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Thread: "poor self-image is common, and the majority do not marry", your thoughts?

  1. #1
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    "poor self-image is common, and the majority do not marry", your thoughts?

    source: http://members.optusnet.com.au/physio/scoliosis.html

    I'm a 38-y-o guy, I've never had the right mind for marriage, at least that's what I've always told myself, but maybe subcounsciously my back/looks play a bigger part than I thought... I'm just wondering how true this statement is, what's your view/experience?

  2. #2
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    There are plenty of us that are married. I suppose if you are very self-conscious you might shy away from women. But it has been my experience, as a woman, that men have never been NOT attracted to me because of my deformity. I even tried to scare my hubby away from marrying me by showing him my x-rays! I have a girlfriend who has a severe deformity and can't wear 'regular' clothes and she has been happily married for over 30 years. I guess it's an individual thing. I say if someone really loves you, they love you despite any physical problems you may have. BUT, on the other hand, if you are shy as a result of your scoliosis, I can see how you would have a hard time meeting women. Just my thought. Maybe others out there that feel the way you do will chime in.

  3. #3
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    Where did this guy get his information? I'm a little offended by the statement that, "The majority do not marry." I have not found this to be true. I understand that some people are self-conscious, including myself, but my self worth isn't based solely on my physical appearance. I'd bet if you took an unofficial survey, you would find that most of us DO marry.

  4. #4
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    Hi...

    There's no reference for the quote about marriage, and I don't believe it's correct. I believe that research has shown that only very large curves affect marriage rates.

    --Linda
    Never argue with an idiot. They always drag you down to their level, and then they beat you with experience. --Dilbert
    I'm sarcastic... what's your super power? --Unknown
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  5. #5
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    the author says on the bottom of the page that the concepts are those of the writer...his opinions...and that is all!

    i see many...if not most...of the people on forum who are above age 22 seem to be married...or divorced...

    i think this guy's opinions are based on no facts whatsoever...

    and anyone with low self esteem might be slower to date or marry...
    but one rarely sees self esteem so low that it causes extreme social isolation....

    jess

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by jrnyc View Post
    i think this guy's opinions are based on no facts whatsoever...
    "I'm shocked, shocked there is gambling going on in this establishment."

    There is nothing to prevent any "genius" from regaling us with their "ideas."
    Last edited by Pooka1; 04-06-2011 at 06:24 AM.
    Sharon, mother of identical twin girls with scoliosis

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    Question: What do you call alternative medicine that works?
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    Your sarcasm precedes you. ;-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by rohrer01 View Post
    Your sarcasm precedes you. ;-)
    Gracias.

    Sarcasm is, of course, the highest form of humor known to man.

    Hey, want to see another hilarious horse race call (in addition to the other one I posted on the other thread)...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgSZL...e_gdata_player
    Sharon, mother of identical twin girls with scoliosis

    No island of sanity.

    Question: What do you call alternative medicine that works?
    Answer: Medicine


    "We are all African."

  9. #9
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    "poor self-image is common, and the majority do not marry"

    I just don't believe that statement one bit and am guessing those with scoliosis who don't marry has more to do with general poor self-image and not so much to do with the scoliosis itself. But I don't have scoliosis and have for the most part have felt okay with the way I look/am and I know as a woman I could care less if a man who has scoliosis and would have absolutely no issues with it. On the other hand, I have a thing about teeth, I'm grossed out by bad teeth or even just being greasy looking overall. I'm attracted to men who are clean, interesting and with a sense of humour who are fun to be around. Scoliosis isn't on any of my turnoff list but that's just me.
    Last edited by Elisa; 03-12-2011 at 01:28 PM.
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  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pooka1 View Post
    Gracias.

    Sarcasm is, of course, the highest form of humor known to man.

    Hey, want to see another hilarious horse race call (in addition to the other one I posted on the other thread)...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgSZL...e_gdata_player
    By the way, this can't be an actual race because Thoroughbred names can't be more than 18 letters (including spaces). It's still hilarious, though.
    Sharon, mother of identical twin girls with scoliosis

    No island of sanity.

    Question: What do you call alternative medicine that works?
    Answer: Medicine


    "We are all African."

  11. #11
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    The author of that article may have read "Long-term psychosocial characteristics of patients treated for idiopathic scoliosis" (J Pediatr Orthop. 1997;17:712717, Noonan KJ, Dolan LA, Jacobson WC, Weinstein SL). This was a 1997 study relating to women who had been treated with the Milwaukee Brace and surgery, which claims that there is a lower marriage rate amongst women with scoliosis.

    I doubt that the difference in marriage rates is significant though. I know a lot of people with scoliosis and kyphosis, and pretty much all of those over 30 are in solid long-term relationships or are married, including those with very severe curves. This includes a couple of people with curves over 150 degrees. There are a few who are single but this number is comparable to friends without scoliosis, there's no difference really.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by tonibunny View Post
    I doubt that the difference in marriage rates is significant though. I know a lot of people with scoliosis and kyphosis, and pretty much all of those over 30 are in solid long-term relationships or are married, including those with very severe curves. This includes a couple of people with curves over 150 degrees. There are a few who are single but this number is comparable to friends without scoliosis, there's no difference really.
    So it's just me who can't stand being around women then :-)) I'm sooo glad my back is not playing tricks to my subconsciuous... ;-))
    I must say I have no probs wearing swimsuits or going to the beach, but that statement just made me think a bit, that's all I suppose.

  13. #13
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    I have come across people who are extremely distressed by the way they look, to the point that it affects them psychologically (I help run the UK forum, and occasionally we have people sign up who are really in a mess about it and need help). You sound very normal though *smiley face* Plenty of people with straight spines lack confidence and plenty of people simply don't want relationships.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alistair View Post
    So it's just me who can't stand being around women then :-))
    Look there is no reason to beat yourself up over this. There are people who don't have interest in the opposite sex. I could name some famous people in that category if it helps.

    My horse also has no interest in mares. He is at least ambiguously gay and might be actually gay. It couldn't matter less to me.

    I am not saying you are gay. I am saying that lack of interest in the opposite sex or interest in the same sex is how animals (humans being animals) are born and it doesn't matter one way or the other.
    Sharon, mother of identical twin girls with scoliosis

    No island of sanity.

    Question: What do you call alternative medicine that works?
    Answer: Medicine


    "We are all African."

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by tonibunny View Post
    The author of that article may have read "Long-term psychosocial characteristics of patients treated for idiopathic scoliosis" (J Pediatr Orthop. 1997;17:712717, Noonan KJ, Dolan LA, Jacobson WC, Weinstein SL). This was a 1997 study relating to women who had been treated with the Milwaukee Brace and surgery, which claims that there is a lower marriage rate amongst women with scoliosis.
    Hi...

    I don't currently have access to all my good search tools, but I think this is the study that was later found a big difference between patients with small and moderate curves, and those with very large curves.

    --Linda
    Never argue with an idiot. They always drag you down to their level, and then they beat you with experience. --Dilbert
    I'm sarcastic... what's your super power? --Unknown
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Surgery 2/10/93 A/P fusion T4-L3
    Surgery 1/20/11 A/P fusion L2-sacrum w/pelvic fixation
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    If you've signed up and are having trouble posting, please check your spam folder. An email was sent to the email address which you subscribed. You have to follow the instructions in that email. Done that and still having trouble posting? Contact Joe O'Brien at jpobrien@scoliosis.org.

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