View Full Version : Lack of support and scared

05-13-2007, 09:09 PM
I have an upcoming appointment on the 13th of June and i'm kinda scared about it as its my first ever operation. I'm also suprised with the amount of support i've got of friends about the operation. I've had a close friend say he'll be at the hospital with me on the other hand i've other friends say nothing towards me to lift my sprits about the operation. I'm trying to find out as much as i can about the operation itself. I havent come across anything. This forum has come in handy with a few of my questions.

At this point in time i'm really confused and kinda feeling down about this operation. Its driving me insane.

05-13-2007, 09:59 PM
I know exactly how you feel. I'm in a similar situation with surgery coming up for me on June 18th and it too will be my first ever operation. I was doing fine until a few nights ago when I started feeling really down about it for some reason and I couldn't sleep all night. It was awful and it really shows how much of a mental strain this surgery puts on those of us having to undergo it. Try to stay as positive as possible. It's great that you have a friend who will stay with you while you are at the hospital and I'm sure that he will provide you with support. Also remember that you always have all of us here for support as well. I know it's not the same as having the friends that you know in person but I know that it has definitely helped me. I'm sure that everything's going to go well and you will be so happy afterwards once you are straighter and hopefully in less pain if you're in some now. It's all going to be worth it and I'm sure we'll both realize that all this worrying and feeling depressed beforehand will end up being worse than what it is actually like.

If you ever want to talk or need somebody to relate to you can message me any time, I know just how you feel and it's great to have somebody to talk to that actually knows how you feel :)

05-13-2007, 11:03 PM
Its just pissing me off with the amount off people who actually care these days. I have a few people on here thay want to know whats happening when i go back to the Doctors next month.

I'll keep you posted as well. if you want to check out my myspace page or even my email address send me a private message and i'll pass them onto you

05-14-2007, 04:35 AM
Hi Cina, sorry to hear the going is tough. You will have seen that I'm going in for 25 June and Lee is due for surgery on 28 May. So by the time you get to see Peter (presume it's still him?) Lee will be 'done' but I'll still be available to talk etc. Is there anything we can do to help? I will send you a private email.

05-14-2007, 09:43 AM
Yes, sometimes people can be very disappointing with their reactions to surgery. I think we have all gone through that to some degree. It is always disappointing that one of your best friends completely drops the ball and seems not to care at all. I'm in that situation also. I got mad for a while, but honestly, I am focusing on those who do care and are showing it very well. Sometimes people around you that aren't responsive are just as scared as you are. Luckily one of my other friends who I thought wasn't caring told me she was scared and scared to talk about it. Not exactly the reaction I wanted, but understandable nonetheless.

You will be great,

05-14-2007, 09:50 PM
I've only had 3 friends say that they'll be there for me. I have support of 2 awesome people i found through here. Its becomeing more real now though

05-14-2007, 10:31 PM
Dear Cina,

I felt until recently that few of my friends cared enough to want to be all that involved in my healing. But now that the time has come (my surgery is tomorrow) they are coming out of the woodwork, so to speak. I have been talking to so many people who are calling and wanting to help out after my surgery that I'm not getting anything done. Perhaps that will be your experience too. It certainly blew my mind!

I wish you the best,

05-14-2007, 10:39 PM
Thanks for all the help.

05-16-2007, 04:02 AM
I am sorry to hear your friends haven't been that supportive.
The main thing is too prepare your self as much as you can and to relax.

I had my surgery 3 weeks ago and I physically as well as mentally prepared myself as much as possible. Mental preparation is key.

Everything that happened to me in hospital, I knew would, so I never felt scared.

I know I have said it before but the book 'Scoliosis Surgery, Patients Reference Guide' by David Wolpert, which you can buy on this site, everyone should read. It will tell you everything you need to know before, during and after surgery.

I also read 'Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster' by Peggy Huddleston, which takes you through five steps to relax your mind and visulise your healing. The CD that goes with the book puts you into deep relaxation which is how you want to feel in the weeks before surgery and the hours before.

Anyway as usual I have yapped on. But just take advantage of the friends that are been supportive and delegate them roles.

Take good care, don't panic, you will be in good hands.
Keep us posted and write anytime.
Miranda ;)

Linda W
05-16-2007, 07:46 AM
Dear Cina,

I absolutely agree with Miranda's assessment that both David Wolpert and Peggy Huddleston's books should be on your MUST read list. By nature, I am a very practical person and the last one you would suspect of buying a "mind over matter" type of book like Peggy's. However, I am trying to follow Peggy Huddleston's techniques and have even transferred her cd's to my iPod so I can carry them around with me. My surgeon has also agreed to make "healing statements" during my surgeries. I used the relaxation tapes last week before my myelogram, blood donation appointments and on a car trip with my family when my back was really bothering me. On the car trip, my family told me I had actually dozed off and was snoring I was so relaxed!

Friends and family: Yup, some get it and some don't. It is hurtful, but you can't change that. You can hope that eventually they will come around and be there to support you. It is like dating. You need to find the friend or family member who will be supportive and cherish that person. It does not mean your other friends and family members don't love you -- that are just not capable of dealing with your circumstances at this time. After you have read David's book, in particular, give it to one of your family members so they understand the scope of what you are facing. In the meantime, you have ALL of us. Hang in there!

Linda W.

05-16-2007, 10:10 PM
Its a good thing i came across this site. Its been hard trying to talk to people about what im going through. Exspecially for those friends who have no idea what scoliosis is. I jusrt tell them to look it up on the net cos im getting sick of explaining it. One true friend has actually bothered to be there for me. I've come to the conclusion that the other friends are either scared or the just dont care these days. I'm slowly telling some friends about it the operation.

Thanks for all the support peoples. At least the people here know what i'm going through and their caring as well

05-16-2007, 11:07 PM
Hi Jacinta, plese see my new thread re info night on 7th June and come along and meet people and hear Peter speak. I'll look out for you

05-17-2007, 08:35 AM
Hi everyone,

I'm scheduled for A/P on June26 and 27, and I am very scared. I have been getting a lot of support fromm family and friends. BUT the one person who is not supportive, is my mom. She cannot seem to face the fact that I need to do this and this is the best thing for me. I know she is scared for me, but I would like her to say, go for it. My brothers feel that she may never agree with it, but I have to do what I have to do. I feel that I just can't go into surgery knowing that my mom is not happy. I hope that this doesn't effect my recovery.

Thanks for listening - I just wanted to vent a little, since everyone was talking about people being supportive.


05-17-2007, 07:52 PM
Hey RiRi
My mum agrees with me that its better for me to take this operation. I've been told thats its better to have this operation now rather then later. I'm only 20. Its the biggest choice i've made as well.