So here I am less than 3 weeks away from surgery. If ever I had a doubt about whether or not I was doing the right thing by undergoing two back to back surgeries and spending two weeks in the hospital, that doubt is long gone.

This morning, after donating my last pint of blood for my upcoming surgeries, I went to work and felt a little twinge in my legs and lower back - nothing alarming or even too painful...I just knew it was there. Well by 9:30 I was having difficulty bending and my low back started to really hurt. I could barely bend down to take the leg rests off of my patients wheelchairs (I work in rehab) and by 10:30 it became visibly noticeable to my coworkers that I was in severe pain. This is the exact course of sudden and intense pain which prompted me to seek out (by seeing 4 orthopedic surgeons) what was going on with my back in June of last year. My L4-L5-S1 discs are herniated and wafer thin - hence the nerve pain like I'm being stabbed with a butcher knife in my low back. By lunch time I was biting my lip and telling myself "don't cry at work, don't cry at work, hold it together!" --- next week was to be my last day (according to MY plan) - seems God has a different plan and as a result my last day was today. I am in excruciating pain...can not move without stabbing pain in my spine - and the thought of feeling like this for another 18 is too much to bear....I don't have enough pain meds to get me thru til the 24th and even after taking them I feel no relief at all. I'm not sure what to do. I can't live with this pain for 2+ weeks.