This post is not meant to upset anyone. I'm just looking to see if anyone else feels the way I do sometimes. I won't hold back or sugar coat the way I feel. But, I do not ALWAYS feel this way. But right now I definately do. I'm super nervous about my ortho appt and that feeds into all of this and makes it worse.
I have scoliosis but I also have a host of other medical problems. I had surgery in 2004 to remove my colon because it was diseased...and I was only 24. I've had so many problems healthwise and I just don't get it. sorry to sound like such a cry baby but it makes me FURIOUS. Right now I am going through a rough time, my mother has cancer and that alone is hard.
I'm now 26 and I hate my body so much. I have a poor image of myself due to being molested as a child and to top that off I have a very prominent rib hump that I hate. I'm seeing the ortho today to discuss options. Sometimes I get so mad that I want to extend my middle finger into the sky and yell "F YOU GOD!" I see normal healthy people walking down the street and I want to knock them down. Maybe that makes me an evil person. I hate feeling htis way. I am on the max dose of 2 antidepressants and go to therapy etc. I'm not always this down on myself, but the hatred I have for my body is always there...it waxes and wanes, but it never dissapears. It just isn't fair. Now matter what anyone says about everyone having problems etc. it is definately true that some people really get the shaft in life. And of course there are people wayyy worse than me and I feel for them too.
I'm just so angry with life right now. I cannot keep up with everything. I feel like I am dodging bullets left and right. I resolve one medical issue and then I am on to the next one. Will it ever end? I often think to myself that it would have ben better if my mother had an abortion. Heck, even a spontaneous abortion. I'm obviously an incredibly defective human being, and if survival of the fittest rings true, then how the hell did my fetus last for 9 months? Isn't the body meant to expel defective fetuses? Why am I even alive?
I have scoliosis but I also have a host of other medical problems. I had surgery in 2004 to remove my colon because it was diseased...and I was only 24. I've had so many problems healthwise and I just don't get it. sorry to sound like such a cry baby but it makes me FURIOUS. Right now I am going through a rough time, my mother has cancer and that alone is hard.
I'm now 26 and I hate my body so much. I have a poor image of myself due to being molested as a child and to top that off I have a very prominent rib hump that I hate. I'm seeing the ortho today to discuss options. Sometimes I get so mad that I want to extend my middle finger into the sky and yell "F YOU GOD!" I see normal healthy people walking down the street and I want to knock them down. Maybe that makes me an evil person. I hate feeling htis way. I am on the max dose of 2 antidepressants and go to therapy etc. I'm not always this down on myself, but the hatred I have for my body is always there...it waxes and wanes, but it never dissapears. It just isn't fair. Now matter what anyone says about everyone having problems etc. it is definately true that some people really get the shaft in life. And of course there are people wayyy worse than me and I feel for them too.
I'm just so angry with life right now. I cannot keep up with everything. I feel like I am dodging bullets left and right. I resolve one medical issue and then I am on to the next one. Will it ever end? I often think to myself that it would have ben better if my mother had an abortion. Heck, even a spontaneous abortion. I'm obviously an incredibly defective human being, and if survival of the fittest rings true, then how the hell did my fetus last for 9 months? Isn't the body meant to expel defective fetuses? Why am I even alive?
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