Embarassing question

[debbei]

Hi Everyone,

I have my first 'second opinion' with Dr. Neuwirth tomorrow, and my second 'second opinion' with Dr. Boachie on 6/5.

I know I'm jumping the gun here, as I don't even know what I need yet, but in the middle of the night, when I can't sleep, strange thoughts and worries just pop into my brain. I figured if I can't ask you guys, who else would I ask? Here goes--

after fusion, after you're all healed up and feeling better, how on earth does sex work? I just can't figure out how it would be any good for me or hubby if I can't move a little. Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I hang from chandeliers now or anything, but still.... Dr. Dumbell (my first opinion who I'm never going back to) said that I'd need to be fused from T5 down.

Thanks again.

[nora b]

Hi Debbe,

I'm fused from T-6 to L-4, not quite to the sacrum, and can say from personal experience that creativity and an understanding partner can add up to very good sex. Not to say that it was easy figuring that out. I was pretty scared at first to even try, and was worried that I'd move in a way that would damage me somehow. Being both a PT and yoga teacher helped me to know my body and to understand the limitations caused by the fusion, but still, it was pretty daunting.

It is a bit less spontaneous when your mind is figuring it all out and may be concerned about pain or broken hardware, but I can't stress enough how important it is to share all of this with your partner. Your husband may also be worried that he will hurt you so working it out together may put both of you at ease.

Hope this helps,

Nora

[Singer]

My husband and I played a lot of Scrabble for a looooooong time......hahahaha......

If you do a Forum search on "sex" or "intercourse" you'll get some interesting information from previous discussions. My surgeon's office provided some printed information (complete with pictures) about returning to sex which we found unintentionally hysterical....but in actuality turned out to be kind of useful.

Yes, everything's different after this surgery. Not necessarily worse, just......different.

[Rach84]

Debbei

Let me just say thank you for asking. I know my future has surgery in it and I am still in the process of figuring out when I should have it done.I have thought about this very question because I am only 23 and newly married and well, I hope this part in our life can be restored. I'll be checking back to everyone’s response.

-Rachel-

[txmarinemom]

Here goes--

after fusion, after you're all healed up and feeling better, how on earth does sex work? I just can't figure out how it would be any good for me or hubby if I can't move a little. Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I hang from chandeliers now or anything, but still.... Dr. Dumbell (my first opinion who I'm never going back to) said that I'd need to be fused from T5 down.

LMAO ... I just had a conversation with some on this topic earlier today!

Trust me, debbei ... you'll figure it out, you'll adjust, and it'll be fine.

It can be extremely frustrating the first few times, and particularly early after surgery. You tend to forget how recently your surgery actually *was*, and (at least I know I did/was) do things that hurt (habit) and then get bummed over it.

Quite frankly, the first few times (±7 weeks post-op) had me convinced I'd never be able to, um, "perform normally" again. Reality is, that was silly ... I simply wasn't healed. I still have to be careful, but it's MUCH better than it was. I just hit 14 weeks yesterday, and I have no doubt it'll get even better.

(Talk about late night thoughts ... mine involved having to explain to my surgeon how I screwed - no pun intended - up my fusion!)

Regards,
Pam

[debbei]

Hi Debbe,

I'm fused from T-6 to L-4, not quite to the sacrum, and can say from personal experience that creativity and an understanding partner can add up to very good sex. Not to say that it was easy figuring that out. I was pretty scared at first to even try, and was worried that I'd move in a way that would damage me somehow. Being both a PT and yoga teacher helped me to know my body and to understand the limitations caused by the fusion, but still, it was pretty daunting.

It is a bit less spontaneous when your mind is figuring it all out and may be concerned about pain or broken hardware, but I can't stress enough how important it is to share all of this with your partner. Your husband may also be worried that he will hurt you so working it out together may put both of you at ease.

Hope this helps,

Nora

Hi Nora,

I have already mentioned this fear of mine to my husband, and he is being very supportive, saying we'll figure something out. I know we won't be able to right back immediately after surgery, and I can live with that, it's just I worried that it would never be as good afterwards.

Thank you Nora for your response. It has helped a lot.

[debbei]

My husband and I played a lot of Scrabble for a looooooong time......hahahaha......

If you do a Forum search on "sex" or "intercourse" you'll get some interesting information from previous discussions. My surgeon's office provided some printed information (complete with pictures) about returning to sex which we found unintentionally hysterical....but in actuality turned out to be kind of useful.

Yes, everything's different after this surgery. Not necessarily worse, just......different.

Thanks Chris, I did the search this morning on 'sex' and didn't find anything, but just tried the other search and found some as well. I see I wasn't the first to ask. I am sure my hubby and I would also laugh at the instructions, but I guess it's something we'll need.

Thanks again for your response.

[debbei]

Debbei

Let me just say thank you for asking. I know my future has surgery in it and I am still in the process of figuring out when I should have it done.I have thought about this very question because I am only 23 and newly married and well, I hope this part in our life can be restored. I'll be checking back to everyone’s response.

-Rachel-

Good luck to you too Rachel. Let us know what happens.

[debbei]

LMAO ... I just had a conversation with some on this topic earlier today!

Trust me, debbei ... you'll figure it out, you'll adjust, and it'll be fine.

It can be extremely frustrating the first few times, and particularly early after surgery. You tend to forget how recently your surgery actually *was*, and (at least I know I did/was) do things that hurt (habit) and then get bummed over it.

Quite frankly, the first few times (±7 weeks post-op) had me convinced I'd never be able to, um, "perform normally" again. Reality is, that was silly ... I simply wasn't healed. I still have to be careful, but it's MUCH better than it was. I just hit 14 weeks yesterday, and I have no doubt it'll get even better.

(Talk about late night thoughts ... mine involved having to explain to my surgeon how I screwed - no pun intended - up my fusion!)

Regards,
Pam

I guess it's only natural to worry about this part of your life. I have to tell you, you look absolutely wonderful. I've looked at your pics this last week or so and am amazed by how well you seem to have handled the surgery. I can only hope to do so well.

Thanks for your response,

[Geish]

Being fused to the sacrum is not the end of the world! I was surprised at how well everything still works. Somethings not quite as well as others but I promise you it will all work out just fine! I am fused from T4 to the sacrum and can honestly say that I have no complaints, you just need to be a little patient and experiment. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about fusion to the sacrum and how this all works. Good luck.
Alicia

[Chihuahua Mama]

Geish

If you don't mind, I was wondering who your surgeon was? I see your in Southern Cal, and imo he did a pretty nice job on you!

[Geish]

My surgeon was Dr Ganocy. He works for Kaiser Hospital on Sunset in Los Angeles. I swear he is a miracle worker. He told me I was his new poster child and he shows off my xrays to the other surgeons because no one can believe the correction he got on a 46 year old. I still can't believe the difference myself. I am stunned every time I look in the mirror. If you have Kaiser Insurance I recommend using him. I would go back to him in a heartbeat.

[CHRIS WBS]

I have to agree with C Mama; your surgeon did do a pretty nice job on you. I notice too that you do not have all those god-awful screws up and down the entire length of your spine. It looks like your surgeon used hooks in your thoracic spine and reserved the big screws for your lumbar levels. Did he explain why he chose to use hooks instead of screws?

Chris

[Geish]

He didn't say why the choice of hooks over screws, but I do know I have 12 pedicle screws and 8 hooks so it still seems like a lot to me. Thank you both so much for the compliments. I am growing to love the back and the great scar more and more each day. I show the scar off as much as I can.