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Thread: Just need to whine and vent a little

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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Oklahoma City, OK
    Posts
    71

    Just need to whine and vent a little

    Today has been a particularly bad day. I don't know if things in my back are beginning to change quicker or what's going on, but in the last month the pain has grown exponentially. Honestly, I'm scared to death. I just never, never expected to be in this situation. My life has always been so average. I've always fallen in the "normal" category of everything. This is not normal and I'm having trouble wrapping my head around it.
    The way the pain is increasing, I just wonder if revision is in my near future rather than my distant future. I haven't seen the neurosurgeon for the second opinion, but I know my body and I've done enough research that I think I know the score. IF that is the road I need to take, I have timing issues that I have to take into consideration when I schedule the surgery. Because I work for a state senator, my job is dependent on who gets elected. My current boss, who is great, is term limited so I will have to find a ďnew daddyĒ, as my friend and I put it. Hopefully the person that wins the senate seat my current boss holds will pick me up, but there are no guarantees. I absolutely can not afford to be off work after October with the election in November. I need to be in a position to interview and plead my case that Iím the best person for the job and not have to explain that at some point in the next year or so Iíll need several months off for a major surgery. Also, I cannot be off work any time January through May because thatís when the legislature is in session and itís our busiest time of the year. If, God forbid, I do not get hired by a senator or representative, I will be without a job and without insurance. The thought of that scares the living daylights out of me! With all that said, if I decide that surgery is the best option for me, I have to really take into consideration the timing of it.
    My husband isnít terribly excited about additional surgery. Itís not that he doesnít want me to feel better, heís just afraid of the potential complications that are present with any surgery, especially a spine surgery of this magnitude. I am too. Terrified actually. But I think Iím less afraid of the possible complications than I am the idea of being in this much pain the rest of my life and stooping over. I also think he feels Iím trying to rush into it, but Iím just trying to have a plan in place and be prepared for all possible scenarios. Iím hoping to have his support no matter what I decide. He will be my primary care giver and I will have to have his help. He is an attorney with his own law office. No partners no associates. So taking off work for him poses quite a problem. Iím guessing thatís a major factor in his reluctance but I have no doubt if itís decided surgery this summer is the best option, he will take great care of me.
    My mom is REALLY not in favor of another surgery. Like my husband, sheís scared. But she also believes in natural healing, reflexology, homeopathy and all that jazz. Sheís a very important part of my life, a best friend. We talk every day, discuss everything. I just hope sheíll come around no matter what is decided.
    Iím not as efficient in my job as I need to be, Iím not taking care of business at home like I need to (laundry, keeping the house clean, cooking, yada yada yada), Iím not even being a good ďwifeĒ, bless my husbands patient heart. Iím trying so hard to pretend everything is fine, but when I get home from work, all I want to do is go to bed. Last night, I did lay down when I got home and cried for a while. It was very therapeutic. I was having a bit of a pity party and thinking about all the things I canít do but want to. Then I got to thinking about what it WILL be like when Iím pain free. How will it change my life? This has been a part of my existence for so long I canít remember how to function without get through the day without compensating. Iím almost scared. Does that sound crazy to be afraid to live life without pain? Great, I think Iíve gone nuts!
    I really really apologize for the horribly long post. I have wonderful friends that sympathize with me, put itís just not the same as venting to people that truly understand what itís like. Thanks everyone for being patient!
    Becky
    51 years old
    Married 28 years
    3 kids ages 23, 21 and 17
    Fused T-10 through L-5 June, 2008
    Developed junctional kyphosis, flat-back and sagittal imbalance
    Revision Surgery June 27, 2011
    Fused T-4 thru S-1 with pelvic anchor screws
    Take 2 revision October 15, 2013 to locate source of continued pain
    Pseudoarthrosis at L-3, 2 screws removed

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Sunshine Coast, Queensland, Australia
    Posts
    3,261
    I am so sorry things are so difficult for you Becky. We all have horrible times in our lives, but these times often preceed much better times because it's during the horrible times that we change the course of our lives for the better.

    Sending you gentle cyber hugs!

    Jen
    Surgery March 3, 2009 at almost 58, now 63.
    Dr. Askin, Brisbane, Australia
    T4-Pelvis, Posterior only
    Osteotomies and Laminectomies
    Was 68 degrees, now 22 and pain free

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Indianapolis, IN
    Posts
    416

    Wink

    Becky,
    I really do understand how you feel. Scared to stay put and scared to move forward. I have been living in your shoes right along with you and have cried too. It is so difficult to see your body deteriorate right before your eyes. It's almost like an aging process. My job has suffered too in that I cannot put the effort in that I should. Like you I haven't been aable to enjoy things the way I used to. I really hope you can find some answers and make some decisions. You shouldn't have to live this way, you are too young!
    May 2008 Fusion T4 - S1, Pre-op Curves T45, L70 (age 48). Unsuccessful surgery.

    March 18, 2010 (age 50). Revision with L3 Osteotomy, Replacement of hardware T11 - S1 , addition of bilateral pelvic fixation. Correction of sagittal imbalance and kyphosis.

    January 24, 2012 (age 52) Revision to repair pseudoarthrosis and 2 broken rods at L3/L4.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    43
    Hi,

    I feel for all of ye. I just cant believe that you and napster have just had the original surgery a few years ago and are facing major revision, surely the surgeons who did the original fusions should take responsibilty for the problems ye are now facing.

    I hope that your revision surgery goes well and I am sure it will judging by the results from surgery on the flatback support group.

    If I was in your situation I think I would get the surgery done as soon as I can because this kind of thing does not go away on its own unfortunately.

    I just hope that my original fusion holds out for as long as it can ( had it done 15 years ago now) and I wont need revision but given the fact that I still have a large curve and the instrumentation was removed I dont think it looks too promising.

    Good Luck
    Amanda

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Chicago north suburb
    Posts
    774
    Quote Originally Posted by felix999 View Post
    surely the surgeons who did the original fusions should take responsibilty for the problems ye are now facing.
    I think itís just downright shameful for any surgeon to ignore their patientís concerns over a seemingly failed surgery.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Oklahoma City, OK
    Posts
    71
    Thank you all so much for the replies and support! Even if no one had replied, it felt good to just get it all out into the universe!

    I am so reluctant to approach my original surgeon about all this. He truly has the attitude of "I did what I said I would do. If there's problems, let's put a bandaid on it and maybe it'll go away." I have lots more to say about him, but I know for a fact he scans the forum for comments and I'm still waiting for my records from him. I don't want to do anything to slow them up. Besides, I'm trying to look forward and not backward. Some days that's harder than others, but I'm tryin'!

    Again, thank you all for your support. You are an amazing group of people here and I just don't know what I would do without you all!
    Becky
    51 years old
    Married 28 years
    3 kids ages 23, 21 and 17
    Fused T-10 through L-5 June, 2008
    Developed junctional kyphosis, flat-back and sagittal imbalance
    Revision Surgery June 27, 2011
    Fused T-4 thru S-1 with pelvic anchor screws
    Take 2 revision October 15, 2013 to locate source of continued pain
    Pseudoarthrosis at L-3, 2 screws removed

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Oklahoma City, OK
    Posts
    71
    I was posting a reply in a thread about sleeping on your stomach in the Surgical (First Time) section and it triggered a thought. When I was right around 12 months post op I was discussing my posture problems with my original surgeon when he made a suggestion. He suggested that I try sleeping on my stomach. He thought that might push my shoulders back and help the "mild kyphosis"! Can you believe that?!?!?! I had completely forgotten about that little tidbit of wisdom until just now.
    Becky
    51 years old
    Married 28 years
    3 kids ages 23, 21 and 17
    Fused T-10 through L-5 June, 2008
    Developed junctional kyphosis, flat-back and sagittal imbalance
    Revision Surgery June 27, 2011
    Fused T-4 thru S-1 with pelvic anchor screws
    Take 2 revision October 15, 2013 to locate source of continued pain
    Pseudoarthrosis at L-3, 2 screws removed

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