronger and more responsible from this, you'll see it will be good for them, in some way

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    fl
    Posts
    73
    hey Nancy,
    I know I should think about myself more than I should. Last October I had a really bad stomach virus for three days. I couldn't even hold down or in a teaspoon of water. I was severally dehydrated. My body was nearly shutting down. I refused to go to the hospital because the girls were sick with it too. My magnesium and potassium dropped way to low and caused me to have major pain in my chest. So thinking well I better go before I die, I went and they kept me all day and all night on i.v. fluids.

    I felt so guilty for not being there even though they got through the stomach virus was better than me. So that is why I worry about them so much. I want it all in place so I am not chomping at the bit when I go in. I want to know that th ey are all set for school also. They go back August 2.
    Diagnosed 11 at school screening, surgery 16.
    Had Harrington rods w/fusions.
    Luque-thorasic.
    Full term pregnancies,no major issues.sciatica with the first. Epidurals with C-sections
    2005:lumbar reconstruction, 2 plates, 6 screws in sacrum, and 2 cages with my own bone.
    2007: cervical surgery to correct 4 bulging discs, two fusions with cages using cadaver bone.
    Both of my daughters have scoliosis. Both were diagnosed by 7.
    http://spinedoctors.md/ Dr, Jospeh Flynn Jr

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    913
    Guilt is not easy to deal with, but it can be destructive and really leads to nowhere. But these are your girls and of course they're your life. You just need to think about you since in the end, when you're better, you will be better for them

    Wow August 2nd, that's early to start school. It's late August/early Sept. here in Canada.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    fl
    Posts
    73
    Hey Nancy,
    After this past weekend with the girls and their friends I am thinking a week won't be so bad. Kidding! They get out in the last of May so it really seems like forever for them when they are out. I sometimes wish they went all year. Not kidding! I like having them around they make me laugh all day. I told my mom that I am going to hurt from laughing if the younger one comes in with her jokes. She has great one liners. Today she asked for a dollar for picking up HER frosted flakes SHE spilled. What a hoot.

    After talking to them last night they seemed pretty ok that I am going to be gone for awhile. I reassured them they won't starve or be neglected with grandma here. Well I think I have settled my fears down more by talking about it here too. I am not so on edge when talking to people about the whole thing. I just want to feel better and that is the bottom line. I can't make them happy feeling the way I do. They like the idea of me being more active again after I am better. They aren't used to me sitting around so much.
    Diagnosed 11 at school screening, surgery 16.
    Had Harrington rods w/fusions.
    Luque-thorasic.
    Full term pregnancies,no major issues.sciatica with the first. Epidurals with C-sections
    2005:lumbar reconstruction, 2 plates, 6 screws in sacrum, and 2 cages with my own bone.
    2007: cervical surgery to correct 4 bulging discs, two fusions with cages using cadaver bone.
    Both of my daughters have scoliosis. Both were diagnosed by 7.
    http://spinedoctors.md/ Dr, Jospeh Flynn Jr

  10. #10
    Mary Lou Guest
    Krystal,

    Here's a thought-how is grandma with working on the internet? You could always put your kids in charge of updating us on the forum of your progress as long as grandma is there to supervise them. (I hate little one on the internet unsupervised) Your youngest one sounds a lot like my youngest one. I had to laugh. Did you pay her a dollar (lol) or did you charge her for the milk she wasted, etc.? Hang in there and keep laughing.

    Mary Lou

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    fl
    Posts
    73
    Hey Mary Lou,
    Thank God she ate the cereal dry. I told her she wasn't getting a penny for that. But she washed a sinkfull of dishes for 50 cents. She thinks because she is cute she can get what she wants. Can't imagine why she thinks that (grandma&grandpa).
    Diagnosed 11 at school screening, surgery 16.
    Had Harrington rods w/fusions.
    Luque-thorasic.
    Full term pregnancies,no major issues.sciatica with the first. Epidurals with C-sections
    2005:lumbar reconstruction, 2 plates, 6 screws in sacrum, and 2 cages with my own bone.
    2007: cervical surgery to correct 4 bulging discs, two fusions with cages using cadaver bone.
    Both of my daughters have scoliosis. Both were diagnosed by 7.
    http://spinedoctors.md/ Dr, Jospeh Flynn Jr

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    fl
    Posts
    73
    Hey All,
    I wanted to let you know how great my children pulled through for me. They were not only well behaved but also extremely helpful. After coming home from the hospital I had alot of pain of course and my 10 year old was so good to me. She helped form A-Z. She did more for me then the nurses that were supposed to come in and help. I really am proud of my children and hope that I can give any helpful advice in the future to anyone that reads this. I think slthoudh the talking was part of it I was totally honest with then even a year ago. So with that said take care all.
    krystal
    Diagnosed 11 at school screening, surgery 16.
    Had Harrington rods w/fusions.
    Luque-thorasic.
    Full term pregnancies,no major issues.sciatica with the first. Epidurals with C-sections
    2005:lumbar reconstruction, 2 plates, 6 screws in sacrum, and 2 cages with my own bone.
    2007: cervical surgery to correct 4 bulging discs, two fusions with cages using cadaver bone.
    Both of my daughters have scoliosis. Both were diagnosed by 7.
    http://spinedoctors.md/ Dr, Jospeh Flynn Jr

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