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Thread: I am so angry....(venting)

  1. #1
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    Apr 2013
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    I am so angry....(venting)

    I am just not sure who that anger is directed at. Me or my sons school???? I took him up to get his books for school today. This process took a total of 20 mins last year. This year, it was like we were a bunch of cattle being prodded through an assembly line of tables. Very through, but annoying to those of us that have already done our homework so to speak. So, we get his new schedule which is now different then the one they mailed. The one in the mail is correct but we have to use the one they gave us today. Now to a new table to make changes. But, We have to sign in to see a counselor, two on site and the hallway is packed with parents and students waiting. I tell the lady I am in need of a seat as I recently had surgery and I watch as she walks into a room full of chairs and comes out and says non are available. My son spots two people leaving and grabs those spots. Now to the CHAIRS...imagine me yelling every time I cap! They are OLD computer ROLLING chairs lined up in a small hallway that we are all now cozy with each other. (Smiley face). I jab my foot under my rollers to stop them from rolling away and try to maintain a comfortable position. (Frown face) I say to my son "let's hope 20 mins goes fast." He looks at me with such pity and then says "Mom, she said 20 mins per student ahead of us. That's like over a 2 hour wait we have." Oh my God. The tears almost immediately came out. And I am not a crier (although that is up for serious debate lately). I sat for about 5 mins and RAGE set in. How on earth could they not have a better system set up! 2 hours!!! UNREAL!!! So, I calmly walk back up to the lady and tell her I must have misunderstood. Was it really a 2 hour wait. She looks at the list and says "maybe and hour and a half or so." Really??? Trying to make it sound better??? Not working. I explain my situation again, hating the fact that she has insulted me once by neglecting to get me a chair and now I have to explain to her that I cannot sit in these GOD AWFUL chairs for 2 hours and know she could give a rats ass. I get it. She has probably heard everything. But this really pisses me off. So nope, she's not going to do anything about it. And it's in black in white- simple change my son needs- remember, one schedule is right, the other is wrong. It's not like we want to get I to a different class!!! So I tell her to cross us off and I will have to figure something out. She says "oh I understand, you cannot sit here for that long if you have had surgery!" OH MY GOD! Then ask someone if we can do something in this situation!!! I wanted to lose it except for the fact I was with my son. Thank God he is a teenager and could handle some of my raging.

    So, I am not sure if I am more mad at the school system or my 'disability' and not having the balls to stand up for myself. Why shouldn't I have demanded to see administration? Maybe ask to see her superior to see if they could do something. I would do it for anyone else in this situation in a heartbeat. I fight for my friends and family til I am exhausted. Why can't I do that for me? Why is it so damn hard to stand up for oneself and demand better!?! (Well, at least me) And what do they do for people with more apparent handicaps? Are the going to make them wait in a hallway for 2 hours as well? I cannot imagine my best friend who is going through chemo holding her barf bag next to her while she patiently waits her turn. Maybe our school just SUCKS! Or that lady has never dealt with someone in need of a little extra help.

    Footnote:
    1: sorry for using the Lords name in vain
    2: sorry for swearing!
    3: flipping 3rd month mark!!! Argh!!! Emotions are all over...my poor sweet husband! (And children)
    4: thanks for reading and letting me vent
    *Jen
    Fusion surgery with Dr. Chang May 7, 2013
    Pre-T:50 L:48
    Post-T:20 L:0
    Degenerative disk disease through spine and neck with bulging disks as well. Spinal cord deformity in the area of C5-6.
    {On the road to a lifetime of forever with a back not holding me down!! Vacations, playtime with the kids, adult excursions! Life is moving forward not holding me back }

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
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    Southern CA
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    I totally understand. This is the place to vent

    Melissa
    Melissa

    Fused from C2 - sacrum 7/2011

    December 8, 2014 - Another Broken Rod Surgery

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    NC
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    Hi.

    It sounds like there was a confluence of events that made it very hard on you. The main problem sounds like they changed the procedure and that is very annoying even without just coming off surgery.

    In the future, when you have your son with you like that, maybe he can stay in line to hold your place and you can walk around or sit in the car or something. Then he can call you when he is close to the front of the line.

    Also, if you can keep a lightweight chair in your car that you can use in these circumstances, I think that would help.

    I don't think the administrator could have helped you. What would they have done? The people on line ahead of you would have needed an administrator themselves if the counselor jumped you to the front of the line even given your surgery.

    I don't understand your description of the two schedules and you knew which was right but they did not but was there any issue with the kids in front of you trying to get the same class as your son wanted? If not then I certainly would have let you ahead of me. If they were trying to get the same class or the same schedule or otherwise competing for something then you can't expect them to let you in ahead of them.

    I am probably not understanding the situation but I do agree the procedure change would have annoyed me also.
    Last edited by Pooka1; 07-25-2013 at 06:23 PM.
    Sharon, mother of identical twin girls with scoliosis

    No island of sanity.

    Question: What do you call alternative medicine that works?
    Answer: Medicine


    "We are all African."

  4. #4
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    571
    Jen,

    You mentioned that your son is a teenager. May be he can handle the situation with books and schedules himself, without you? Being so stressed doesn't help your recovery and you need to be a happy camper now.
    I am stronger than scoliosis, and won't let it rule my life!
    45 years old - diagnosed at age 7
    A/P surgery on March 5/7, 2013 - UCSF

  5. #5
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    Apr 2013
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pooka1 View Post
    Hi.

    It sounds like there was a confluence of events that made it very hard on you. The main problem sounds like they changed the procedure and that is very annoying even without just coming off surgery.

    I the future, when you have your son with you like that, maybe he can stay in line to hold your place and you can walk around or sit in the car or something. Then he can call you when he is close to the front of the line.

    Also, if you can keep a lightweight chair in your car that you can use in these circumstances, I think that would help.

    I don't think the administrator could have helped you. What would they have done? The people on line ahead of you would have needed an administrator themselves if the counselor jumped you to the front of the line even given your surgery.

    I don't understand your description of the two schedules and you knew which was right but they did not but was there any issue with the kids in front of you trying to get the same class as your son wanted? If not then I certainly would have let you ahead of me. If they were trying to get the same class or the same schedule or otherwise competing for something then you can't expect them to let you in ahead of them.

    I am probably not understanding the situation but I do agree the procedure change would have annoyed me also.
    I agree that I need to take responsibility and be more prepared for situations like this. I was assuming it would not be more of a 30 min process. Lesson learned.

    The schedule problem was he was in a duplicate class. He took the math class last year and needed to be placed in next level math. So schedule A that came in the mail had him correctly in the Algebra class. Schedule B that they gave us on site and stated was the new schedule had him in last years Geometry class. Most students were wanting to change elective classes, as in they had put down choice 1, 2 and 3 and then selected 4, 5 and 6 if those were not available when picking classes last year and they did not like they classes they got: per say, home ec, PE, technology classes and hoped to be placed in there first choices if the option was Available. (Does that make sense?) This was not an elective class so it could have been fixed in a few minutes. But I get what you are saying. If I had been waiting for 1.5 hrs and someone just walked in I would be quite frustrated, surgery or not. (Side note, a teacher I know did just that stating she had a presentation she had to be to. She walked in front of me, knowing me because we worked together, and then said to the lady she needed to get in quickly. I understood in her situation as she probably assumed as me it was the same as last year, quick in and quick out, but if no exceptions could be made, then don't make them).

    What I hoped they lady could have done was offered me a time to make an appointment with a counselor since I had special circumstances. There has to be a protocol for this. What my intention to do once I got home and cooled of was to come back tomorrow right when they opened and be able to jump the other lines being we now had done all the pre work involved and could hope our wait would be much less. Believe me, it crossed my mind to leave my son and request he call me (waiting in the car in 110 degree temps isn't an option here) but one I felt bad leaving him and two, there was no way to gauge when to call unless he had a copy of the list. The lady did not seem too accommodating.

    Believe me, I feel l am whining over spilled milk but I guess it just set me off today. I have been overly sensitive lately. Too much of a roller coaster that I am ready to step off. And the last few days have been higher in pain so that probably has something to do with things as well. (I over did things while cleaning in my daughters bedroom-it was a pit!)
    *Jen
    Fusion surgery with Dr. Chang May 7, 2013
    Pre-T:50 L:48
    Post-T:20 L:0
    Degenerative disk disease through spine and neck with bulging disks as well. Spinal cord deformity in the area of C5-6.
    {On the road to a lifetime of forever with a back not holding me down!! Vacations, playtime with the kids, adult excursions! Life is moving forward not holding me back }

  6. #6
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by Irina View Post
    Jen,

    You mentioned that your son is a teenager. May be he can handle the situation with books and schedules himself, without you? Being so stressed doesn't help your recovery and you need to be a happy camper now.
    Thanks for the thoughts Irina. He probably could but he doesn't drive yet and needs to pay for classes. If we knew in advance the cost and I had REALLY been a smart person, I would have sent him with another parent. In the end, my husband is going to work from home tomorrow and work out the shenanigans. I'll get to take the other child for her 11 year old shots!

    As they say, this too shall pass. I would much rather have angry rants like this then the health obstacles that were holding me back in my healing process.
    Thanks for everyone's words. It helps when people know what you are going through.
    *Jen
    Fusion surgery with Dr. Chang May 7, 2013
    Pre-T:50 L:48
    Post-T:20 L:0
    Degenerative disk disease through spine and neck with bulging disks as well. Spinal cord deformity in the area of C5-6.
    {On the road to a lifetime of forever with a back not holding me down!! Vacations, playtime with the kids, adult excursions! Life is moving forward not holding me back }

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
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    Hey, the bottom line is they changed the procedure and it put you in a very bad spot. That's not your fault and you shouldn't beat yourself up over how you handled anything. I would have struggled with that and I am not recovering from surgery.

    Be kind to yourself. :-)
    Sharon, mother of identical twin girls with scoliosis

    No island of sanity.

    Question: What do you call alternative medicine that works?
    Answer: Medicine


    "We are all African."

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
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    Posts
    40
    Quote Originally Posted by Pooka1 View Post
    Hey, the bottom line is they changed the procedure and it put you in a very bad spot. That's not your fault and you shouldn't beat yourself up over how you handled anything. I would have struggled with that and I am not recovering from surgery.

    Be kind to yourself. :-)
    Thanks Sharon.
    *Jen
    Fusion surgery with Dr. Chang May 7, 2013
    Pre-T:50 L:48
    Post-T:20 L:0
    Degenerative disk disease through spine and neck with bulging disks as well. Spinal cord deformity in the area of C5-6.
    {On the road to a lifetime of forever with a back not holding me down!! Vacations, playtime with the kids, adult excursions! Life is moving forward not holding me back }

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Yacolt, WA
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    Quote Originally Posted by back2life View Post
    I am just not sure who that anger is directed at. Me or my sons school???? I took him up to get his books for school today. This process took a total of 20 mins last year. This year, it was like we were a bunch of cattle being prodded through an assembly line of tables. Very through, but annoying to those of us that have already done our homework so to speak. So, we get his new schedule which is now different then the one they mailed. The one in the mail is correct but we have to use the one they gave us today. Now to a new table to make changes. But, We have to sign in to see a counselor, two on site and the hallway is packed with parents and students waiting. I tell the lady I am in need of a seat as I recently had surgery and I watch as she walks into a room full of chairs and comes out and says non are available. My son spots two people leaving and grabs those spots. Now to the CHAIRS...imagine me yelling every time I cap! They are OLD computer ROLLING chairs lined up in a small hallway that we are all now cozy with each other. (Smiley face). I jab my foot under my rollers to stop them from rolling away and try to maintain a comfortable position. (Frown face) I say to my son "let's hope 20 mins goes fast." He looks at me with such pity and then says "Mom, she said 20 mins per student ahead of us. That's like over a 2 hour wait we have." Oh my God. The tears almost immediately came out. And I am not a crier (although that is up for serious debate lately). I sat for about 5 mins and RAGE set in. How on earth could they not have a better system set up! 2 hours!!! UNREAL!!! So, I calmly walk back up to the lady and tell her I must have misunderstood. Was it really a 2 hour wait. She looks at the list and says "maybe and hour and a half or so." Really??? Trying to make it sound better??? Not working. I explain my situation again, hating the fact that she has insulted me once by neglecting to get me a chair and now I have to explain to her that I cannot sit in these GOD AWFUL chairs for 2 hours and know she could give a rats ass. I get it. She has probably heard everything. But this really pisses me off. So nope, she's not going to do anything about it. And it's in black in white- simple change my son needs- remember, one schedule is right, the other is wrong. It's not like we want to get I to a different class!!! So I tell her to cross us off and I will have to figure something out. She says "oh I understand, you cannot sit here for that long if you have had surgery!" OH MY GOD! Then ask someone if we can do something in this situation!!! I wanted to lose it except for the fact I was with my son. Thank God he is a teenager and could handle some of my raging.

    So, I am not sure if I am more mad at the school system or my 'disability' and not having the balls to stand up for myself. Why shouldn't I have demanded to see administration? Maybe ask to see her superior to see if they could do something. I would do it for anyone else in this situation in a heartbeat. I fight for my friends and family til I am exhausted. Why can't I do that for me? Why is it so damn hard to stand up for oneself and demand better!?! (Well, at least me) And what do they do for people with more apparent handicaps? Are the going to make them wait in a hallway for 2 hours as well? I cannot imagine my best friend who is going through chemo holding her barf bag next to her while she patiently waits her turn. Maybe our school just SUCKS! Or that lady has never dealt with someone in need of a little extra help.

    Footnote:
    1: sorry for using the Lords name in vain
    2: sorry for swearing!
    3: flipping 3rd month mark!!! Argh!!! Emotions are all over...my poor sweet husband! (And children)
    4: thanks for reading and letting me vent
    The problem is the woman above "rat's ass", NOT your disability. She has the compassion of a head of lettuce. I would politely ask her how to spell her name, as you are writing a letter to the superintendent about her totally irresponsible behavior. Also ask her what department that she works in . Do not mention your name in case she is your son's English teacher.

    When the less than kind folks at Pacific Airlines made me wait in line for 1.5 hours after I told them that I couldn't wait in lines, I laid down on the floor with my ice pack on my back and periodically moaned as I was in severe pain. Helped some....then they were totally embarrassed that they had put me in that position.

    When something like that happens again, take 3 deep cleansing breaths (remember childbirth education?), regroup, get out your notebook and start taking down names. Then ask for the supervisor....and that person's supervisor. You need to let your needs known. If it doesn't work the first time, do not give up! You are worth it!

    I frequently bring a folding lawn chair to such events....and a flask of bourbon.

    Susan
    Last edited by susancook; 07-26-2013 at 02:59 AM.
    Adult Onset Degenerative Scoliosis @65, 25* T & 36* L w/ 11.2 cm coronal balance; T kyphosis 90*; Severe disc degen T & L stenosis

    2013: T3- S1 Fusion w/ ALIF L4-S1/XLIF L2-4, PSF T4-S1 2 surgeries
    2014: Hernia @ ALIF repaired; Emergency screw removal Spinal Cord Injury T4,5 sec to PJK
    2015: Revision Broken Bil T & L rods and no fusion: 2 revision surgeries; hardware P. Acnes infection
    2016: Ant/Lat Lumbar diskectomy w/ 4 cages + BMP + harvested bone
    2018: Removal L4,5 screw

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    1,978
    I could be wrong, but some of that might be covered under the ADA code in some way. They need to provide you with some special consideration because you are, in a real sense, disabled because of the hardware/fusion and because you just had your surgery. Again, I could be wrong, but it couldn't hurt to mention it if need be.
    67 and plugging along...
    2007 52 w/ severe lumbar stenosis & L2L3 lateral listhesis (side shift)
    5/4/07 posterior spinal fusion T2-L4 w/ laminectomies and osteotomies @L2L3, L3L4
    Dr. Kim Hammerberg, Rush Univ. Medical Center in Chicago

    Corrected to 15
    CMT (type 2) DX in 2014, progressing
    NEW 10/2018 x-rays show spondylolisthesis at L4/L5 - Dr. DeWald is monitoring

    Click to view my pics: pics of scoli x-rays digital x-rays, and pics of me

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    NC
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    I don't see fault anywhere. Everyone was a victim of the circumstance. That said, apparently this was the first run through of the new system I guess. But better communication BEFORE registration would have solved this. Maybe some sense that there could be long waits in line would have prepared people for that possibility. Then the admins would not be put in a position to have to decide whether to accommodate a recovering person or respect the order in line.

    I wonder how they managed to fix registration errors without the long lines in previous years. Whatever they did, they should go back to that approach if possible. Maybe it was always like that and the OP's son simply never needed to change his schedule before. I don't know. All I know is my girls are off to college and I am glad to be out of the rat race of K-12.
    Sharon, mother of identical twin girls with scoliosis

    No island of sanity.

    Question: What do you call alternative medicine that works?
    Answer: Medicine


    "We are all African."

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    40
    Ah thanks for the giggle and support girls.

    It gets even better....my son's girlfriend came over last night and added more steam to the story. She went up an hour after us and only need her books and waited 3.5 hours! So, the protocol was, after we finally would have seen the counselor from waiting 2 hours, we then needed to take our red ticket we were given (from one of the previous tables that once your schedule is cleared gets stamped so you can go to the bookstore) and give our number from it to the next table and wait to be called. Which could have taken another 3.5 hours given that's how long his girlfriend waited. I imagine there were many phone calls yesterday as neither my husband nor I could get through to reach anyone to lodge our complaint. I think they will be rethinking this system. Sounds to me like some micromanaging control freak is on a power trip!
    *Jen
    Fusion surgery with Dr. Chang May 7, 2013
    Pre-T:50 L:48
    Post-T:20 L:0
    Degenerative disk disease through spine and neck with bulging disks as well. Spinal cord deformity in the area of C5-6.
    {On the road to a lifetime of forever with a back not holding me down!! Vacations, playtime with the kids, adult excursions! Life is moving forward not holding me back }

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