two month post op questions

[jgbphoto]

Hi, I wrote about my 73 year old mom's operation two months ago. She's doing pretty well, but I have questions, especially for people who were a bit older when they had their operations.

Did you experience frustrations with feeling like you weren't able to resume your old activities fast enough? Or with feeling tired a lot?
In Mom's case, she can't load the dishwasher, start it, push a vacuum, get cans out of the bottom shelves. She can bathe, cook to a certain extent, and load a washing machine, just not the dryer, which is closer to the ground. And my dad is domestically challenged, although extremely helpful in many other ways.

Were any of you able to get friends involved in helping with shopping and other chores, including driving to doctor's appointments?

Did you worry about whether the fusing was "taking" or whether you were bumping the screws or twisting?

Was it at all hard to do enough walking? She walks around her house a lot, slowly, and some outside in her yard, but actually going for a walk seems a good while off.

Mom's care network seems a bit thin, or maybe she's hesitant to ask for help outside the family. She gets home caregiving for a few hours a week and I can come two mornings a week. Mainly we help her with chores.

Was discouragement a strong emotion for any of you at this point of healing?

I appreciate any answers from your personal experiences. I think it's going well, but I've never been through it myself.
Thanks,
Laura B.

[sweetness514]

I thinkt she's doing extremely well, and that's not even considering her age. I was 26 when I had my first surgery and didn't do as much as she did, exept for maybe a walk outside everyday.

I was so out of it for the first 4-5 months that I didn't realize how long it took to get back to life, meaning I was in a lot of pain(ups and downs), and I do have a lot of patience. But this last surgery I can relate to wanting to get more things done, and now I did get scared about hurting my fusion or undoing a screw, etc.

I know it's not fun to ask for help, but she's doing very well and with a little organization from her family, things that really need to be done around the house can get done, just not as well as before the surgery but that's ok

Good luck.

[makaylasmom]

She sounds like she is doing great at this stage. I am still getting help with certain things from mostly family members. I still tire very easily, cleaning the house is an all day event for me, as I need to take alot of breaks. For example, I will load the dishwasher, clean off the counters and other misc. kitchen duties and then need to lay down for awhile. Before my surgery, my house was always spotless, and I do mean spotless. Now, I am trying to embrace the "who cares" if my house is not always spotless mind-set. I guess I am learning that it is not all that important anymore. Perhaps getting some family & friends together and maybe alternating helping out would work well. My family does that and it is wonderful, for me they help out with watching my daughter- so that my hubby and I have down time for ourselves. I only grocery shop at Krogers because they load my car for me (wonderful, wonderful people). My hubby bathes our daughter as I cannot bend down to wash her up (she is 2 1/2). It is very hard to ask for help, and maybe she has not approached familly, friends because of this. I had alot of problems at first asking for it when I needed it- but I am okay with it now. I think that your mom is doing great!! She is such an inspiration, my mom always likes to hear about how she is doing- we are just so amazed by her progress and by her "guts" to go thru such an operation. I admire her, please tell her that!

[SandyC]

I was 52 when I had my A/P. It sounds like she is doing pretty good. You go thru a lot of frustration in the beginning. Also if she is taking pain meds (I will assume she is), then she may also suffering from a bit of depression. The depression is normal after this surgery, so an anti depressant may help. For a good two months after my surgery, I needed help just to get in the shower, never mind vacuming. Walking is the best exercise she can do. Even is she just walks back and forth in front of her house, the fresh air will make her feel better. Little by little she will get her strength back....hang in there

[Shari]

Hi Laura,

I'm only 46 and in awe of your Mother!!! And at my age I had all those frustrations. It's hard when you've been independent and active all your life and then suddenly you need assistance to do the most trivial things. The first time I tried to cook, I didn't have the strenght to cut through an onion, and I was devastated over something as simple as that. Vaccuming was out of the question for quite a while.

Being tired is only natural, because I think our bodies are expending a lot of energy trying to heal. And it can be discouraging because we never think we're healing fast enough.

I hope that you can express to her how much we are all amazed with her strenght and courage!!! And even at my age I needed a network of friends and family to help me.

You both have my admiration and best wishes,
Shari

[LindaRacine]

Hi Laura...

It's all completely normal. And, I remember how frustrating it was.

My only advice would be to encourage your mother to go for measured walks every day, twice a day. Tell her that she needs to push herself (only in terms of walking). Start with a block 2X a day, and add as little as one extra house every day. The walking will really help her more than anything else.

Regards,
Linda

[SandyB]

Hi Laura,

I agree with the others; your mom is doing extremely well. I am almost 4 months since my surgery and have taken a huge leap. She still has a ways to go, but there are a few things that can help.

First, does she have a grabber/reacher? I purchased 3 online; one for the kitchen/laundry, one for the family room and one for the bedroom upstairs. That way if I drop something I can get it myself. I also need to use it for the laundry. My daughters do their own, but I have been doing mine and my husbands since my mom left at 6 weeks.

Vacuuming should wait a while longer; it is not really safe with our restrictions on lifting and twisting.

Does your mom use a walker or a cane? My first walks in the neighborhood were slow but using a walker. Then I switched to a cane and although I walk at a pretty good clip I still carry the cane for security.

I met a woman who was 79 when she had her surgery. It is two years since and she is doing her own gardening.

My home therapist had me lay down for an hour twice a day. Each time I alternate ice pack for 20 minutes, heating pad for 20 minutes and ice again for 20. I've gone through several tv series on dvd and some old movies, but the time resting has really helped with my recovery.

Good luck to your mom.

Sandy

[JoAnn5]

Bless your mom's heart!! I'm a year post-op and STILL have trouble with things on the bottom shelf... I baby sat my granddaughter all weekend, vacuumed and cleaned my den yesterday... moving heavy coffee table and chairs.... Home from work today!!! I don't know why i do this to myself... i will be feeling so good then overdo it... wind up paying for it the next day!!! Looks like i'd learn!

So, yes, the frustration is normal... It'll just be a while before she's able to do what she once did... I am taking an anti-depressant too... as many of us did after surgery. Like Lynda said, the walking is one of the best things she can do... When you are there, see if you can rearrange her cabinets so that she won't have to reach into the bottom shelf. Get her a grabber to pull clothes out of the dryer... and teach Dad to do the heavy things like jeans for her...

Sometimes a quick wash-up of the dishes is better and easier than loading and unloading the dishwasher.. At least you can do that upright instead of standing on your head...lol.. Someone needs to invent a taller dishwasher. (and if you do that and make millions, please remember who gave you the idea!!) lol...

Hang in there.. it'll get better... slowly but surely!!

(((hugs))) JoAnn

[jgbphoto]

Thanks all

Thanks for the ideas and encouragement. It was kind of hard for a couple of weeks. Seems like her first couple of weeks at home were easier, then all of a sudden there was extra pain, then that went away and discouragement was a factor. She has fallen twice, but miraculously without a lot of pain! Sunday she washed her hair and went outside to sit in the sun and fell asleep, falling onto the ground. She couldn't get up and Dad was on the back of the property. She was on the ground for half an hour. Scary.

Now we're asking her to wear a fanny pack with the cell phone in it all the time. She's not on pain meds or anti depressants. The pain is intermittant, she says, so not a lot of need for the meds.

The main thing I see is we need to be really alert for the possibility of falling or her doing too much.

I'll remind her of the grabber. She's forgotten about that.
Helpful to hear that a lot of you went through the fatigue and some anxiety.
This all helps me to support her.

Take care,
Laura

[dawney]

God Bless her! It sounds like she is doing amazing. I am at 2 months and still get tired after doing a few simple things. I am only 39.

[Singer]

I'm impressed that your mom is off pain meds after two months. I was wondering: does she still need the oxygen she was receiving before the surgery?

Best wishes,

[jgbphoto]

oxygen

Yes, she still uses the oxygen. Her doctor says he'd be surprised if her lung expanded to use the extra space created by the surgery so quickly. It will take longer.

We think she is less breathless, and except for tiring, she has what seems to me to be better stamina.

Nice walk with her today in a tree-lined neighborhood, thanks to the advice of many of you. I passed on the good wishes and she smiled.

Take care!
Laura