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September 9th surgery

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  • I like this: "I'm so glad you're here, could you help me w this..."


    If it is humanly possible for you to say this, and feel it too, it would be a great outcome. If I learned nothing else from my surgery, it is that people WANT to help if they possibly can. I would be giving them that "useful feeling" if I was you and perhaps the visit will be a success all round.

    Best of luck Melissa!
    Surgery March 3, 2009 at almost 58, now 63.
    Dr. Askin, Brisbane, Australia
    T4-Pelvis, Posterior only
    Osteotomies and Laminectomies
    Was 68 degrees, now 22 and pain free

    Comment


    • i think that was rohr's idea...to ask for some help from melissa's
      family when they visit, rather than just try to be hostess, when you are in so much
      pain....
      and rohr...i get a lot of help from the SI joint injections now...
      i have many days now when i take zero pain meds...
      i am so grateful for these shots....and amazed that we found they work, just
      by accident! for some reason, i do not have withdrawal symptoms when i go
      without meds...thank goodness!
      and...thanks for the kind words, but i've never been a psychologist...i'm a retired social worker....
      i just try to offer the best ideas i can think of....
      also, i try to look at things from first a patient's, then a social worker's
      point of view...

      melissa, i hope you can find a therapist to talk to....insurance should cover it....
      it is so nice to have a place to talk, say anything you want to or need to,
      to be listened to and heard....a therapist can be objective when you need
      them to be, but also be on your side, compassionate and understanding...

      jess

      Comment


      • I am with my family so I will get back to you when I get a chance
        Melissa

        Fused from C2 - sacrum 7/2011

        April 21, 2020- another broken rod surgery

        Comment


        • I hope you are helping them to feel really useful and helpful.
          Surgery March 3, 2009 at almost 58, now 63.
          Dr. Askin, Brisbane, Australia
          T4-Pelvis, Posterior only
          Osteotomies and Laminectomies
          Was 68 degrees, now 22 and pain free

          Comment


          • This is been a nightmare of a visit
            Melissa

            Fused from C2 - sacrum 7/2011

            April 21, 2020- another broken rod surgery

            Comment


            • Originally posted by mabeckoff View Post
              This is been a nightmare of a visit
              Oh crud, Melissa. I'm so sorry. Please, please, PLEASE - speak up for & protect yourself by not overdoing. Can your husband not step in? You deserve better from all at this time.
              Mom of 14yo son diagnosed Oct 2011
              Surgery 1/3/12 w Dr. Geof Cronen,
              Tampa General Hospital T3 to L1
              Jacob's pre surg curves: T58 & L31 12/28/11
              photos & xrays in "First-Time Surgery" thread "Before & After"

              Comment


              • Originally posted by LSKOCH5 View Post
                Oh crud, Melissa. I'm so sorry. Please, please, PLEASE - speak up for & protect yourself by not overdoing. Can your husband not step in? You deserve better from all at this time.
                it is not so much that I am over doing it. My MIL is helping. I cannot stand this man who my daughter is with. He is verbally abusive to her
                Melissa

                Fused from C2 - sacrum 7/2011

                April 21, 2020- another broken rod surgery

                Comment


                • Is it possible to get you daughter alone and have one of those special mother-daughter talks about abuse and self-esteem? Point out the fact that abusers tend to isolate their mates from their families. Since they're not married, yet, it's not as difficult to get out of the situation.

                  I hate to see my children make bad choices, too. Unfortunately we can't make choices for them anymore. But we can still give advice, whether they follow it or not.

                  Maybe you can put her significant other to work doing something heavy and out of sight. Ask him to rearrange your storage unit (assuming you have one), send him off with the guys, bind and gag him, or something that will get him out of your hair for awhile! LOL
                  Be happy!
                  We don't know what tomorrow brings,
                  but we are alive today!

                  Comment


                  • Melissa, can't imagine having that happen w your daughter, what a nightmare. Good idea about talking self esteem & isolation from Rohrer. Adding my thoughts, let her feel all love from you, so as not to give him ammo to isolate her further. Are any of you calling him out (whether gently or blatantly) when he belittles her?
                    Adding all of this to your prayers. Here's to hoping she sees the light and her worth. (And yay re MIL's help!)
                    Mom of 14yo son diagnosed Oct 2011
                    Surgery 1/3/12 w Dr. Geof Cronen,
                    Tampa General Hospital T3 to L1
                    Jacob's pre surg curves: T58 & L31 12/28/11
                    photos & xrays in "First-Time Surgery" thread "Before & After"

                    Comment


                    • I agree. If you can show her she's loved and still has a home to come to, she might see the light. The worry is, what he's doing to her in front of you is probably his watered down normal behaviour, so it's important your daughter feels supported so that she can make a break for home, if she makes the decision to leave.

                      So glad your MIL is helping.
                      Surgery March 3, 2009 at almost 58, now 63.
                      Dr. Askin, Brisbane, Australia
                      T4-Pelvis, Posterior only
                      Osteotomies and Laminectomies
                      Was 68 degrees, now 22 and pain free

                      Comment


                      • I am so scared for her . He has told her that in NC and CA it is legal to drink at home in you are under 21. Her teeth are yellow as he will not take her to the dentist. She needed new glasses last spring and he will not take her to get them. She will only eat humanly treated animals and he will not pay the extra money for them. She has gained so much weight because all he buys is garbage food. She has not asked me once how I feel. She has told me that until I visit her in NC, she will not be back here. She does not care that I cannot sit that long to fly to NC or that I sleep in a hospital bed. This is their last night here and they are in their room together,instead of being with us.

                        Dr Bederman has given up on me. I did not think that he would but he has no ideas to help me. He is hoping that the fibro doctor will help me but I do not even see her until April. I am in constant pain 24/7 and there is nothing that can help me.
                        Melissa

                        Fused from C2 - sacrum 7/2011

                        April 21, 2020- another broken rod surgery

                        Comment


                        • Things seem very bleak for you Melissa, but I'm sure Dr. B. hasn't given up, though perhaps he can't do anything further until the appt with the fibro doctor in April. I feel your fibro is your biggest problem right now. If you could relieve your pain, everything would seem better.

                          I feel that once your daughter and MIL have gone, and you can get some good sleep, your fibro pain will begin to settle. It's just awful that you're going through this terrible time with your family. It MUST be making your pain worse.

                          Your daughter made her decision to be with this man and since he clearly doesn't have her interests at heart, you can only hope she comes to her senses. I know this is hard, but you need to put her out of your mind, once she's gone, and try to relax and settle those jangled nerves. You can't help anybody in this condition. Get yourself fixed, then worry about your daughter. It's a bit like in an emergency on an aircraft, they tell mothers to put their oxygen masks on first, before putting masks on their children. There are good reasons for that.
                          Surgery March 3, 2009 at almost 58, now 63.
                          Dr. Askin, Brisbane, Australia
                          T4-Pelvis, Posterior only
                          Osteotomies and Laminectomies
                          Was 68 degrees, now 22 and pain free

                          Comment


                          • melissa, gonna write to you privately...

                            jess

                            Comment


                            • Melissa, I feel really bad for you right now. There's one thing that you have to remember about your daughter is that she's an adult and she's made the choices that have got her where she is. It may take some time for her to realize her bad decision, but if we could turn the clock back to our own youthful days, how many of US would make MAJOR changes? Life is a learning experience. As long as you can keep the lines of communication open to her, then she will always know she can come to you. Until then, maybe it is best that she stay in NC for the time being, as hard as this may be to you. The reason I say this is because she brings her abusive man around, who apparently has no concern for anyone's welfare but his own. This creates a TON of stress for you. Stress brings on muscle tension which brings on pain. I know you love your daughter. I love my kids, too. But I have some kids who aren't leading a lifestyle that I approve of. It's easier for me, personally, having them out of the house, as I'm not constantly reminded of "what could happen if..."

                              Is there any way you can ask to get on a cancellation list for the fibromyalgia doctor? What ever happened with your shoulder, is that still bothersome, too? I'm assuming that you aren't getting the proper pain meds to manage your pain because you are still hurting so badly. I'm afraid that if you are getting the pain meds, you may be falling into the pain cycle. Dr. McIntire described this quite well for me when I was discussing my pain and some of the very heavy medications that I was on. If you want to look through and read about it, it is under the non-surgical section with the thread name, "I have some imaging CD's". You may find that helpful to understand what is going on. I'm not at all implying that you should try to reduce your meds intake. I would leave that up to the doctors. But it sounds like your whole nervous system is out of whack. That's why I asked if you could get on a cancellation list.

                              Anyway, I'm hoping that the stress of all of the company will ease up when they all leave. If you're anything like me, you don't even want any visitors at all when you don't feel well. I get grumpy and irritable feeling even when well meaning friends show up for support. It's okay in very small doses like, "Hey, I just stopped by to see how you were feeling and ask if there is anything you need, and I brought you this 'whatever' to cheer you up." Then they leave. I can't imagine a whole herd of family coming at once. Although, I would probably appreciate it if it were MY family. But they just don't come when I really need them. I'm used to it. My mom offered to let me recover at her house if I have surgery, but that's three hours away from my hubby, so I don't know what I'll do IF that day comes. Here I go talking about myself again. I guess it's just because I'm empathizing with you and trying to imagine how I would feel in your shoes. Of course, there's no way to really know. But I do care all the same. Cry if you need to, laugh when you can, and enjoy the people you love that are always there for you.

                              BIG gentle ((((hugs))))
                              Rohrer01
                              Be happy!
                              We don't know what tomorrow brings,
                              but we are alive today!

                              Comment


                              • Thanks everyone who answered. My daughter is leaving today and I am glad. I do not know if I will go to the airport or not. I really just want to sleep which is most likely what I am going to do. I am very sorry that she came. I feel that I was better off not knowing the real situation.
                                Melissa

                                Fused from C2 - sacrum 7/2011

                                April 21, 2020- another broken rod surgery

                                Comment

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