single and live alone

[shegiles]

Hello all.

Thanks for the replies about the positive results of your surgeries. Next question: I'm 33, single and live alone. Can you offer some advice on the amount of help I'll need to bring in post-op and how long I may need it? I understand that everyone's recovery is different, but I'd appreciate some ballpark numbers based on your experiences.

Thanks again.

[LindaRacine]

Hi...

You should ask your surgeon for his/her recommendation. They've been through it with hundreds of patients, so they can give you a good idea of what to expect.

I've known people who have come home from the hospital, and taken care of themselves from day 1. I've also known people who feel they needed help for months. I think the first few weeks are the most critical time. You should be able to get in and out of bed and the shower by yourself. And, you can probably fix very simple meals, if everything is at counter top level. You won't, however, be able to drive yourself anywhere. You also won't be doing any housework, including laundry, for several months.

When friends ask if there's anything they can do, ask them to sign up to spend 3-4 hour shifts, or to bring you small meals.

Best of luck with your surgery.

Regards,
Linda

[nzgirl]

When I had my surgery, I was home alone a lot and it was ok. But, that was because I had people coming and going who could help me. At that time I lived with my parents, so they cooked for me and did chores, but I was on my own a lot of the time.
I would suggest that people don't need to be with you all the time, but if you can get people to help you with the day-to-day chores like washing, cooking etc, you should be ok. Also, having a phone handy and knowing who is avaliable that can come and help out if you need them. There have been some helpful suggestions on this forum about making meals and freezing them ahead of your surgery, which sounds good.
I made sure that I would do one thing at a time. Like I would have a shower, and then go back to bed in my robe, then when I was feeling better I would dress. Then after a while I would go do something else. It's manageable if you break stuff down.
Also, I would suggest stock up on things that you may need, I really didn't like going out to the shops because of the possibility of being bumped into by a shopping trolley! You can always get people to help with groceries, or get home delivery!
Don't be afraid to ask people to help, I'm sure you would do the same if the situations were reversed.
You'll be good. A bit of preparation and planning goes a long way.

[dianeh]

Single and living alone

Hi shegiles,

My husband took 3 weeks off and his mom came for about 4 more weeks. I would not have been able to be alone for the first 6 weeks because they had trouble with my pain medication. I had been taking Vicodin 4x/day for 6 months prior to the surgery so I had developed a tolerence to it. Since every one is different, I would probably have a close friend or relative prepared to stay with you for the first week until you see how you're feeling. I've read on this forum that some people go to rehab for a few weeks- I hadn't heard of that in my area. (CT) My church choir cooked dinner for me and delivered it about once a week which also provided a short visit, although I don't remember most of this. I had the VNA coming 3x/ week to check on me. I could walk, do the stairs, shower and go to the bathroom without assistance, but not much else. I couldn't concentrate to read or watch tv. When they finally found medication that worked for my pain I felt so much better. Then I started making my own breakfast and lunch while my mother-in-law was still here to see how much I could do on my own. I'm sure others needed less help than me, but I would not stay alone the first week after surgery.

Good luck!

dianeh

[Singer]

The only thing I would add is, it's a good idea to have someone in the bathroom with you when you shower -- sometimes I get light-headed, and I still need help stepping in and out of the shower.

[rainbow2010]

You will probably want to sleep a lot after you get home. Having someone there when you shower for about the first two weeks is a must! If you have long hair consider getting it cut to shoulder length - that helps a great deal. Also make up a couple weeks worth of meals and put them into your freezer. then if there is no one there to help you, you can just pop it into the microwave! Getting someone to stay with you for a week would help a lot. After that, if someone will come for a couple hours to help clean and do laundry, you may not need someone all the time. Just be ready to accept the fact that you will not be completely back to full energy for at least a month.

[CHRIS WBS]

I had a surgeon say to me, “I see you are single; you know you can’t go through this alone.” So I’m wondering if there are any other single women out there who have simply decided to forego surgery because they do not have a spouse or adult children available to help them. Within my immediate family, my brother is the closest to me geographically, but I do not want him assisting me in the shower or wiping my ass. Thank you very much. My sister who is a nurse and lives in Boston is facing a health and financial crisis of her own, so she can’t help, and my other sister has offered to help me if I can postpone surgery to the summer of 2009 to accommodate her schedule.

I also believe the older you are and the longer the fusion you will require, the more assistance you will need; and you must plan accordingly. It’s also a good idea to plan for the unexpected. What if something goes wrong? Chris (Singer) is a perfect example with her leg impairment. Something like this can prolong recovery, necessitate additional help, and certainly put a drain on your finances if you live alone and are self-supporting, and can’t go back to work for some time. I just think these are things that have to be brought to the forefront before proceeding with surgery if you are alone and with limited means of support.

Chris

[Singer]

CHris -- just had to pipe up and tell you that by the time I left rehab, I WAS able to wipe my own butt -- much to my family's relief...

[Karen Ocker]

I NEVER, EVER had a problem taking care of my personal hygienic needs even immediately post-op.

I believe going into this marathon surgery is best when one goes to it in the best possible physical condition attainable.

[SoonerSonia]

My mom had come to stay with me for three weeks post op. When I got home, she helped me for a few days to get in and out of the shower but soon (within days) I felt strong enough to wash and dry myself. Everything will take so much longer in the shower (shower stool is a must buy) but if you are sitting down, you aren't going anywhere and the worst thing you have to worry about is running out of hot water I could wipe my own butt the first time I went to the bathroom in the hospital, so no worries there. It was nice to have someone bring me water and medicine so I wouldn't have to get up, but it wasn't necessary. The only thing I can think of that you will definitely need help with is changing your bandages. This will be impossible by yourself. If you can get someone to help out with that, bring you some food and do a load of laundry every once in a while, you will be OK.

[trulyaries]

Re personal hygiene - I had a little difficulty for just a short time when I got home. But I had a pair of extra long kitchen tongs from my very first surgery and used them to hold the toilet tissue and reach.
The best comment came from my sister: "I had better NEVER EVER EVER see those tongs in your kitchen." LOL

Shegiles - Do a search on this forum for "Living alone - surgery soon" - there's quite a few suggestions on how to cope. That's only one of several threads that discuss the living alone issue on this forum. Don't let it stop you - good luck.

[Shari]

Hi Chris W,

Having a long fusion and living alone can be a problem. If the only reason you are not having this needed surgery, is the lack of assistance post-op, just breaks my heart.

How far away from the Cleveland Clinic are you? That's where I had my surgery and it's only 3 1/2 hours away from my home. I'm living with my Mother and there's an empty bed in the house. What better care can you get, than from someone that's been through it.

Just a thought!!!

Shari

[CHRIS WBS]

Your kind offer

Hi Shari,

You sure are a sweetheart to make such a kind offer, but I would not think of imposing on someone who already has her hands full caring for her sick mother. I sincerely appreciate your offer though. And thanks for reconfirming the complexity of living alone following a long spinal fusion. I think it’s gonna take a lot more than just freezing meals beforehand and arranging for laundry service. If anyone should know, you should.

Shari, I’ve already made up my mind that if I can ever arrange for surgery, I would go with Dr. Bridwell in St. Louis. I think he’s innovative, cutting edge and he proposed the least invasive surgery for me. And when I asked a surgeon who he would want to operate on him if he had to undergo this surgery, and Bridwell’s name surfaced, well that was the clincher for me. Yes, a lack of support is the overriding factor that keeps me from going forward. But again thanks for your kindheartedness.

Chris

[Shari]

Hi Chris,

Tears were falling as I read your response to me!!! If I misspell anything forgive me.

I'm willing to drive there, to bring you here, afterwards!!!

I know how much pain I suffered before my surgery, and how much better I feel now. I'm not saying that I still don't have some kind of pain, but it's nothing compared to before!!!

I just think it's a shame that many of us are not having this life changing surgery because we can't afford it or we don't have the support system that is needed!!!

Sorry I'm being so persistant,
Shari

[Karen Ocker]

Help after surgery

I had a visiting nurse, covered by insurance, who came to the house after I came home from rehab. If I were alone, she would have come to change my dressing as needed. After my hysterectomy, I had the visiting nurse came on weekends.