Upsetting Dr. Appointment - Considering Canceling Surgery - Advice Please

[Confusedmom]

To me, the surgeon's skill is much more important than his bedside manner. I would be most concerned about the confusion about your procedure. Bottom line, if you're uncomfortable with him, find someone else. You have got to have the utmost confidence in your surgeon or you will second-guess yourself the rest of your life.

As for the question of being active, I'm only 40 and just got fused T4-sacrum. I have young children to s
raise, plan to go back to work eventually (that depends on the kids, not the surgery), and am even considering adopting another child. So, yes, I would say plan to be active after fusion!

[titaniumed]

I don’t know Dr Errico, but I have to say he has a great webpage.....

This guy is an alpha male. A pioneer, master, a genius. If things are not perfect, flowers wont bloom.

Try adding some water.

Tell him you picked him because you feel that he is the best scoliosis surgeon on the planet and see what happens. He will soften up immediately.

I don’t think you need to switch surgeons. You just have to see eye to eye, just listen and don’t ask too many questions.

I had a few bumps in my hiring process also, but I knew my surgeon was the best and that’s what matters.

Men are from Mars.....

Ed

[jrnyc]

Ed...don't ask too many questions...????
with a life changing surgery like that, i would NOT want a surgeon with whom i could not ask all my
questions (pardon my grammar)...
i always felt Dr Lonner would answer and answer until his patients felt comfortable....
honestly, it is not about not trusting a surgeon...it is about allaying a patient's fears and making
them feel safe...

i do not like ANY doctor who will not answer questions freely....
i learned the hard way with Lyme Disease...and with the cancer my mother had...

jess

[rohrer01]

So if we're female, we need to shmooz our male doctors to get them to be friendly and consistent? C'mon Ed, seriously? You are joking, I hope. Anyone can have a great webpage. You can be fooled by the glitz. I'm not saying he isn't a great doc, I know nothing of the man. I have some serious reservations about not being consistent with what he told her initially about the procedure. Did he even have HER file, or someone else's?

[mabeckoff]

I totally agree with Roher. I asked and still ask Dr Bederman all of my questions. How can someone have this kind of surgery and not have many questions?

[titaniumed]

The questions can roll forever....we do it here on this forum. I could ask 1000 questions that would take 3 months to answer correctly....not every surgeon wants to do that. I think that’s why I was told to go online and learn as much as I could. You also don’t want to go in with a list....its...sigh...not an easy thing to do and can happen with the “alpha female” surgeon......

UCSF holds the scoliosis conference every year, and the surgeons down there answer questions “all day long”.
You don’t get all day long at any doctors office....How long do you get? 15-30 minutes? Its impossible to make a decision in such a short period of time....

Communication is a difficult thing. Especially with medical terminology amongst us bunnies....Maybe some of the surgeons that have done this for 40 years get tired of the interview.....like Karen mentioned....

Yes, I agree that each patient needs to feel comfortable with their surgeon but its impossible to ask all your questions as they arise. If you keep reading here, or online, you will come across all sorts of new things that you will wonder about. There are also questions that a surgeon will not know how to answer. Examples are with Cancer, and ALS..... I guess that could be pretty frustrating. I saw that myself.

The hiring process is not an easy thing to do. Surgeons are human, and do have a ton of stress. That’s another subject, another thread. Achieving perfection....their goal, sometimes is difficult.
Ed

[jrnyc]

No
i was not suggesting a patient go in unprepared, espcially when ready to schedule the surgery, set the date...
one would think that questions would have been answered by the point of the pre op appointment...
but if they have not...i was suggesting that after a patient has read books on scoli, like Wolpert's, etc., done
research on the internet, etc...if there are questions left about their OWN procedure, they need to be answered...
in a decent manner...that is exactly what every patient deserves...
i doubt any patient is unrealistic enough to expect the surgeon to stay there and answer their questions all day long, or for
days at a time...
i do believe patients have a right to have their specific questions about their own surgery answered directly...
the patient can take a pen and paper to write the answers down so as not to forget and re ask them, or bring a recorder, or a friend...
questions a patient has and that have not been answered deserve to be addressed before patient and surgeon
head into the operating room!!!
otherwise, i think the patient would be uncomfortable, unsure, untrusting, and would be better off with a different
surgeon...
no one is expecting any doctor to be a saint...just a good surgeon...
and...if the doctor has done a lot of the same procedures before, i would think he might be able to guess ahead of time
which questions he did not cover and should answer before the consent forms are signed...
that is, assuming the surgeon is holding the right file for the patient sitting in front of him!

on the walls of some doctor offices now, there is a poster that says "Do you need any medications?
"Do you understand your treatment?"
"Do you have any questions about your treatment?"
i think anyone scheduling life changing major surgery at least deserves the answers to those questions...

jess

[rockycarm]

I just read your post and I can only imagine how upset you must feel. It is so important to feel that not only are you making the right decision about having the surgery, but that it will be successful. I am not sure which other doctors you were thinking of. I saw Dr. Lonner and liked him alot, but only had one visit with him, and the same with Dr. Boachie, although insurance issues might prevent me from pursuing him.

My question is to many of you out there who have had the surgery as adults. I will have to be fused from T-3 to sacrum and am aware that the recovery will be long and hard and may take up to a year. But after that time, will I be able to work a full-time job, take care of myself as a single, independent woman of 54 years of age? Maybe I am missing posts, but I have not read much about people going back to work full time and maintaining active lives. I have read alot about returning to activities and learning to live differently - but it seems most of the adult scoli surgery patients are retired. I hope I am wrong, and would love to hear some positive feedback.

Comments like what Dr. Enricco said are the reasons many of us are so afraid to commit to surgery. We know it will only get worse with age, and that it will be a more difficult surgery, but we so need to believe and know that we can live productive lives after it. Any feedback from any one out there would be so helpful and appreciated. Thank you.

I terrik, in response to your question about returning to work. I have read many of these posts and have found that many do also go back to work which has given me too the courage to proceed with surgery 5/16 Boachie. I am 53 year old woman who too will be fused from T something (not sure) to sacrum - seeing him on Monday and will find out for sure. I remember going to my first visit and saw a woman who was there for her 5 month visit and I was told she just returned back to work! She looked terrific! Me and my husband felt so good after that like wow maybe this will work. So now I am biting the bulllet and scheduled, preparing mentally, with plans of returning within 5 months godwilling. If it is a little longer so be it but I have spoken to many people who are living very active lives often better than before. Good luck with your decision.

[timetofaceit]

Terrik --- I totally understand your concerns about what life will be like following surgery. I am fused T4-Sacrum, yesterday marked the 3-month mark since my surgery, and I have been back to work since the six-week mark! Granted, I only work 8 a.m.-12 noon, but I'm back at work nevertheless. Check out my blog if you want more info. I was extremely nervous prior to surgery and have found that the anticipation was much worse than the actual surgery and healing. It is so fun to hear people say how great my posture is and how straight I stand. With God's help, you can climb any mountain!!!!

[YB1125]

Hi, I know how confused you are feeling now. It is beyond stressful finding the right surgeon, it can be very frustrating when things don't seem right, feel suspicious.
I had to back up from a surgery recently too, not because the Doctor was not nice or helpful.. but because once I was ready to move forward with surgery and asked for referrals, he wasn't able to provide it, which put a big red flag there for lack of experience..

If I was told I would have best surgeon, best results but not good bed manner I would still go with surgeon as long as once its over I will go back to normal with excellent outcome, I guess I would be willing to bare the rest. Website mean nothing though.. ask for referrals with same condition and see what you get.. ask the referrals about the Doctor behavior..
In real life, no one have guarantees, trust your gut and if you have to make the painful decision and move on, find the strength to do so.. though it sucks I know!

Make your well being first choice always and everything will fall into place


All The best, always!

[rockycarm]

Terrik --- I totally understand your concerns about what life will be like following surgery. I am fused T4-Sacrum, yesterday marked the 3-month mark since my surgery, and I have been back to work since the six-week mark! Granted, I only work 8 a.m.-12 noon, but I'm back at work nevertheless. Check out my blog if you want more info. I was extremely nervous prior to surgery and have found that the anticipation was much worse than the actual surgery and healing. It is so fun to hear people say how great my posture is and how straight I stand. With God's help, you can climb any mountain!!!!

Sherrie, WOW thank you so much for your inspiration. I loved your blog and was so impressed by how far you were at 5 weeks time. You have given me something to look forward to. I hope too to feel that peace you felt before surgery. I will continue to pray for you all and ask that you pray for me as well (May 16). Keep us posted with your blog!

[ripley]

Thank you all for the support. I felt that I couldn't go back and would have to cancel after the appointment - It's reassuring to hear it from others too. I agree that skill is more important than bed side manner, but getting medical info mixed up and focusing only on a negative outcome with no reassurance was too much for me. I had only a few specific concise questions for him, that literally took less than 2 minutes. What I really wanted from the appointment was just to see him before surgery for a sort of summary, like a pre-op (which was never mentioned.) His surgical coordinator suggested the appointment since without it, I would have been waltzing into surgery not having seen him in 7 months. She also had me get X-rays which he didn't even look at, even though I asked to have the progression measured (my last progression was 9 degrees in a year and a half.) Canceling is disappointing, but I believe it is the right thing for me. Thanks to all who have replied!

[jrnyc]

i am sure you find the right surgenn for you....
i thnk you are doing the right thing by cancelling and not putting yourself in such
an upsetting situation...problem communicating before surgery would mean what
kind of problems communicating after surgery....

best of luck in your search...
NYC is full of top surgeons....

jess

[rohrer01]

I think you are doing the right thing, too. It's too big of a surgery to take any chances with the mix-ups that he was making right before surgery. Measuring progression at that point should have been a priority, too. I hope you find the right doc. As Jess mentioned, NY is full of top-notch surgeons.

Best Wishes,
Rohrer01

[Confusedmom]

I agree. You need 100% confidence in your surgeon. You are doing the right thing. And when you do cancel, I hope you tell them why so maybe it won't happen again with another patient.