View Full Version : lost

03-26-2007, 07:40 PM
Does anyone have any advice for those of us who are going crazy? Is anyone else going crazy? I have date of April 16th and the closer the date comes the worse I get. The moment I wake up in the morning marks another day closer. The end of my work, bedtime... just mark the day being over and another day gone. I can't think of anything else except the date. I cry every night, and barely sleep. My relationship with my boyfriend is under so much strain. I never want to do anything or go anywhere - I can't enjoy myself. I feel sickness in the pit of my stomach and I keep getting headaches. I honestly don't know that I can do this. I have a fairly large curve, and an unattractive and prominent rib hump, but very little pain. I argue with everyone. If a friend tells me not do it, I argue all the reasons why now is the only time to do it. If some one tells me I should go through it, I become so fear stricken that I can not breathe, I just cry and cry. How do I know that this is right for me? What pushed the rest of you through? I am embarassed of being me anymore. Thank you for any words.

03-26-2007, 08:45 PM
Hi Azalea,

I know the feeling - I would suggest contacting your doctor. There are some safe anti-anxiety/anti-depression medications that might help before surgery. The way I'm preparing is by keeping very busy, talking to people a lot, thinking positive (I know it sounds corny), and remembering all the positive outcomes that people have had on this forum.

You can PM me anytime if you want to chat.

03-26-2007, 10:09 PM
Hi Azalea-
I had surgery 3 months ago and I know how you feel! Don't think of the surgery date- think instead of a future date several months down the road. You will have a new figure- this "ordeal" will be over with and you will be so glad you did it! Keep focused on the positive outcomes of this surgery. I also had a really large rib hump and it is GONE! I did not have much pain so that was not an issue - so to keep me from getting too worked up over the surgery I tried to focus on how much better my body would look afterwards and how fun it would be to shop for new clothes that I could not wear before. Hope this helps!

03-26-2007, 10:36 PM

You MUST focus on the positive aspects that Cathie pointed out. Plus, you are young and will heal fast. You won't have to end up in the debilitating pain that a lot of us had to endure! Surgery in the last four years took a big stride in advancement (per my surgeon) so you are getting the best technique available. Keep reading the post op comments. You will see a common thread. We would do it again! We are here to help you understand the unknown. We have walked ahead of you down this road and don't mind letting you know how the journey has gone for us. Keep your chin up. Best wishes.

03-27-2007, 02:24 AM
Hi Azalea,

Everyone of us have had the same fears and concerns!!! It's not an easy decisicion to make.

But just remember you are never alone, there are many of us out here that are here to support you and comfort you in any way we can!!!

That's why I joined this forum, and I hope you find the same support that I have over the years!!!


03-27-2007, 04:10 AM
:) Hi Azalea,
I sympathize with you so! I was 100% like you! Luckily for my family,(my kids &all) I had my crying spells when they were all out of the house although sometime at night(sunset was the worse & 4- 5 am) If I could get around those times,I was ok. You honestly can't get away from it. What I did was assure myself I was doing what I needed to have a better life. I prayed much, lived every day & joined friends for lunch, visited my sisters,& mom & travelled with my boys & husband. I had a wonderful, memorable trip with my sisters & mom to Maryland, which we had never done, just the 4 of us. I enjoyed it so & it took my mind off of the scary stuff approaching-kind of.......except...
We went to this lovely restaurant & the lady there said the owners were at the hospital with their little girl who had a rare heart condition & could die at any moment. She was 10. therefore, the lady who was our waitress said she'd be real slow & excuse her. The whole town was helping to run the restaurant. I heard that & went into the bathroom with a few tears. I realized that for a kid to face that & her poor parents by her side for weeks in the hospital, was so much worse than my dilemma, or so it seemed. I decided from then on(end of June & my surgery was Aug. 1st), that I was going to handle this , be strong & determined get thru this.
All I can say, is it has made me stronger, more determined to get what I want in life, & I do believe what my girlfriend said which was: at the end of a huge crisis/problem, there is a present. Like the end of a rainbow!!! I feel I am on the way now to what I want to do & have purpose & enjoy every day & I'm way more happy than I've ever been in my life!!!! So hang in there!
sorry for the philosophy & all but I feel strongly that you will reap some rewards & wisdom from this all.....Love, Lynne :)
check my back pages of my blog.....I freaked out but made it!

fused T-11 to L-5/Boachie/Kim at HSS
aug 1, 2006

03-27-2007, 07:56 AM

Yes, facing this surgery is one of the biggest challenges of my life. But the odds are overwhelmingly in our favor that we will be fine. I think Lynne said it beautifully: that this will make us stronger and able to live our lives with more joy and purpose afterwards.

For myself, I am keeping as busy as possible with things I enjoy, and getting as much exercise as my body will let me. Sometimes I walk for miles, and being physically exhausted helps me sleep much better at night. Also: watch a lot of silly comedies on TV! It really really helps to laugh. I also had to give up caffeine because I just don't need the stimulation, and it's helped a lot.

That being said: there are times when I flip out on my family for no reason whatsoever, and my husband knows I'm a bit strung out and can't help it sometimes. So go easy on yourself!!

03-27-2007, 11:11 AM

I hope this doesn't seem crazy to you. I am a very 'visual' person. I would visualize this surgery in my head as if i were crossing over a chasm on a rickety, wooden bridge. I wouldn't allow myself to look down, but would keep my eyes focused on the beautiful land on the other side where i would soon be. I knew that i'd have some rough times while crossing, but never doubted that I'd make it. On the other side were better days.... when I wouldn't be hurting or walking funny or bent over. There i knew i'd be able to hold my grandchildren and walk with them and laugh and play. I knew that once there, the fright of crossing that bridge would be worth it.

My advice to you is to focus on the end result. Realistically you know that there will be some hard times, wish i could say otherwise, but i'd be lying. But it isn't something that you can't do! You can!! And you are not alone! WE are here and our prayers and thoughts are right there beside you like angels helping you across that bridge.

Love, JoAnn

03-27-2007, 04:29 PM

I wasn't as strong as the rest of the folks that posted here. I already was being treated for mild depression and aniexty disorder. I only took the aniexty medicine when I felt like I needed it. As the surgery got closer, I went back to the doctor and had her give me enough for one each night at bedtime. That way I got a good night's sleep instead of laying there thinking of what was going to happen. With taking the medicine at night, it would help enough during the day, so I only took it at bedtime. You know that if you don't get enough of the right kind of sleep, you can't handle the stresses in your daily life that well. If made a world of difference for me, in fact, it's getting kinda close where I will need to make an appointment myself to go back on the drug for the aniexty.

03-28-2007, 01:55 AM
Wow!!! Another thread with some great insight that is well said by all!!!

Hey Theresa, you're a lot stronger than you think you are!!! There are quite a few of us that have had the same fears and aniexty as you!!! :) And I think that sometimes, fear plus aniexty, (throw in some constant pain) can equal depression!!!

You are obviously a warrior that has gone through several battles. You seem strong to me!!!


03-28-2007, 11:01 AM

You are not alone. Many of us have felt the exact same way before surgery. To tell you the truth, the anticipation I felt during the days leading up to surgery was far worse than actually being in the hospital the morning of my operation. If I can give you just one peice of advice, it's to savor each day before surgery. Try not to allow your fear and anxiety to take over your life. It will be a while before you are able to get out and enjoy your time with family and friends so try to make the most of the time you have with them now. Remember the odds are in your favor that you will have a successful outcome. Try to focus on the positives. Hang in there, it does get better.

03-28-2007, 04:39 PM

Thank you for the kind remark. I needed that!

03-28-2007, 07:39 PM
I appreciate all of your replies. It makes a difference knowing that on top of everything else, I am not crazy as well. I do not know how I am going to pick myself up and take advantage of these days before. Between work, errands, and denial - its hard to find joy. I wish I could press fast forward.
I did ask my dr about anxiety meds, but he felt that either I am ready or I am not - there should be no major anxiety connected. That scares me too, how do you become ready if it isn't something that you necessarily NEED at this exact moment?

03-29-2007, 01:52 AM
Hi Azalea,

This is just my opinion, but I can't imagine any Dr. that really understands what you are about to go through, would deny medication to help you with your anxiety!!!

I was scared to death, and if there is something that can help you, even in a small way, I say why not???

Sure keeping busy keeps your mind off of things for a while, but when you have down times, it's hard to shut your brain off. And that makes it hard to enjoy the time you have prior to the surgery.

And if I had it to do all over again, I would follow some of the advice of other's here, to do something fun!!! Ask your Dr. to give you something to take the "edge off"!!! It helped me!!!


03-29-2007, 10:40 AM

I hear ya - I understand where you're coming from. I had the same anxieties for months prior to surgery. I wasn't sleeping well - had insomnia for about 8 weeks! I was miserable. I tried some of the over counter sleeping aids - they helped some.

Talking about the upcoming endevour and learning as much about it was the most helpful for me. I watched on-line the surgery that took place on a young teen boy in Akron, OH. What an awesome surgery! We are so lucky to be in the hands of doctors with so much technological advances.

Even though at times I felt doubtful, I knew this was the right decision for me. I wanted to start a family and needed to get my body "prepped" for that - so I did it.

Focus on the recovery - I was obsessed with the surgery and spent very little time thinking about recovery. Read about the recovery milestones that everyone goes through - taking a shower on your own, washing your own hair, bending down to shave your legs, putting on your own socks, tying your own shoes, clipping toe nails!! Many, many milestones to think about... :-) It's actually quite comical that these small feats bring us so much joy that we permanently place this weird info in cyberspace forever... :-)

Anyway, I wish you peaceful rest of mind and body between now and your surgery. Focus on the positive, prepare yourself mentally for when you get to the "other" side and prepare your self physically. The more active you are now, the faster recovery you will have.

Good luck - we all here are praying for you!


03-29-2007, 12:30 PM
I had a major panic attack on the wkend before the event...My husband gave me 2 manhattan's(never had one before or again for that matter...) the Sunday evening before my Tuesday surgery....whammo...I was great.
I'm not encouraging anyone out there to drink....but I was good to go after that!!! :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

03-29-2007, 06:09 PM
Lynne might not be encouraging anyone to drink, but I am. I think someone facing a surgery of this magnitude should at least get a cocktail out of it. :p

Just kidding.... :rolleyes:

03-29-2007, 06:46 PM
yea, it was either a manhattan...or I needed a good slap...like in those old movies where Cagney says "ahhhhh snap outa of it, kid".....I decided on the Manhattan..but I needed 2...by Monday(the day before) I was cured...sorta..
By the way, the surgeon's nurse said it was ok to have a few drinks the night before my surgery...she said I was only allowed liquids & that qualified...I stuck with a nice black berry soda & broth(yummy&yuk!) Monday night before....Ly :eek:
fused T-11 to L-5...Boachie/Kim @ HSS/nycity

03-29-2007, 07:29 PM
I can't do this.
I don't know that it is in me. Maybe if I could get all liquored up... but I doubt it, I would probably just have less contral over my cries and screams of terror!