I'm frustrated. I just need to vent and know there are others here that know what I am going through.
In 2004 I had my first surgery fusing my spine form somewhere around T-3ish to my L-4. Surgery went great, I was a million times better, running, biking, exercising regularly- everything was amazing. 2010 comes and I have a pain I can only describe as Earth shattering. After a year trying to figure out what's wrong with me and 15 doctors refusing to see me due to past surgeries, I found a doctor who would see me. He tells me I fractured my L-5 so bad that every doctor that looked at my x-ray thought my L-5 was actually my L-4 AND L-5. I went in for surgery in 2011, he fused the area L-5 to S-1 and made things better, I thought. The pain continued, it never stopped. I continued to complain of pain to him so I saw a pain management specialist and got shot after shot in my spine that did NOTHING. 2012 comes and I have surgery again to fuse my pelvis because Dr thinks that's the problem. Great... still I have a ridiculous amount of pain and now I am leaning forward and can't understand why I can't stand straight. It hurts to walk more than 2 minutes, I can't stand long enough to walk my dog, I can't go for nice walks on the beach with my boyfriend, I just hurt and hurt. Last week I go in for my annual and I find out my surgeon is out until September so his assistant sees me. He gets the x-ray and bam, why do I still hurt? I broke a rod, my fusion didn't complete AND I have "flat back syndrome". WHAT THE HECK IS FLAT BACK SYNDROME? Doc says flat back syndrome is caused by Harrington rods puling my spine into a straight line which is causing my head to lean forward. Now I have excruciating pain that I've been masking with every pain medicine known to man kind, a broken rod and flat back syndrome. Doctor says it's okay, we can do surgery. Again I don't want it! I have to have it. I go in tomorrow for major extensive reconstruction tomorrow morning and I'm scared. I'm tired. I can't handle the pain. I need help. I'm 25 years old. Why am I so unfortunate to go through all of this? Everyone says "oh it's so sad you're so young I'm so sorry" and the pity parties make me sick. I don't want people to know how I feel or feel bad for me that I feel this way, I just don't want to feel this anymore. This will be #4 major surgery, #6 going back into my back. 2 of the surgeries caused issues- 1 bad infection and 1 the screw came out.
Someone, please tell me this will be the last time. I'm a teacher now. Every summer since I got my degree I have spent in a hospital bed. I want to start a family. I want to get married. I want to continue my degree. I can't with all of these continuous surgeries. I'm not sure how much more I can handle.
In 2004 I had my first surgery fusing my spine form somewhere around T-3ish to my L-4. Surgery went great, I was a million times better, running, biking, exercising regularly- everything was amazing. 2010 comes and I have a pain I can only describe as Earth shattering. After a year trying to figure out what's wrong with me and 15 doctors refusing to see me due to past surgeries, I found a doctor who would see me. He tells me I fractured my L-5 so bad that every doctor that looked at my x-ray thought my L-5 was actually my L-4 AND L-5. I went in for surgery in 2011, he fused the area L-5 to S-1 and made things better, I thought. The pain continued, it never stopped. I continued to complain of pain to him so I saw a pain management specialist and got shot after shot in my spine that did NOTHING. 2012 comes and I have surgery again to fuse my pelvis because Dr thinks that's the problem. Great... still I have a ridiculous amount of pain and now I am leaning forward and can't understand why I can't stand straight. It hurts to walk more than 2 minutes, I can't stand long enough to walk my dog, I can't go for nice walks on the beach with my boyfriend, I just hurt and hurt. Last week I go in for my annual and I find out my surgeon is out until September so his assistant sees me. He gets the x-ray and bam, why do I still hurt? I broke a rod, my fusion didn't complete AND I have "flat back syndrome". WHAT THE HECK IS FLAT BACK SYNDROME? Doc says flat back syndrome is caused by Harrington rods puling my spine into a straight line which is causing my head to lean forward. Now I have excruciating pain that I've been masking with every pain medicine known to man kind, a broken rod and flat back syndrome. Doctor says it's okay, we can do surgery. Again I don't want it! I have to have it. I go in tomorrow for major extensive reconstruction tomorrow morning and I'm scared. I'm tired. I can't handle the pain. I need help. I'm 25 years old. Why am I so unfortunate to go through all of this? Everyone says "oh it's so sad you're so young I'm so sorry" and the pity parties make me sick. I don't want people to know how I feel or feel bad for me that I feel this way, I just don't want to feel this anymore. This will be #4 major surgery, #6 going back into my back. 2 of the surgeries caused issues- 1 bad infection and 1 the screw came out.
Someone, please tell me this will be the last time. I'm a teacher now. Every summer since I got my degree I have spent in a hospital bed. I want to start a family. I want to get married. I want to continue my degree. I can't with all of these continuous surgeries. I'm not sure how much more I can handle.
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