feeling scared

[dorigirl]

Okay... I only have a little over 2 weeks to go until my surgery. I wake up every morning wanting to cancel this surgery and just forget that scoliosis is part of who I am. Is this a normal feeling? I know that I shouldn't be excited about surgery, but I sometimes just can't believe that this is going to happen. I just read the advice about sitting on a couch after surgery, something so simple that we take for granted every day. I am thinking, "this sucks!", I can't even snuggle on the sofa for weeks maybe months?

I am 35 and my curve is 60*, I am realistic and realize that this surgery is in my future like it or not. Right now I am just terrified about this surgery, my future and frankly I'm pissed off that this is my reality. I continue to be amazed at those of you who have had surgery seem to be recovering and I am praying that I will be another happy ending.

Thanks for listening

[LindaRacine]

Hi Dorigirl...

Yup, completely normal. I'd worry about you a bit if you were excited.

I finally had to start taking medication in the week prior to surgery to relieve my anxiety.

Best of luck with your surgery.

Regards,
Linda

[Shari]

Hi Dorigirl,

There probably isn't one of us here that hasn't had the same feelings. It's okay to be pissed off!!! None of us choose to have scoliosis and it does suck!!! I personally am glad that I was able to benefit from the recent medical technology that exsits now.

I guess I just thought of it as, I don't have a life threatening condition that couldn't be addressed. That doesn't make your impending surgery any easier, it is a very scary ordeal to have to go through. I just really feel that the anticipation of the surgery is extremely stressful. And any emotions that you have are absolutely normal!!!

There is going to be things that you can't do for weeks and even months, but the long term outcome, in my opinion, will out weigh the short term discomforts. And I think we choose to have this surgery for a better future.

Just remember that you are not alone in your inner struggle with this, I think we've all been there.

Shari

[lelc2002@yahoo]

dorigirl---all you are feeling is very normal for this kind of surgery...but you are young & with a curve of 60, I would think they can get very good correction...How are your bending x-rays? Mine were not good yet I had good bone density..
As far as the 2 weeks to go, go out to dinner w/ friends, see family, etc... I had a lot of lunch/dinner dates that really made me feel better! Knowing you have wonderful friends, family can comfort you greatly! The Friday night before my surgery(I had it on a Tues-Aug 1st), my husband & I went out to dinner with good friends & just had a wonderful time..my girlfriend's husband had double hip surgery & had some good advice for me! He said don't look at everything to do w/ the surgery coming up, look at when you will be doing well again. I had my surgery Aug. 1st so he said to me...."look at Labor Day as being your starting point of feeling good again" & he was pretty much right!
I also had my husband paint our bedroom a nice soothing green that I liked..bought a beautiful new lamp & organized our room better with magazines, good table by bed Etc. so all was ready for me! It was well worth it because I spent lots of time in my bedroom for at least the first month home!!!
http://lynnebackattack.blogspot.com
fused T-11 to L-5/Dr. Boachie/Kim @HSS in NYC
thorocolumbar c-95 reduced into 50's
kyphosis 85---hump's gone...

[Cakedec]

Exactly how i felt before surgery

Dear Dorigirl,

Your post sounds exactly how I felt before my surgery. How come other people don't have to worry about keeping their back from turning into a slinky as they grow older?!!

But seriously, my back was exactly where yours was at your age. I wish that surgery had been made available to me then, but it wasn't and my S curve kept progressing until it was into the 70's when I reached my 40's. Along with it came increasing pain and disability and the correction wasn't as good as it could have been 15 years earlier.

So in my opinion, you are making the right decision to have it done now, rather than later. Yes, we all second guess our decision and think of cancelling those last couple of weeks, very normal. What you are going through right now is probably actually worse emotionally than going through the whole surgery and recovery!! Yes, there are things that are difficult afterwards and you have to make adjustments, but when you see your new, straighter back it will all totally be worth it. And those adjustments are temporary only--before you realize it you won't need those extra pillows and will be able to flop back down on your couch!

All our best wishes for your surgery and recovery and looking forward to hearing from you when you're able,

Deb
age 47
posterior surgery 7/24/06
for T70,L76 s curve
30 degrees of correction
"DON'T WAIT!"

[gayle]

hi dorigirl, your feelings are very normal.my surgery is in 5 months and i think about cancelling it everyday.i know though since im still young and my curves are already 60 and 70 degrees it will only get worse and ill recover better now than if i wait.it makes me mad to to know i have to do this but i just keep telling myself that my back will look better and ill feel so much better than before.just keep thinking positive bout everything and before you know it it will be all over and you will be on the road to recovery :-)

[bbest]

I think every thinks about cancelling their surgery at least once. You are not alone. I will echo what everyone else said and tell you that your fears are completely normal. It is a big deal. I wish you all the luck in the world. Please keep us posted.

[Karen Ocker]

scared???

I was scared too and I was having a revision at age 60--but--I have not regretted it for a minute. Working in the medical field gave me a good imagination--- but I did not go there.

I concentrated on the fact that there was help for me. Can you imagine if nothing could be done???

Basically the only way out of this is through. Talking to others on the phone who went through it really helped me.

I did not take anything for nerves/sleep. I used alternatives like meditation, keeping busy and talking,talking, talking.

[dawney]

I am in rehab now and it does suck. It is a painful and tough recovery. One thing that I can tell you is that when I woke up from my first surgery, the first thing I noticed was that all the nerve pain from my right side was gone. I have done it and I know thw anticipation is hard. I was lucky I went on vacation the week before. I will be praying for you. Use whateversupport system you have available to you.

[dorigirl]

Thanks so much to everyone for your words of encouragement, it really helps. This site is like therapy for me! I am going on a six day getaway to see my husband. He is in the Navy and currently on a six month deployment. I am flying into one of his port stops to spend some time with him. He has been gone for 3 and a half months. This trip is helping to keep my mind occupied on something other than the surgery and it will do me good to hug him before I check into the hospital!

[Cakedec]

God bless you through this

Dorigirl,

Wow, you are so courageous to have this surgery done while your husband is away in the service! I am really impressed and it shows how strong of a person you are and will be through the whole thing. Obviously, you have family and/or friends who will be there for you afterwards and that is a great thing; they won't let you down.

Enjoy every minute of your getaway with your husband. Just think about how nice and straight and beautiful you will be for him when he gets back home to you!!

Deb

[dawney]

I just want to apologize ahead of time for any typos or things that dont make sense. good drugs