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View Full Version : Friends won't end the pity party!



MrsJamesDean
04-06-2006, 08:20 PM
I told my two closest friends about the brace. I guess it was wierd for them to see me in it (makes me look fat and like I have curves, when I'm "model thin") and I expected that. But, now they're treating me so differantly. Not like the person that they used to teat me like. I know that they're trying to help but throwing a pity party and treating me like I'm fragil, or a baby isn't helping. WHY are they treating me like a little kid who's not on the same level as them, even on simple things like clothes, make-up, or guys? I try not to talk about it but everything they say is like they're protecting me or like they're my babysitter or something. I know that they're trying to help but, I don't need them to be worried for me. I'm already worried about myself for all three of us. I just, really, really, really cann not take one more day of it. I'm 13- not 3! I don't want to deal with it at all, so I'm thinking about just skipping lunch and ingoring them (great, just what I need, more drama) but, before I do, any advice?


(P.S: I think that they are like, "Oh my gosh, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor Gwen. She has a spinal "disorder" it's a "handicap" and it leads to "deformation" and maybe a sugrey. how could she have scololsis?"

I've tried to talk to them about it and they say they'll stop but then they don't.Then they insist that they're still treating me the same, even after I threated to break-up the friendship. I know that they must be trying, but..)

I can't get them mad at either, in fear that they'll tell other people about my brace. I've been stuck, but I'm tired of it! Stupid scololsis! Why me?)

gerbo
04-07-2006, 06:02 AM
just give them a bit more time, be patient with them,if you continue to act normal about it, eventually they get used to it, start forgetting about it and act more normal. These things can be very hard to ignore initially. (although this is even harder for yourself, as you know, hope that you are kind of coping with it all)

I am sure you must know about the spinekids webside as well, they have a good forum where many young people like yourself post and exchange views.

gerbo

Snoopy
04-07-2006, 07:39 AM
I'm not going to preach to you, but be thankful that you have such great friends! I know they are annoying you right now, but the way they are acting tells me that they are great friends and great friends are hard to come by! Like you said, you are frustrated, mad and wondering "why you" right now, so don't you think maybe that's how your friends are feeling? I know with my daughters (age 14 1/2 and 13) what they go through, their friends go through as well. Know what I mean? Please try to be patient with your friends. Hopefully, if you follow gerbo's advice and act normal, they too will eventually return to their old selves. Have you thought of maybe having a sleep over or doing something like shopping or whatever you always did with your friends to show them you are still the same person, but you just happen to have Scoliosis? I know dealing with Scoliosis, especially as a teenager, isn't the easiest thing to do. But having watched my daughter go through her experience with Scoliosis, it has made her a much stronger and much more mature young lady than all of her friends put together.

Hang in there.

Mary Lou

flowerpower
04-07-2006, 08:32 AM
I agree with what Mary Lou and Gerbo said. It sounds like your friends are concerned for you. I wore a Milwaukee brace when I was a teen, and yes, it did bring some unwanted attention from the other kids because it made me "different". I hated wearing it, but once I got over feeling self-conscious about it and resumed my regular activities (sports, etc.) things got better. I think your friends just need a little time to adjust too...

Renee

MrsJamesDean
04-07-2006, 08:10 PM
I know they care. I probally should have metioned it before but they also have kind of been ingoring me and using my brace as a reason to do it! :eek:

The Slice
04-08-2006, 06:32 AM
MrsJamesDean, Gerbo couldn't have said it much better. Educating your friends is probably your best bet. They're not treating you this way out of malice, but out of ignorance. If they ARE your friends, something like your wearing a brace isn't going to break up a friendship. If it does, that friendship wasn't that strong to begin with. Remember that part of their reaction may be fear, of something different, or of facing their own vulnerabilities. That happens with adults too. Keep being who you are and relax about the whole thing. When they see you at ease about it, they will begin to relax about it and things will go back to the way they were. Encourage them to talk to you about it in a casual way (not obssessing about it). If they try to do for you when its's not needed, don't be afraid to set boundaries and ask them to stop, but remember that these are fairly normal responses that happen to those who are physically challenged. And with the brace, you are. Your not handicapped, or disabled, just challenged to do things a little differently. Be patient with them and alway remember that their intentions are good even if they end up driving you crazy. After a while things will calm down. Could it be that you ARE over reacting to this, that you're being overly sensitive to their behavior?