Hi everyone,
I don't post here as much as I should and I feel ashamed for wanting a pity party now...but here goes: I am having another revision surgery on September 5th to correct my issue. Get comfy, and enjoy the shortened version: I had my "original" revision surgery May 9 where Dr. "X" put titanium rods from T11-S1 (this is my second curve). My first had been fused in '87 with stainless steel. Okay, so I make it through the 11 1/2 hour surgery fine and dandy; in fact I have been reminded I was singing Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, asking my 11 year old son to sneak me in chocolate chips, telling him NOT to pick up the money that is on the ground in the parking lot and singing Pink Floyd. Well, the next day I took a nose dive and they discovered a blood clot in my left lung - first hurdle. Then I proceed to come down with pneumonia - second hurdle. Then after both of those two things, I apparently wasn't breathing well enough and they had to intubate me with the respirator. Total time in the hospital - 28 days all of which but 10 hours when I was in my own room, spent in ICU. Then I head from the hospital to Inpatient Rehab for another 10 days. So I got home for good on June 1.
Since the surgery, I have developed a hunch in my back, massively tight hamstrings (working on not bending my legs anymore), and since our rods are straight and I'm hunching, yep, they have made a lovely protrusion/knot-like-thing outside of my back, causing me pain. He's going to go in and cut the top part of the new rod from the screw up (hopefully). If that doesn't let it "relax" then he'll undo the screw (chuckle).
Anyway, I am 42 years old, I consider myself not too frumpy; I have an 11 year old son who is the world to me (he's from Ukraine) and I hate myself right now. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I feel. I used to have boobs (sorry guys) but now, I'm lucky if I'm a high b. My husband keeps telling me it's okay, he loves me just the way I am, yada yada yada but I want to look at him and everyone else and I say, "really??? this is attractive to you?" I hate going out in public and it's worse because we live in a small town and now school starts this week. I was recently approved for disability and now, after working since I was 16, I am in so much pain and depressed I am now on disability.
I guess I was just wondering how everyone feels...do you all or have you all gone through a stage through all of this where you think to yourself "I hate myself for the way I look"???
Again, I hope I don't come across as someone who is expecting a pity party, just needed to get some things out of my head.
Thanks everyone,
Chris
I don't post here as much as I should and I feel ashamed for wanting a pity party now...but here goes: I am having another revision surgery on September 5th to correct my issue. Get comfy, and enjoy the shortened version: I had my "original" revision surgery May 9 where Dr. "X" put titanium rods from T11-S1 (this is my second curve). My first had been fused in '87 with stainless steel. Okay, so I make it through the 11 1/2 hour surgery fine and dandy; in fact I have been reminded I was singing Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, asking my 11 year old son to sneak me in chocolate chips, telling him NOT to pick up the money that is on the ground in the parking lot and singing Pink Floyd. Well, the next day I took a nose dive and they discovered a blood clot in my left lung - first hurdle. Then I proceed to come down with pneumonia - second hurdle. Then after both of those two things, I apparently wasn't breathing well enough and they had to intubate me with the respirator. Total time in the hospital - 28 days all of which but 10 hours when I was in my own room, spent in ICU. Then I head from the hospital to Inpatient Rehab for another 10 days. So I got home for good on June 1.
Since the surgery, I have developed a hunch in my back, massively tight hamstrings (working on not bending my legs anymore), and since our rods are straight and I'm hunching, yep, they have made a lovely protrusion/knot-like-thing outside of my back, causing me pain. He's going to go in and cut the top part of the new rod from the screw up (hopefully). If that doesn't let it "relax" then he'll undo the screw (chuckle).
Anyway, I am 42 years old, I consider myself not too frumpy; I have an 11 year old son who is the world to me (he's from Ukraine) and I hate myself right now. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I feel. I used to have boobs (sorry guys) but now, I'm lucky if I'm a high b. My husband keeps telling me it's okay, he loves me just the way I am, yada yada yada but I want to look at him and everyone else and I say, "really??? this is attractive to you?" I hate going out in public and it's worse because we live in a small town and now school starts this week. I was recently approved for disability and now, after working since I was 16, I am in so much pain and depressed I am now on disability.
I guess I was just wondering how everyone feels...do you all or have you all gone through a stage through all of this where you think to yourself "I hate myself for the way I look"???
Again, I hope I don't come across as someone who is expecting a pity party, just needed to get some things out of my head.
Thanks everyone,
Chris
Comment