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View Full Version : the emotional side of scoliosis



scoliodancer
02-10-2008, 07:41 PM
:( hey everyone. i am looking for support as far as the emotional aspect of the condition i guess i'll call it goes. when i was first diagnosed last summer, i didnt really care about it. i was like, "o well its not serious" and i just sorta figured it was no big deal and forgot about it.

now i realize it is a big deal and i get really upset sometimes. i always say "why me?" and i just wish i could be "normal". im dreading summertime. im afraid that i'll wear a bikini to the pool and everyone will see my spine and ask about it. i know i shouldnt be ashamed of it, but im afraid. im in seventh grade and kids are really harsh on each other. i just want to know that other people are going through this too, that im not alone.

my friends know, and they try to be sympathetic. they always say "i understand" but im like "NO YOU DONT!!!" they dont have it so they cant understand. i just would like advice on how to deal with the emotional side of scoliosis. HELP!!!

ElleBelleCurvz
02-10-2008, 07:51 PM
we're here for you 110% and understand what your going thru-its great to be emotional, but I still don't understand the spine issue, my curves are twice yours and no one can tell that my spine sticks out, heck i cant even if i squint-and if people have the nerve to point it out, just stare right at them and tell them "thank you for your concern" and walk away, they aren't worth the tears and emotions. Good luck with the summer!!! :)

scoliodancer
02-10-2008, 08:01 PM
thanks. i know my curves are low right now but im afraid theyre gonna get a lot worse by summer cuz my doctors keep sayin im about to start a really big growth spurt and my curves could increase a lot really quickly. its good to know im not alone. thank you so much for your support.

scoliodancer

ElleBelleCurvz
02-10-2008, 08:16 PM
yeah im here if you have any questions, u can im me at ellachihuahua13 as well...if u have a sn! I had the same issue, but mine didn't grow too much (7 degrees) and i had to get a brace 2-3 months ago, its not too bad, and the success rate is pretty high, hoping for u tho :)

The Slice
02-10-2008, 11:48 PM
Hey Scoliodancer, You're at one of the toughest times in your life - adolescence and that's hard enough to deal with all of the insecurities and so forth without having deal with wearing a brace. It's not going to be easy, but find a way to be comfortable mentally and emotionally with the brace. Once you figure out how to feel good about yourself, you'll be able to deal with the crap from other kids. It will be as the old saying goes, "like water off a duck's back". Just because you are different, doesn't mean that you're not normal. If you take a good look at two of your friends (say both girls), if they are different heights, or have different hair color, or different eye color, does that mean that one of them is normal and the other not? If you broke your arm and had a cast on, would that mean that you're not normal? Learn to focus on what you love, and/or are good at. this will help you deal with the rough times too. I'm a middle aged man who has had many problems in my life and finally, well into my adult years, I started learning how to feel good about myself and some of my accomplishments. It's okay to feel bad about it once in a while that's normal, but it's not good to dwell on it. As I said, you're at a tough time in your life, but you're also at a wonderful time in your life too where kids are so resilient. I'd be willing to bet that there will be many more kids who will have either good things to say, or nothing. Be proud of yourself and keep your chin up. When others ask you about your brace, talk to them. Many of the reactions are because it's something new and different to them as well. If you talk with them rather than whining about the brace, you're likely to find that it's a great way to get support and undertanding. I hope I haven't sounded too rough on you. There's NOTHING wrong with having the feelings you're having, the key is how you deal with them. You can also be very proud of yourself for posting on the forum - you did a great job!

txmarinemom
02-11-2008, 01:06 AM
... i get really upset sometimes. i always say "why me?" and i just wish i could be "normal". i cry at night sometimes cuz i just get so frustrated that nobody understands. im dreading summertime. im afraid that i'll wear a bikini to the pool and everyone will see my spine and ask about it. i know i shouldnt be ashamed of it, but im afraid. im in seventh grade and kids are really harsh on each other. i just want to know that other people are going through this too, that im not alone.

my friends know, and they try to be sympathetic. they always say "i understand" but im like "NO YOU DONT!!!" they dont have it so they cant understand.

A word of advice, kiddo ... if you look for negatives, you'll easily find them. Take a break from the "poor me" persona you're building and work on courage and self-esteem. Only YOU have the right to define who you are, who you CAN be, and whether a smidgen of adversity makes you stronger person or an excuse laden victim.

I think you'd be surprised how many classmates you deem "normal looking" aren't expected to survive cancer through 9th grade ... or how many watch their world fade to black each day, yet still cherish every moment of light before the pitch dark comes at 16? How many spends their evenings after school on dialysis, waiting a transplany that may or may not come in time?

They *look* normal, though - don't they?

I can't tell you how to be courageous ... we all figure that out on our own. One reality check is start with things as small as "I can put my brace ON because I have HANDS".

Mark Twain said it best, I think, : “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear”.

rtremb
02-11-2008, 01:45 AM
Scoliodancer:

If you are worried about the bikini I'd look for a one piece that looks really good on your body. I wear one piece bathing suits because one of my hips sticks out and my waist goes in a lot on one side. If you get the right bathing suit no one will know you have scoliosis...some geometric designs work well. You might have to go to a store that specializes in bathing suits.

If you are feeling really upset try to talk to your parents about your feelings they might have some good suggestions for how to cope. Most of all try to keep smiling - you are only young once.

Ruth

The Slice
02-11-2008, 09:10 AM
Well said Pam, and very true!

scoliodancer
02-11-2008, 05:36 PM
thanks so much to everyone that posted replies. i feel a lot more confident than before. you've really been a big help. now here's some responses to some individuals that posted:

The Slice: you definetly weren't too harsh on me! your words were inspiring!

txmarinemom: thanks! i needed the reality check! i know i am very blessed, and sometimes i just need to take a minute to realize that!

rtremb: thanks for the thought! i'll look for some bathing suits like that. the only problem is that i always wear bikinis, so if i start wearing one pieces people will know somethins up. but o well! now from the responses from all of you, i will have the confidence to tell them the truth!

once again thanks everyone! :)

The Slice
02-11-2008, 11:35 PM
You go girl! Just remember that if they have a problem with you because you have scoliosis, or look a little different, it's THEIR problem. Let people like you for what's in your heart and head, not for what you look like on the outside. That doesn't mean that you can't look good, or be stylish, but people's tastes are different so what may look good to you may be something someone else doesn't care for.

scoliodancer
02-12-2008, 09:30 AM
the slice: i agree completely!!!

Scoli_babii_x
02-12-2008, 01:56 PM
Hi :)
I know exactly what you mean.
I have a boston brace, with a curve of 40 degrees.
Its so hard to cope with, especially at school like if someone bumps into me they're like WOOOAHHH! WHATS THAT?!
I always put on a brave face, but inside im a nervous wreck!
All i can say to help, is be proud of who you are, walk around shoulders back, head high, be confident and soon, you'll fool yourself and be more confident.
Bestof luck
Im always here to chat!

xxx

The Slice
02-13-2008, 09:46 AM
scoli babii, It seems like you need to take your own advice. Do it, don't act it. Why are you getting nervous when someone bumps into you and asks, what's that? Are you doing something wrong? Read what I said to scoliodancer.

camurray63
03-08-2008, 03:01 PM
Hi scoliodancer,

I understand that you may think everyone knows, but I think everyone does not know. I have known my mother-in-law for 25 year and I only found out this month that she has scoliosis. (She is staying with us for the winter.) Back then, Dr.'s did nothing about it. Also, my sister-in-law has it and I never knew that she had it. I have known her for 25 years as well. Now my daughter has it and I am surprised that no one ever told me. I could have been looking for it sooner and not let it get to T33 and L30 before we knew and got a brace for her. My mother-in-law say it's no big deal. She has many other medical problems like diabetes, high blood pressure, heart condition. She even had one of her heart valves replaced with a modified pig valve. So, I guess when she has been through all of that scoliosis is no big deal - for her at least. She is 77. I don't know her curves.