Major breakdown- HELP!!!!!

[KJUNGRL2]

OMG! I am having a major breakdown this morning. We went to New Orleans yesterday to do all the pre-op clearance, the lung dr., the bending and traction x-rays. All that stuff. The last appt. was with her surgeon. He went over all the details of the surgery. She will be fused from t-3 to t-12. Then came the time to sign the surgery consent. That was hell...... You always know in the back of yor mind what can haooen with any type of surgery, but hearing it, was not a good thing.
I am just full of emotions right now. I am second-guessing our decision. I jsut don;t know. I mean who am I to decicde the rest of her life for her???? Because this undoubtly will be affecting her for the rest of her life.

[myachingback]

I am second-guessing our decision. I jsut don;t know. I mean who am I to decicde the rest of her life for her????
You are the best one to decide out of everyone on this planet. You who loves her and only want the very best for her. You do your best and let GOD take care of the rest.
I bet she'll be just fine and kick old scoli's backside!
Y'all are in our prayers, never underestimate the power of prayer.
Chris

[KJUNGRL2]

Thanks! I know in my heart it is the right thing. It is still though just so hard. She is taking it really hard, which makes it even worse on me. Idunno! I just have so many thoughts and emotions running through me right now. i don't know how to handle it!

[gillespie]

We have not been given our surgery date yet but I as well had a break down the night before we went to see the surgeon to put her on the list. I think your feelings are normal. I feel in my heart that this is the right thing to do and Danielle wants this but it is very scary and it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I will be thinking of you. I am sure everything will be fine. I have learned throughout my husband illness to take one day at a time. Take care and best of luck
Catherine

[KJUNGRL2]

Thank you! I know God will take of us and guide us, we just have to follow! that is the hard part...lol!!

[Pooka1]

I found, just by observing, that my daughters tend to pattern their approach to this business after mine.

After I became convinced that we had no better option than surgery, and after I acquainted myself with the risks, I was on board and going forward with as much confidence as I could. Two days before the surgery when it was time to sign the paper, I was fine with it though my husband volunteered to sign and I let him. I'm not sure why he did that but I was okay with it.

I wanted to get that and the surgery over with by that point. I never showed any trepidation and I never noted any trepidation on my daughter's part though I'm sure she had some.

We had a few months of digesting this and going over why the decision was a good one. By the morning of the surgery, we were all pretty calm and confident. I was very relieved to see my daughter so calm and confident.

I think the thing with us was that both my daughter and I took ownership of the situation. I realized we had no choice so I wasn't going to fight it. My daughter realized that also. That's how I would describe it.

I imagine it would be hard if you weren't sure surgery was necessary. I think I would have had trouble going in if I thought that.

Good luck.

sharon

[flowerpower]

Hi,

I got choked up reading your posts b/c I was once in that place and remember all too well the rollercoaster of emotions. My sons surgery was planned 5 mos. ahead of time and I cried every single day and night. Having to make these kinds of choices for ourselves is hard enough, its twice as hard when you are helping decide for someone else's life, your precious child. I questioned our decision, even though I knew in my heart we were doing what we had to do. I questioned what might happen if we put off surgery and let him make the choice as an adult. But my son understood he needed surgery and it would be in his best interest to have it sooner rather than later. The weeks leading up to surgery are the hardest, not much can be done about that. Keeping busy with preparations, friends, activities can help occupy the mind. The week before surgery I did finally feel at peace with the decision to move forward and then just wanted it to be over with and let recovery begin.

Once surgery is over and you know your child is ok the relief you feel is so immense. This is a major surgery but remember how low the complication rate is for kids - the skills of these surgeons is amazing. I wish you all well and pray for successful surgeries and recoveries.

Renee

[KJUNGRL2]

Thanks guys! I do talk positive abotu it in front of her and try not to show any emotions other than that! She is just not ok with this, and there will be no chaging her mind. I know that she needs it, and prolonging it would be just that. i just need to learn to deal with it for me! I can;t keep going like this!!!! lol!!

[vndy]

I have told some other moms this, but I'm going to repeat myself. I wish I had surgery as a kid, when my parents could have been more involved. While they still did everything they could, it was hard to deal with signing those papers myself, and returning to my apartment. Please know you are doing your child a favor by making this difficult decision for them and facilitating it so they don't have to do it themselves later, when there are bills, work and other "adult-like" obligations!

[Pooka1]

One thing I forgot to mention...

The thing that really helped me get 1000% on board was the first visit with the surgeon about two months before surgery. The guy just exuded the most self-possessed confidence I have seen since I met the head of a Fortune 100 company. Those guys are another species of human. :)

It felt like turning a corner after that visit. Like a load off. I just focussed on my confidence in the guy and that made the situation very tolerable. My daughter picked up my vibe that I have confidence in the guy and so she did. She really never cracked at all although I can imagine she was scared. Brave kid.

Again, good luck.

sharon

[JamieR]

I think VNDY brought up a good point about the pros to having surgery young. I work with a girl the same age as me and she had surgery when she was 14 years old. She kept telling me how bad she felt for me going through this at this time in my life. She had her parents to help her get through surgery and really no other obligation except to get better. Me on the other hand, I have a job, financial responsibility, and a 4 year old daughter to take care of. I came through it with the help of family and friends but I can tell you it would take a lot of pressure off of me to have a speedy recovery if I didn't have all of these other things to worry about. I think you are taking action at a great time. She will do great, and so will you as a supporting parent.

[Aussiemum]

BE ASSURED BY THIS NEXT LINE..... You will be kicking yourself a few weeks after the surgery for putting yourself through all this stress for NOTHING!!!!

Yes, ANY surgery is a worry when it comes to our kids but she will be fine!

Elysia is now 10 weeks post op and was fused similar T5-L1 - if you look at her now you wouldn't guess in a million years she had the surgery.

I have suffered with my own grim reapers for years with Panic Attacks and Stress and I (as the mum) came through this whole affair with flying colours in the end. I am amazed at myself (and of course my wonderful child) at my own resilieance (sp?) to all of the trauma!!! The worst part of the surgery is DEFINATELY the stress before. You will see!!! I can't wait to read your posts when it's all over and weeks down the track and how wonderful your daughter is doing!!!!! You will be a convert!

Will keep you in our prayers that you can both relax and little and try to think of some fun things to do in hospital. We purchased season 8 of Everybody loves Raymond (we both LOOOVVVEEE that show) and we wouldn't watch it, saved it for when Elysia was in hosptial. We purchased a squishy ball - I purchased little teddies such as Health Angel, Get well Bear and gave all these to Elysia BEFORE surgery as well as New PJ's, dressing gowns, slippers, - it made it all a little more fun! (well as fun as a major surgery can get)

Please check out our blog if you haven't already and see the smiles on our faces for yourself.

Cyber hugs
Del

[KJUNGRL2]

Thanks guys for all the kind words. Today is a LITTLE better!! lol!!!!!! I know in the end it will all work out, but dang! It's getting to that point! lol!!!!!

[Susie*Bee]

The time, especially those last couple weeks, leading up to surgery is really a roller coaster ride, plus! Just take it one day at a time, and try to do some fun things as well as the "busy" stuff that is needed. Get some rest too, as you'll get even busier later on. You'll make it. It's just really hard leading up to it. Part of it is because you have no control over it any of it. We all "second guess" our decisions. I know it must be terribly hard to have your sweet little daughter be the one having surgery... Once the surgery happens, you'll be able to once again take over control of things, in a sense. Then you can kick it all into high gear taking care of her. You'll see-- it will be like Del-- Aussiemom-- says. It will just continue to get better and better. In the meantime, just remind yourself of what vndy said... it's much easier on your daughter now than it would be even just a few years further down the road.

With that being said, let me also say, from a mom's heart, that I am feeling for you. I have 3 grown daughters, all of whom never took things calmly as some people's children do. And one of them was especially emotional and dramatic when things went wrong... It is like the end of the world was happening at the drop of a hat. If your daughter is dealing with this like that, then just count the days and do your best. Once the surgery happens it should hopefully be ok, but it's still possible that she'll be resentful for awhile. You just have to keep telling yourself over and over that you are doing what is best for her. Try to be upbeat and point out how great it is that she'll be taller and straighter, and not have to deal with the issues progressive scoli brings. Encourage her by telling her how much she is getting better, how you're proud of how hard she is working, etc., in those beginning days of recovery. Every little bit of encouragement will be needed. I remember how it seemed hard work just to lie in bed those first couple of days post-op. As long as you are being supportive and encouraging and loving, you'll do a wonderful job. And if it is unpleasant in these next few days leading up to the surgery, remember you're the parent, she's the child. You have to act (unfortunately!) responsibly even when/if she's being very childish. It's not easy to be a parent! :eek: If you need to vent or cry, this is a good place to share. Hang in there!

[KJUNGRL2]

With that being said, let me also say, from a mom's heart, that I am feeling for you. I have 3 grown daughters, all of whom never took things calmly as some people's children do. And one of them was especially emotional and dramatic when things went wrong... It is like the end of the world was happening at the drop of a hat. If your daughter is dealing with this like that, then just count the days and do your best. Once the surgery happens it should hopefully be ok, but it's still possible that she'll be resentful for awhile. You just have to keep telling yourself over and over that you are doing what is best for her. Try to be upbeat and point out how great it is that she'll be taller and straighter, and not have to deal with the issues progressive scoli brings. Encourage her by telling her how much she is getting better, how you're proud of how hard she is working, etc., in those beginning days of recovery. Every little bit of encouragement will be needed. I remember how it seemed hard work just to lie in bed those first couple of days post-op. As long as you are being supportive and encouraging and loving, you'll do a wonderful job. And if it is unpleasant in these next few days leading up to the surgery, remember you're the parent, she's the child. You have to act (unfortunately!) responsibly even when/if she's being very childish. It's not easy to be a parent! :eek: If you need to vent or cry, this is a good place to share. Hang in there!


That is so her. She makes it so much harder becuase of that! Thsi weekend she is having a big thing with her friends and they are al lgoing ice skating tomorrow night. A last throwdown before the big day. sO hopefully that helps to lift her spirits.
My 8 year old son is also taking things hard to. All the attention has been on his sister and not him. SO I defiantely need some ono on one time with him here soon. AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Susie*Bee]

I wondered. I think a lot of parents don't understand that some kids go sort of hysterical over little things. :eek: And it's not because we don't try to stabilize things. They just run the gamut of emotions-- definitely not "even-keeled" kids! Just hang in there and get through the best you can. And if it's any consolation at all, all three of my girls are wonderful young women now. They got through that stage ok-- and I survived to tell the tale! :rolleyes: OK, the one still gets emotional easily, but that's just part of a person's personality... and she doesn't "lose" it anymore. So there's hope. ;)

I hope the ice skating thing goes well. That's a nice way to spend time with her friends. And yes, it's a rough time for the whole family. Your son may be feeling pretty resentful. Maybe some other parents out there who've gone through similar situations will have some suggestions. Good luck!

[Pooka1]

My two daughters and I were sitting in the orthopod's office listening to report on the new x-rays. When he said Savannah needed surgery, she didn't get upset but her twin, Willow, started crying uncontrollably out of concern for Savannah. In fact she never managed to gather herself the rest of the time in the office. The orthopod was extremely cool about it and never commented; I'm sure he's seen stuff like that before.

Willow finally managed to stop crying sometime later, in the van on the way home. The two girls are very close but I can't say as I've ever seen a reaction like that before out of either one of them. I was glad when Savannah remained calm in the face of it.

I'm hoping that if Willow progresses to needing surgery she will not fall apart given all the time now digesting that possibility and seeing Savannah's great outcome and hearing Savannah saying she was glad she had the surgery. I sincerely hope that.

[KJUNGRL2]

Well she is definately my Drama Queen of Queens! lol!!! :D She does nto take well to stuff liek this!! lol!!
The ice skating went great! A bunch of her friends showed up, and about 5 of them came home to sleep. It was so nice t osee her happy, even for just that little while!! These next few days are going to be heck! My last day of work is Thursday. WE have to go to New Orleans Fri. to do all the pre-admit stuff, and then Monday morning is the big event! YIKES!!!!!!!! :eek: I don't know how I am going to get through this! (see where she gets it from :p )

[Susie*Bee]

You made me laugh! It's going to be ok-- the main thing is it's going to be over SOON!-- and then you can build from there. Kids bounce back quicker, in general, so she'll probably be doing fine fairly soon, but will need to take it easy some... And you'll be the great mom that you are. Don't worry!

I was thinking about you on my way to PT this morning (a 45 minute drive) and thinking it's one week from today-- and wondered how things were. Yes, this is a very hectic time for you-- just know you'll be able to handle it ok.

[sparklegirl59]

dang, I WILL be praying. don't u worry. :) u can also pm me ANYTIME u would like 2.

[ecnw]

Having to make "adult" decisions sometimes sucks! Trust me, having had my own surgery & my daughter going through hers, it's the best thing. I think the worst is the sleepless nights at the hospital till they're home, oh those chairs are so comfy, not! You're picking a good time of year to do it, she can take the summer to recoup, no rushing off back to school (I assume your not year round).
Good Luck,
Emily

[KJUNGRL2]

Thanks guys!! the closer it gets, the worse I get. My poor husband last night had to endure a major breakdown. Thsi sucks so bad! I can't wait until the surgeon is walkign in and telling us it's over and everything went great!!!!

[rtremb]

I am thinking of you and your daughter, hoping you find peace in your heart and mind in the coming days. This has all been so sudden for you both.

Ruth