Coming home from hospital... What did you find the most helpful from friends & family

[dusty508]

Surgery is looming for us at the end of this month. So many friends and family are asking me how they can help. It is hard to answer because we have not gone down this road before. What was most helpful to you as a parent? to your son or daughter who underwent the surgery? and to other siblings at home?
It never ceases to amaze me, how many people are reaching out.......
Paul, Ann
Emily -Jan 29 Dr. Dormans CHOP
Geoff-17 , Amanda-15

[vndy]

Here are a few of my thoughts - I'm in a different position, as an adult who had the surgery, however hopefully some of this will translate for your family.

My step mother cleaned, organized and decorated my apartment for the holidays. It was great to come home to a decorated apartment, and "supervising" the organizing made me feel like I had something to do. Maybe invite her friends to decorate her bedroom for when she returns home?

My mother read a lot while sitting with me in the hospital. Perhaps people could recommend/lend you good books. Friends also lent me DVDs, which I really appreciated.

Family members cooked soup and put in in quarts that I froze, and could reheat easily. Soup is still one of the only things I consistently have an appetite for, so there's no such thing as too much.

Once I was home, friends came to visit for one hour chunks. I loved the change of company, but couldn't handle long visits. Only invite friends/family who will be happy sitting and chatting quietly.

I was honestly surprised at how much the prayers of others helped me. It seems like a small thing, and is sometimes hard to ask for but I really felt like I was taken care of..

Best of luck to your family!

[LorDon]

Food, food and more food!

Hi Ann,
The day before Chris went in for surgery, a very good friend of mine stopped by and brought us an entire dinner complete with homemade cookies. I can't tell you how much I appreciated that. I was so touched by her kindness that I burst into tears. I had no idea that she was going to do that and it couldn't have come at a better time. The night before the surgery I could do nothing but cry and to have to focus on cooking for my husband and 4 kids would have been too much to ask! Coincidentally, the day we came home from the hospital another friend of mine brought enough food for 2 dinners. This was a lifesaver. Several more of my friends and family followed suit and it was awesome. The last thing you want to do is think about making dinner when you are physically and emotionally exhausted. Forget take-out because by then, you are so sick of hospital food and/or take-out that you just want to eat something homemade.

I know it's not easy asking friends to make food for you, but perhaps it would be easier to ask family members.

Also, like vndy said, DVD's really come in handy.

I hope this helps!

[Geish]

My response is also as an adult recovering from surgery. I have my 2 teenage daughters taking care of me, ages 19 and 15. It's just the three of us.
Friends have pitched in and have been bringing meals on an almost daily basis, mostly soups but some things that are heavier. My stomach has shrunk and I can only stomach small meals. These meals have been a Godsend.
I already had plenty of DVD's on hand so that hasn't been an issue. I find that I am still not ready to tackle any real reading but would enjoy light, easy to get through books. Something I don't have to think about too much.
I can only take visitors for about a half an hour or so. I enjoy the company, but I almost feel as if I have to entertain them. Low maintenance company is good.
As an adult it is a wonderful gift when someone can come in and do a better cleaning job than my girls would do! Friends have stepped up and offered to do that for me as well.
Anyone willing to take on simple chores like light shopping is greatly appreciated. You may not feel like leaving your daughter's side for a few weeks and supplies will run low. Even someone willing to sit with your daughter while you make a quick trip to the store would be nice.
I have also had friends and family come over and shovel the driveway when it snows. Not that I am driving anywhere, but it sure is nice to know that the driveway is done. They have also been kind enough to bring in a load of firewood on occasion. The simplest things really are greatly appreciated.
I hope this helps.
Alicia

[sccrm08]

Even though I had plenty of help at home having meals brought in was perfect, my family did not have to worry about what to cook and took wonderful care of me. It even got to the point where we couldn't fit anything into our extra deep freezer in the garage. I also enjoyed people coming over and watching TV / DvDs with me...sometimes I just slept, but if I needed anything it was nice to know they were there. Best of Luck with the upcoming surgery.

[Singer]

I have a friend who comes over once every ten days or so just to wash and change the sheets on the beds in my house. This is the one chore my husband never seems to get to and it will be a while still before I'm able to do it.

I have found that when people ask what they can do to help, they mean it, and they are delighted when you ask for something specific. After all, we'd do it for them, right???

Good luck!

[Alma in Alaska]

most helpful from friends--this is funny

I had my first surgery when I was 15yrs.in 1965.I was very active in Junior Olympics and back than we had to stay in a lay down flat position for about 8months and I was going crazy. My parents rented a hospital stretcher from a Funeral Home in town and my boy friend would come over and take me outside and push me up and down the block we lived on ,all of our neighbors would come outside to talk to me. It was the only funny thing about what we had to go through (IN THE OLD DAYS)yall have a lot easier than we did. But I don't mind because I am a better person for what I have gone through ,and the hard times make you strong and you develope more mercy for other. Alma in Alaska