I have been so careful this time. SO CAREFUL. Not to bend, not to lift, not to lean...

Tonight I felt the "Pop" again. The one that means a rod has broken. Maybe I have mistaken it...it's happened twice before...and its exactly what it felt like before, a POP, numbness, then scraping feeling. My lifts make me feel uneven, and changing positions send an "electric shock" feeling down my spine.

We were supposed to find out if I had fused properly in less than 1 month. In less than one month I was supposed to be cleared to move on, to start a family. All I can think of is "NOT AGAIN." Pain, I can handle, but putting my husband through this again? Stopping my life AGAIN, no trying for kids for ANOTHER year?

Sorry to be so whiny...I just don't know what to do or say at the moment. I am trying not to cry, my mom came down from the twin cities for a belated mother's day visit, and my husband has been so awesome in this. But...can I do it AGAIN?