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summer
06-09-2006, 06:07 PM
Hi
I'm a little embarassed to ask, but..........when is it OK to return to "relations" with my significant other? My Doctor said one month and I'm just really nervous! Any advice from others who went through this would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

Shari
06-10-2006, 01:24 AM
Hi Summer,

My Dr. told me 6 weeks. But to be perfectly honest with you, I had no desire.
The pain was what mostly consumed me. I will say that I had to smile when I read your post, you must be feeling better than I did, to be even thinking about it. I hope you're doing as well as it appears you are!!! I think that's wonderful.

I would go into some more detail, but this is a public forum. :D

Thanks for making me smile,
Shari :)

Suzy
06-10-2006, 04:11 PM
Hi Jenn,

Guess you're felling better from your question! I think I was about 1 month out. Husband was more concerned about hurting me then I was. I will send you a private message with more info.

sweetness514
06-10-2006, 06:01 PM
I was waiting to see if anyone at any time would ask this, and even if we're shy to talk about it I think it's a great question and nothing to be embarassed about.

I think at about one month, if you don't do anything that hurts you too much and you feel comfortable doing, it's fine. As much as I was in pain, I did have some desire to be intimate on some level with hubby at about that same time and even if we waited a few months for intercourse, there are many ways to be intimate, but won't go into details and you know what I mean ;)

Hope this helps.

summer
06-10-2006, 06:19 PM
Thanks everyone! Thank you for all the private messages and advice

katblack
06-11-2006, 06:26 PM
It'd be kinda cool if someone had the courage to post publicly about this issue as I'm sure many, many of us, would like to know how it all works now.
I've been thinking about this for some time now.
I don't have an SO but when I do find a prince charming on his fiery white steed, I'd like to be able to know what I'm in for in this department. LOL :D

lelc2002@yahoo
06-11-2006, 08:38 PM
wow.....I think the last thing I would be thking about would be sex at 1 to 2 mths post-op.......I'd be just working on getting my shoes on & off!!!...Ly (ouch!) :eek:

Cakedec
06-11-2006, 08:50 PM
I would like to hear from someone who has recovered from a Looonngg....
fusion (or maybe fused to sacrum) and wondering if you are ever able to do the wild stuff again, or is the wild monkey stuff out forever and it's just the basic missionary now? Ha--I know lots of others are reading and wondering this.

katblack
06-11-2006, 08:54 PM
I would like to hear from someone who has recovered from a Looonngg....
fusion (or maybe fused to sacrum) and wondering if you are ever able to do the wild stuff again, or is the wild monkey stuff out forever and it's just the basic missionary now? Ha--I know lots of others are reading and wondering this.
Exactly!! LOL
Will there be wild monkey hanging from the chandeliers and doing handstands sex ever again?!? :D

katblack
06-11-2006, 10:17 PM
Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? :D :D :D :D

Pips
06-12-2006, 05:43 AM
OK, I'm a brave girl, so here goes.

I'm now 4 months and no 'wild stuff' has really gone on until just a few days ago (and that didn't involve swinging from a chandalier or jumping off the top of the wardrobe). It is still painful to do anything more than fairly 'ordinary' positions but we have progressed to more than one position. I can't remember the first time after surgery (8 weeks maybe) but I was just in so much pain I didn't want to get excited in case I hurt myself....in fact that has been true right up until now. Spoons was all we could do to start....we can now do things that involve being on hands and knees...

There is a book which helps with all of this - Sex and Back Pain - info can be found on the links page of my blog: http://wwwlinkpages.blogspot.com/

Have fun!!

lelc2002@yahoo
06-12-2006, 05:47 AM
Kat---geez, I have low expectations... I just hope I get a cute p.t. guy. obviously you had bad luck in that regards.....if he wants to do handstands..fine!! (I don't thk I've ever laughed so hard....& I need it!) :D :D :D

katblack
06-12-2006, 07:33 AM
OK, I'm a brave girl, so here goes.

I'm now 4 months and no 'wild stuff' has really gone on until just a few days ago (and that didn't involve swinging from a chandalier or jumping off the top of the wardrobe). It is still painful to do anything more than fairly 'ordinary' positions but we have progressed to more than one position. I can't remember the first time after surgery (8 weeks maybe) but I was just in so much pain I didn't want to get excited in case I hurt myself....in fact that has been true right up until now. Spoons was all we could do to start....we can now do things that involve being on hands and knees...

There is a book which helps with all of this - Sex and Back Pain - info can be found on the links page of my blog: http://wwwlinkpages.blogspot.com/

Have fun!!

Woot! Brave girl!!
Thanks so much Pips!

Cakedec
06-12-2006, 01:29 PM
Your post will give me something to read to my husband to help enlighten his expectations post-op. It reminds me how at work, he told me that the older fathers will tell the new expectant fathers that they will have to wait 4-6 weeks after childbirth for some action, and one of them turned pale and said "you're kidding me, right?".

Is there anyone out there 6 to 12 or more months who can tell us if /when everything is fully functional in this area?

Thanks,

Deb

katblack
06-12-2006, 01:34 PM
Kat---geez, I have low expectations... I just hope I get a cute p.t. guy. obviously you had bad luck in that regards.....if he wants to do handstands..fine!! (I don't thk I've ever laughed so hard....& I need it!) :D :D :D
I had an old PT guy, this is true. But I surely wouldn't have minded my male nurse from ICU. ;) :D
He was hot. Too bad I was so doped up on morphine and I looked and probably smelled like death....lol :D

lelc2002@yahoo
06-12-2006, 02:40 PM
Maybe you should go back to the ICU nurse now.....tell him your hardware's good for at least 20 yrs & you have $ 200,000..........vested in your back! :D :D :D

crookedspine
06-12-2006, 07:14 PM
My doctor told me that as long as I listened to my body I could do anything I wanted...except swing from the chandeliers (and darn...that was my favorite part). I, too, have been laughing hard over this thread! I love it...and it is true that everyone needs to know these things. I was glad that my husband and I both felt comfortable enough with my doctor to ask. Linda

crookedspine
06-12-2006, 07:14 PM
By the way, I am about 8 months post-op. Doc said that when I was 6 months. Linda

katblack
06-12-2006, 08:14 PM
Maybe you should go back to the ICU nurse now.....tell him your hardware's good for at least 20 yrs & you have $ 200,000..........vested in your back! :D :D :D
Bwahahaha! I totally would except this man did things to me I don't even think I'd let a bf do to me. If I saw him in public, I'd probably turn and walk the other way.
What kind of things? Oh, ya know that whole constipation issue everyone talks about? Well they give you a suppository in ICU to help you get back to normal.
He was so nice. He asked me would I like a female or male nurse to do it. I was so stoned I said I don't care and then he just rolled me over and poof, up my butt. *hangs head* I should have said female. Those damn drugs!...lmao :D

I do have a man in mind. Just gotta convince him it would be fun to test all the new metal with me. ;) :D

HGD24
06-12-2006, 09:14 PM
My surgeon suggested waiting 7 weeks.

sweetness514
06-14-2006, 05:48 PM
Every now and then if I get too excited, I might move the wrong way and realize that my body doesn't bend or move that way anymore, but like every other part of recovery, you do learn to adjust for this part of life as well...sex can be fun once again!

Yeah, that's pretty much how I feel...the floor is pretty hard on the back and I dont do that anymore but wild positions are not a guarantee that it's quality and very satisfying sex. It's more reaching your thirties and being with someone you are totally free and comfortable with :cool: hehe.

sonya
06-20-2006, 11:20 PM
:eek: you guys have made me laugh harder than i have for years. i had lower spinal fusion 15 years ago when i was still a virgin. so it was great experimenting ALL the wild stuff! your body tells you if it is uncomfortable but my husband and i still have a VERY exciting lovelife.

Jacque's Mom
06-21-2006, 04:12 PM
This thread is the best one - we certainly could use the laughs! I especially love the one about the shoes....very, very funny. I remember the day before my surgery, the nurse came in and my husband (fiance at the time) was in my room making sure I was hanging in there, and she said she was going to put a "do not disturb" sign on my door so we could be "alone" for a little while. Are you kidding me? I was in so much pain and so nervous, that was the last thing in the world I was thinking of! I guess she had good intentions. My mother-in-law always said "if you have a sense of humor, it can get you through the rough times" and she was absolutely right. GOOD LUCK TO ALL.... Lynn

lelc2002@yahoo
06-22-2006, 03:56 PM
Sweetness,
As far as the floor goes, I can't even handle a burbur rug...we're talking major curves.... I was hoping Boachie would write off the surgery costs & just put me in as a case study!!!!
Lynn: I have had to have a sense of humor about this cause if I don't laugh I'll cry... !!
http://lynnebackattack.blogspot.com

Pips
06-22-2006, 04:19 PM
Ah - the trick with the floor is to make sure you have a man underneath you - let him get squashed against the hard floor and protect those curves....

...oops, have I said too much ;)

BTW, had my review appointment today and its good news all the way. I shall update the blog tomorrow.....

sweetness514
06-22-2006, 06:07 PM
When we got married just a few years after my surgery I wanted to experience many areas, and after the floor bit and being sore for a few days, my hubby went to buy some type of floating device to be more comfortable...LOL the thing just blew up.

We did all right though for sometime when I was more painfree and flexible, and one of the last places on my list is outside, and sometimes I just think about bringing the whole mattress out at night, now that would be comfy ;) Ok, now I'm blushing, enough about this subject for me :cool:

Megan_aust
08-03-2008, 10:09 PM
Hi everybody,

I guess my question is somewhat related...

I am strongly considering having surgery and just wondered what your opinions are about stopping oral contraceptives before surgery.

I'm not really concerned about the inconvenience of it all, rather I'm worried about symptoms such as depression/ anxiety and irregular bleeding.

The doctor has just told me to stop taking the pill 2 weeks before surgery (I will be lucky if I'm given that much notice), but refuses to acknowledge my concerns about possible hormonal and mental disturbances. I went through hell when I started taking the pill and my doctor's response was "if it rained you'd blame the pill."

Prior to surgery I'm already pretty wound up about the decision, and hormonal distubances on top of that will probably put me in the funny farm. As it is I'm having a hard time living my life with having to make this decision.

Also, would heavy or irregular bleeding be a reason to put off surgery? I've been told it might put me at risk of infection during my recovery.

Does anybody else have any experiences of this, or any recommendations? I feel that this is a little considered issue for surgery as an adult, and I'm having trouble finding any useful information about it.

All of your comments about post surgery are very encouraging though - perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel for my poor husband, not to mention myself!

Sharshe
08-04-2008, 07:13 PM
Hi,
I had been put on the pill for heavy bleeding but it didn't help. Last year I had an endometrial ablation, that helped a ton. If I hadn't had that done I don't think I would have been able to handle this operation. Since surgery I had my period in the hospital (heavy) and only spotting since. It seems from what I've read here that everyone reacts different, the anesthesia can really mess with your hormones. Hope this helps some.

Suzy
08-05-2008, 12:56 PM
Hi Megan,

I DID NOT stop my pills before my surgery. You will experience depression and anxiety as it is going through this surgery why add to it??!! I have not heard of ANY Dr. telling someone to stop taking their BCP's prior to their surgery. Did you get a reason for it? I take mine continually for anxiety and PMS control and did so through my surgery and recovery. (I am not a Dr. nor do I play one on T.V. or the forum.) This makes NO sense to me. You need to ask why. And is this Dr. who refuses to acknowledge your concerns about this your spine surgeon? Yikes. And why would you "be lucky" to get two weeks notice before surgery?

I am also puzzled at someone telling you that you would be put at risk for infection by having your period during recovery...WTH? Many, many women on the forum have said they had the surgery trigger their period even if they just had their cycle recently. No infections reported on the forum to my knowledge.

There is light at the end of the tunnel leading to surgery. A big, bright, warm, happy light called a new beginning. Keep reading the post-op stories. Pretty much everyone would do it over again, including me!

Karen Ocker
08-05-2008, 06:26 PM
There is some concern that female hormones can cause blood clots--which can travel to the lungs--and be fatal. However I'm not sure if all docs agree. I stopped hormone replacement therapy 6 months before surgery for other reasons and had a small clot in my calf post -op resulting in blood thinners needed for several weeks afterward. Just being in the surgical position--prone with the legs below the hips encourages pooling of blood and clots in the legs. That is why special stockings are worn and a special leg-maggaging device is used routinely.

Right after surgery it might not be possible to take anything(pills) by mouth if the intestines have not yet started working. When that happens anything taken by mouth just sits in the stomach and does not get absorbed--or in extreme cases gets thrown up. Taking the pill right up to surgery then stopping might cause a period around the day of surgery.

Ask your doc-don't just decide on your own--because what you do not know can hurt you.

Megan_aust
08-06-2008, 08:50 PM
Hi all,

Thank you for your suggestions and support - now I don't feel quite so alone anymore!

I think my drs main concern is that I also have a heart condition and he's worried about a pulmonary embolism. I'm on a low dose pill though, so surely that should reduce the risk??

It's very difficult for me to contact the dr - I call his office, leave a message and wait for days to get a reply.

In Australia I'm lucky to have access to public health care, but the waiting lists are a nightmare and you feel like you have to be ready to drop everything and go when they say.

My doctor is also an older guy (about 75 or so). As an expert in the field I would expect this, but I don't think he knows much about female issues and I feel he's acting too conservatively here.

In the instructions for the pill it says to stop taking it 4 weeks before surgery but the risk of a blood clot is so low (due to the pill) surely its more of a risk to stop taking it.

I think I'll talk to the GP about it rather than my surgeon.

debbei
08-07-2008, 05:23 AM
OK, I guess I'll brave up too...

My surgeon suggested waiting 7 weeks and at my 8 week check-up, we had a list of questions to go over, but since I wasn't really 'in the mood' yet, that wasn't on our list, so my surgeon finished my check-up by saying, "Since neither of you asked, I'll tell you that it is ok to have sex again." He smiled as he walked out of the room, turned and said, "just try not to hurt each other." It took a couple more weeks for us to work up the courage and in the beginning, things were VERY slow as we were both worried about hurting me. At about 9 months post-op we could finally have sex without me thinking about my back and analyzing every move we'd make, we could also move more freely from one position to another. Every now and then if I get too excited, I might move the wrong way and realize that my body doesn't bend or move that way anymore, but like every other part of recovery, you do learn to adjust for this part of life as well...sex can be fun once again!

Heidi,
Thank you for this post. Your pre-surgery curves, and fusion levels are very close to what mine will be. This has really been on my mind lately, and your post is very reassuring. As a matter of fact, I sent it to my husband to read. :)

JamieR
08-08-2008, 11:59 AM
My doctor told me to wait two months. We went ahead and tried at 7 weeks post op and everything was fine. Just be careful, I accidently got pregnant shortly after that !! I am 4 months post op and two months pregnant.

txmarinemom
08-08-2008, 04:46 PM
I am strongly considering having surgery and just wondered what your opinions are about stopping oral contraceptives before surgery.

I'm on the pill (Lessina - a low dose, non-phasal ... I just skip the last week and start a new pack) solely to prevent menstruation (I had my tubes tied 18+ years ago), and my doctor saw no reason for me to cease it prior to surgery. I took it the morning of surgery, and continued to take it daily after surgery.

Another added bonus was I never got the post-op bleeding many experience ...

Regards,
Pam

becky331
08-26-2008, 07:08 PM
I am laughing so hard at these responses! I have to say, this is one of my biggest concerns...I'm concerned over the 7 week thing. I know, I know, I'll be in so much pain that I probably won't even think about it..but I get crabby after just a few days..so I'm thinking to myself, "7 WEEKS????" Pretty pathetic, huh?? My poor man, I hope he loves me an awful lot! :eek:

Qikdraw
09-02-2008, 04:51 PM
Well its difficult, (I was going to say 'hard' but too many jokes come to mind about that :D ) for me to discuss this, specially with a female dominated forum. Also in how to keep it 'clean'. lol

My problem is 'movement'. When I 'move' I feel the grinding in my lower back, and after a short time the pain gets too much. (and the next few days are dealing with a lot of pain) Even the 'female dominant' position hurts because of the bounce of the matress. Other methods of satisfaction for both my wife & I have been ok, but it still isn't the same thing, although enjoyable. My PT gave me a pamphet on positions, but even some of those hurt.

My wife hasn't complained about it, but since activity has been severely curtailed I know it is an issue. At least I feel it is.

Any advice? (without removing what little is left of my fragile male ego? :D )

lisanicole
09-16-2008, 12:59 PM
LOL - I love that we are so blunt here. Way to be a REAL man and ask for advice from a room full of ladies. I'm proud of you.

What about trying a laying on your side position behind your wife? It's a fairly gentle comfortable position that I wouldn't think would put too much pressure on your lower back. Although some fusion patients have a hard time laying on their side.

I hope that you find something that works for both of you. I'm glad that you have such a patient and understanding wife. :D

Take care.

Qikdraw
09-16-2008, 03:25 PM
LOL - I love that we are so blunt here. Way to be a REAL man and ask for advice from a room full of ladies. I'm proud of you.

Well what better place than to ask than a room full of ladies? :D Although embarassing, I also want my wife to be happy, so again... Ask women! :)


What about trying a laying on your side position behind your wife? It's a fairly gentle comfortable position that I wouldn't think would put too much pressure on your lower back. Although some fusion patients have a hard time laying on their side.

Laying on my side without a lot of pillow support starts to hurt pretty quick, add movement to that and I'll be hurting in seconds. heh


I hope that you find something that works for both of you. I'm glad that you have such a patient and understanding wife. :D

We used the floor with her on top, and that was fine, no problems there. I am also thinking of bringing in a chair from the dining room and sitting on that. I just hope my mother-in-law doesn't ask what we need a dining room chair in our room for. :D (she lives with us)

And yes, my wife is amazing, its why I moved from Canada (WPG) to the US to be with her. She truely is the one who is meant for me, which is why I am trying to find ways she'll be happy. :)

Thank you for your response! I was begining to think I wasn't going to get an answer. Thank you for not damaging my fragile male ego too! :D

Susie*Bee
09-16-2008, 04:02 PM
Brad-- I thought that was very brave and "manly" of you too, and with much foresight--asking the ladies...!!! ;) You probably didn't get answers (other than lisanicole's) because most of us just can't come up with any helpful ideas :eek: -- not that we don't care. Best wishes to you with this though.

kassie84
09-09-2010, 07:14 AM
What kind of things? Oh, ya know that whole constipation issue everyone talks about? Well they give you a suppository in ICU to help you get back to normal.
He was so nice. He asked me would I like a female or male nurse to do it. I was so stoned I said I don't care and then he just rolled me over and poof, up my butt. *hangs head* I should have said female. Those damn drugs!...lmao :D

That is my story! The same thing.. Cute and nice nurse asked me if I wanted a female nurse but I just wanted it over and done with.. Ps is it wrong that the bubbling sensation turned me on???? I was getting weird feelings in my body.. Hehehhe!

JenniferG
09-09-2010, 09:04 PM
That is my story! The same thing.. Cute and nice nurse asked me if I wanted a female nurse but I just wanted it over and done with.. Ps is it wrong that the bubbling sensation turned me on???? I was getting weird feelings in my body.. Hehehhe!

Must have been the drugs Kellie.;)