My wife's surgery is 3/15/10

[TobyT]

I have been lurking here for sometime. You guys are awesome! My wife is scheduled for March 15th. Have learned so much from you guys. I think I have the post op stuff down pretty good. Even considering getting here one of those recliners that has the remote to almost put the chair in a standing position. She/we quit smoking. Yeah!!!

My/our problem seems to be more of an issue of her worrying about ME, she is killing herself trying to make things as easy as she can for me for when she comes home. Believe me, I got this! I am remodeling our den and turning it in to a master bedroom suite, easy access and all that stuff..... saved up a month of vacation to be with her.....blah blah. Any ideas how I can get her to focus on herself and and to relax and enjoy the pre-op days as best she can?

Just a ramble...I am sure I will post something more coherent soon.....who am I kiding I am sure I will start have tons of questions that only my mind would ever think of.

Thanks for all the help ya'll have already given without even knowing!

Toby

[debbei]

Hi Toby,

I don't know that you'll be able to do that. You have to realize, her worrying about YOU is taking her worry off of HER. You're doing all the right things, just keep it up. The months before this surgery is SO stressful. You keep a mental countdown of the days in your head and think....this will be the last time I do 'fill-in-the-blank' until surgery. You wonder if you will come OUT of the surgery. You wonder if you will be fully funcitoning....it's hard not to think about these things with such a serious operation.

You said that you've learned so much. Has your wife been reading up on us too? That's the most important part of preparing yourself....getting informed.

Good luck,

[ADMoul]

I'm on the other side of that scenario--I'm the patient and I worry about my husband and all that he'll have to do while I recuperate, besides being by himself in NY since it's way out of town for our family and friends. It does help to get my mind off my own situation to think about him and what he'll be dealing with. I hope I can be a good patient. I am used to being active and doing it all--this will be a huge change for me. You're doing everything right. I should get him on the forum so you two can chat. Just keep focusing on the fact that after all the hellish stuff is over with, your lives together are going to be so much better.

[LindaRacine]

Hi...

I think Debbei hit it right on the nose.

[MitoMom]

Hooray to stop smoking!

I am much impressed at both of your commitments to each other through this journey. It will make your marriage stronger.

Congratulations on giving up smoking! That will help her heal faster.

If she's that concerned about you have her make up some meals in advance to put in the freezer. Just pop it into the oven and dinner is made.

Have her show you how SHE likes the laundry done.? And take good notes because she will do it different than you. It will impress her that you are doing it "her" way when she's healing.

Does she have a schedule for cleaning the house? Some women do, I don't but I have friends who clean house in a ritual fashion. Take note of that. I'm guessing she will probably go into a hyper "I've got to clean" mode before hand because she knows she won't be bending, lifting or twisting afterwards. If she goes hyper, do it right along side her.

Keep busy.

[Singer]

Building a master bedroom suite?? Toby, you definitely have my vote for Husband of the Year...!

I also agree with Debbe. Most of us went into overdrive trying to get our houses, spouses and kids ready for this surgery ....it comes with the territory. Anyone facing this surgery is dealing with a situation that's full of unknowns, so it's a relief to stay busy with things that you CAN control.

[naptown78]

Toby!

Hi Toby,
I had to reply to this as this is a topic near and dear to me. After my surgery, my husband was there for me 24/7/. He stayed with me in my hospital room, the nurses made a cot for him. After I went home , he was there to get my medications to me as my thinking was so foggy due to my pain medications! Just knowing he was there to care for our house, make my meals (even though I didn't want to eat), pay the bills, help me shower, take out the trash, feed the dogs, etc , was everything to me!!! These were all things I was unable to do for several weeks and I could count on him. It's just the simple things your wife will love you for. And when her emotions are down, you will be there to encourage her ;-)
Good Luck to you both......